Maurice, Mike Price, Bunting, Rocket and others

January17/ 2000

Did you really think we had heard the last from ex-Buckeye Bad Boy Maurice Clarett?  ..How about Mike Price … remember him?  Roger Clemens defies Father Time … John Bunting faces another “save his career” game,  and Big Ben shines while Phillip sits the pine.  ..BobLee runs through a list of personalities in the news.

   They are chortling merrily in Ann Arbor big time.  tOSU and UMich are not as geographically close as UNC – NCSU but the blood is every bit as bad, maybe worse.  You can bet that Chris Webber’s alma mater is having a ball watching Jim Tressel and Andy Geiger dance the Maurice Macarena.  Future NFL hopeful, Maurice Clarett, is singing like a most resentful canary to ESPN The Magazine.  … to absolutely no one’s surprise.  Clarett is claiming every stereotypical under the table benefit was given to him during his one season in Columbus … cars, grades, cash, et al.

   Long before Jim Tressel arrived from Youngstown four years ago, Ohio State was widely known as a “free market” program.  Andy “Big Cat” Katzenmoyer actually did enroll in “underwater basketweaving”, the quintessential dumb jock imaginary course.  Academic advisors have gone public about doing players’ papers for them.  FB and BB players have received regular cash payments.  Its hard to imagine another school with such a long tradition of a roll-your-eyes attitude to the concept of the “student athlete”.  When Smilin’ John Tenuta arrived in Chapel Hill from Columbus, he was asked if he wanted a tour of “the library” to help him in his recruiting.  It was the only known moment that he actually laughed during his 9 month imprisonment at UNC.

   Is Jim Tressel a crook?  It’s more than likely a very carefully managed case of “don’t tell me so therefore I won’t know”.  Is Maurice a total moron being advised by morons?  You can pretty much take that to the bank. Did tOSU realize they were getting such a loose cannon when they recruited Clarett … sure, but they probably have 6-8 others still floating around.  The fact that the Buckeye are mired medicorily in the middle of the Big Ten this season won’t help Tressel muddle thtrough this.  

   Maurice will lose this one.  tOSU is simply too powerful an opponent.  Of course, he has already been contracted to be the commencement speaker at Michigan next June.  tOSU made C-Webb and his Fab Thugs Honorary Buckeyes so it all evens out.

   Hey … maybe Visor Boy goes to The Horseshoe … they have such a rich tradition of a vertical passing game!

   Mike “Lap Dance” Price has bounced back quite nicely.  His Texas El Paso Miners are 6-2 and having the school’s best sports season since Big Daddy Lattin, Willie Cager and Neville Sheds beat Pat Riley and the UK all-white boys in 1966.  From all I’ve read, Price deserved a second chance so we are glad to see him succeed.

   What Price did with the nudie dancer as Alabama coach wasn’t “all that bad” it was just stoopid and embarrassing that he got caught.  If he had had a chance to win 8-9 games in Tuscaloosa he would still be there.  If every Div 1-A coach who had crossed a nudie bar threshold was fired, Spurrier would have about 100 more openings to pick from.

   I confess, I’ve never done it … but I doubt I could put together a golf foursome of my buddies if “have you or haven’t you” was a deal-breaker.

   For a man who had retired this time last year, Roger Clemens did pretty well for himself in his new career … he won the NL’s CY Old Award … #7 for The Rocket at 42.  I’ve never had a beef with him.  He seems to be a sincere family man and a real competitor.  Remember that scandel about the incident at his son’s ball game was proven to be total BS.

   Saddle up John Bunting for the 10th Biggest Game of His Coaching Career” since August vs Wake in Groves Stadium this Saturday.  Remember my fervent hope in preseason that this deathwatch be conclusive.  It’s been anything “But”.  A close, hard fought loss to the Deacons coupled with a W in Wallace Wade would make his future a “pick’em” in most minds.  I’ve stopped speculating on this one.  It’s a MUCH better team today than I saw embarrass itself in Charlottesville in September.  … Whoever coaches UNC in 2005 has a daunting task facing him.  So much offense to replace PLUS an even tougher schedule than this year’s “toughest schedule in America”.

   Who woulda predicted that the 2004 ACC season might end up as a Shenandoah Shootout.  If UVa can take the Miami Tropical Depressions this weekend then it could all come down to Lane Stadium vs The Hokies in a few weeks.  Do you think that ticket will be tough?  I still can’t believe that FSU handled UVa as easily as they did.

   If things weren’t going bad enough in WuffWorld … Philip Rivers is carrying a clipboard for Drew Brees in San Diego while “Big Ben” Rothelisberger in Pittsburg has about sewed up ROY honors.  Beating the two undefeated teams back-back at Heinz Field ain’t too shabby.  

   Hey, PR, since you’re not getting much exercise in SD, maybe you could sneak back to The Carter and save Mazzone from a lethal injection of Wuff Fan Loath.  “The Best Fans In America” are in full meltdown.  We hear they are having a two-fer sale on “red shoes” at Rack Room.  Buy two pair and get a free pair of orange Oakleys.

   We mentioned Ersky Bowles to replace Molly Broad as UNC Prez.  Maybe I gave a wrong inmpression … I think he would be an excellent choice. It’s not an “academic” post … it’s a administrative/lobbying position … and Ersky definitely has “cred” in those areas. Other than those “Clinton Cooties” he will never shake off. Erskine Bowles has a quite fine reputation.

   Panthers having a dismal 180 season … but John Fox is still The Man to lead’em.  That parity driven NFL schedule deal makes repeating really tough … unless you are Bill Bellichek of course.

   For those of you who doubted I could do it … there is ONE Democrat I like … Evan Bayh.  Unlike Lurch The Liberal, Evan is a nice looking fellow and a “moderate”.  Depending on who my side picks … Bayh could be a very strong candidate.  OK, it’s silly to even consider … MoDo, Danny, and the DemoLoons will hand it to Hilly … who will gather ‘round the same Hollywood goon squad and really insult all the red states.

   One last polit-comment … I predicted pre-Nov 2 that a Dubyah win would have “Fruitcake Freddie From Franklin Street” in full mega-rant after either Diebold or God.   “Freddie” chose Diebold the voting machine manufacturers.  The “mothership” sent Freddie the encrypted code that, when turned upside down and held up to a mirror, reveals that “Diebold” is actually Farsi for “Chappaquidick”. 


Swagger’s Stumper

Who coached The Miners vs Rupp’s White Boys in 1966?

What was the school’s name then?


Betty Furness opened Westinghouse refrigerators as a “sponsor’s product model” on TV in the 50s.  You might call her the “Vanna” of her day.

That BIG NEWS is almost ready to announce.  It’s quite cool and may well rank with “the wheel”, “fire”, “MapQuest”, and “the 7th game of the 2004 ALCS” as landmarks in human history.

I have never watched 30 consecutive seconds of any ESPN “Poker Show” and don’t plan to.  I HAVE watched an entire episode of “Pimp My Ride” however.  Draw your own conclusions.

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