January17/ 2000

… It’s been a while since we went public with some of your questions and concerns.  Today we reach into the SwaggerSays e-mail bag and provide  snappy retorts to your inquiries about previous columns on the World of Sports and Life itself.  These are always Mizzus Swagger’s favorite columns (unless BLS mentions Prince Tassel Loafer which give Mizzus “the willies” … unfortunately “the willies” are headed her way).

Our first reader comment is a combination of two requests we get continually …

Hey, you conceited JackAss stop talking about all the bigwigs and celebrities you meet.

 * Hey BobLee, we love it when you talk about your exciting adventures … keep’em coming!

The answer to the above is … Okey Dokee.  We get these 180 degree opposite reader comments all the time.  If we do 2-3 Swagger’s Fabulous Adventures reports over a week or so, we lose 4-5 subscribers AND gain 5-6 new subscribers.  Never fails.   


    To intrique the above warring camps of readers … last week’s North Carolina Sports Hall of Fame Banquet was quite the night.  Longtime Duke pal, Leo Hart, assembled a Table of Luminaries the likes of which may never be seen again.  In addition to the Blue Devil QB legend, it was UNC QB Paul “Bootleg” Miller, UNC QB Gayle Bomar, Billy Packer’s Deacon running mate Alley Hart, #23 from Garden City LI Don McCauley, Duke Track Coaching Legend Al Buehler, high school basketball coaching legend (over 675 Ws) Paul Jones, and your humble Internet Legend moi. … Duke’s Wes Chesson and NCSU QB Johnny Evans had been invited to join us but had other commitments.

Even in a room full of other sports noteworthies, it was impossible to hide such a treasure trove of “hey, look it’s ______” so we were besieged with visitors to our table.  

… Dawn (Mrs John) Bunting had all us UNCers plus Leo go over to say hello to Coach John who had interrupted a western NC recruiting trip to be on hand to see Anson and Woody Durham inducted into the Hall of Fame.

… Wake Forest BB great Jackie Murdock dropped by to catch up with Alley. 

… UNC Promotional guru Phineas T. Teague upped his own significant Q rating by publically embracing Kid Swagger’s dad in a room full of 500 people.

… UNC SID Emeritus Rick Brewer and Swagger’s former mate Art Chansky inquired if BobLee was still “up to no good” and were assured that was indeed the case.

… Bomar realized his son-in-law played for Coach Jones … as did Cornbread Maxwell, Charles “Amphibious” Shackleford, and Jerry Stackhouse.

… of the various inductees, George Whitfield undoubtedly had the largest cheering section in attendance.  George and BobLee go back 40+ years.  I can’t recall if George first taught me how to roll sanitary hose over inside-out baseball pants to get that “big league look” but I think it was him.  I know he taught me how to make sweet music with a fungo bat.

… Coach Jones gave an animated account of Cedric Maxwell slapping a Phil Ford potential game-winner into the 5th row at Kinston’s gym in the early 70s.

… NC State TV host Don Shea joined Miller, Hart, McCauley, and Swagger after the ceremony for extended reminiscing over a few brews.  Our BSing was highlighted by the onslaught of UNC Basketball AA Lee “Stop The Music” Shaffer.  No sports BS session would ever be “official” without the contributions of Mr Shaffer.

   Athletes who were highly competitive on-field rivals … NEVER exhibit the absurd hatred and animus that is standard fare for over-the-top “fans” of their respective schools … quite the opposite, there is a genuine comraderie … wonder why that is ???

   It was a fine evening … many thanks to Leo and to the folks with the NCSHoF.


 “WILLIES ALERT” … we get continual inquiries about the SSays “official opinion” on Richard “Dickie” Baddour.  It bears repeating as our reader base grows weekly.  BobLee “defends” Prince Tassel Loafer but does not support his remaining as UNC AD.  We believe him to be an individual unfairly and overly “maligned”.  He was promoted 8+ years ago to be a status quo “manager” and quickly found himself in a multi-year “perfect storm” of controversy and turmoil.  It is our opinion that Baddour and The University would have been best served by his retirement last Spring or his retirement this Spring.  He will still be a lightning rod for blame and controversy for at least 3 years AFTER he does retire, so lets begin the “even in absentia” period ASAP.  Recently unearthed reports blaming “Dickie” for the AMC Pacer are apparently true but he cannot be linked to the Hubble Telescope (that seems to have been Todd Turner’s doing).


    What about Coach K? … I will cut Darth K slack on every one of the capital felonies he is continually accused of by rival fans EXCEPT ONE … his sideline language.  Until he makes an effort to clean up that act, he will always be lacking the “class” of true greatness.  I do wonder why Pete Gaudet “won’t talk about what happened”.


    Another Swagger mini-adventure this past weekend at The Duke Childrens Classic in Durham.  Johnny Dawkins was commenting how he hoped he played well in the event.  BobLee quickly reminded him that after the BlueChip signing bonanza Duke had this week, he had used up all his luck already.  He smiled and agreed it had been “a pretty good week”.

Former Pro Wrestler baddie Nicolai Koloff of “The Russian Sickle” was on hand.  He speaks better English than I do.  We shared stories on mutual friend Abe “Kiwi roll” Jacobs.

Always affable Bobby Cremins was there and we discussed BLS filling in for him at a Statesville benefit last year.  What a swell fellow.

Garo Yepremian and Mike Eruzione have both now had longer careers as “celebrity golfers” than they did as NFLer and Miracle on Ice guy.

A number of Duke BB alums were present and not a one exhibited overt signs of homosexuality, pedophilia, scallywaggness, rascalness, felonious mischief, alcoholism, or rampant drug abuse, but maybe those Tar Heel message board loonies know something the rest of us don’t.  Pete Gaudet was NOT on-hand.


    Do “we” think John Bunting will survive?  Duh, yes!  Now do we think John Bunting will be UNC’s FB coach 3 years from now is a different question.  I was with a Wolfpack Club Fat Cat at dinner Saturday and we both lamented how perilous it must be to have your career in the hands of 18-19 year olds.  Indeed.  David Bomar misses a goal line tackle in Charlotte and Mike O’Cain, not Chuck Amato, has Philip Rivers as QB for 4 years … and Torbush leaves a year earlier replaced by (???).  My Wolfpacker friend and I also agreed on Herb’s survival skills and on Chuck’s eccentric sartorial taste.


 Will Ol’ Roy do “OK” next year despite The Great Exodus?  The Blue Messiah will do just fine every year, but I’m sure he appreciates every one’s concern.  


    What about the ongoing renovations to Carter-Finley … very impressive and a tribute to Bobby Purcell and his visionary leadership of The Wolfpack Club.  Others may get more “credit” but Bobby is the one doing the daily mundane grind it out fund raising.  For as fine as the renovated stadium is becoming with Vaughan Towers et al … if proper attention is not given to cleaning up the gauntlet of bottom feeding riff raff along Trinity Road on game day, NCSU will never shed its unsavory image in many eyes.  Every Big Wolfpacker should take his family thru that blighted area on a Fall game day.  Way too much “good” happening at NCSU to let that unsavory element continue to fester. 


 Swagger Stumper

Who lampooned Garo Yepremian with “I keeeck a touchdown”?


   Melvin was fond of his Swingline stapler … the bottom guy in any med school class is called “Doctor”. 

   BobLee’s incredibly profound “Commencement Address” is being turned into a needlepoint kit for dining room chairs.  The Meez has NOT called to invite BLS to address UNC’s brainwashed fledglings YET … but one of Dr Phil’s “people” has inquired about “Good Things Happening To Bad People”.

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