Kick Off The Fall Social Season

January17/ 2000

… Attending a college football game is a wonderfully unique “Social Event”.  Yes, indeed, it is first, second, and foremost a very wonderful Social Event.  If you are a “fan”, it is NOT “war”, NOT “life or death”, NOT a morality play. BobLee gives some hints on guaranteeing your next 90 days will be “joyful ones” regardless of your allegiances … ….  We also present our Post-Katrina Flaming Jackass Award (you don’t wanna miss that). 

   OJune 2 1861 the landed gentry from Washington DC boarded their carriages for a ride in the Northern Virginia countryside to a town named Manassas Junction to observe a meeting between Johnny Reb & Billy Yank beside a creek called Bull Run.  They had packed lunches (tailgating?) and anticipated an interesting little show.  It was, of course, A FREAKIN’ WAR with real bullets and really dead people.  They left Bull Run before the event was over and hurried back to Washington.  

WAR is not a spectator sport.  Neither is A SPECTATOR SPORT a WAR.

   College Football is a Spectator Sport.  It is often conducted in an arboreal campus setting and involves a lot of college educated adults possessing various measures of social refinement.  The event offers an unmatched environment for Good People enjoying Good Times and Good Fellowship with other Good People.  It’s an open outdoor setting (even if next to a Fairground) and there is uplifting marching band music and lifted up pretty coeds wearing really short skirts.  What’s not to like?    

Most folks make a day of it touring the campus and/or setting elaborate outdoor dining fetes.  About the only thing that can dampen a college football Saturday for me is RAIN.  I can handle COLD and enjoy the chilly days in November.  My GameDay involves a frantic effort to see 20+ good friends spread out all over the place.  Those folks mean something to me so I make the effort to see them.

Did I mention that all this hoopla centers around a GAME played between what are euphemistically referred to as “student athletes” representing the home institution and a visiting institution.  The two teams compete on a magnificent “greensward” of such a large scale that everyone in attendance can tell what’s happening with a modicum acquaintence with the objectives of the contest.  Following college football can be a terrific hobby too, like bonsai trees and breeding guppies.

They keep score in the contest because “it does matter” especially to the Oompa Loompas (see below).

My favorite team, The UNC Tar Heels, did not win very many games in 2002 or 2003, but during 2004 they played and won some very exciting “games” during which a whole bunch of “people like me” got really excited and cheered a whole lot.  My favorite basketball team even won THE NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP last year.    

(NOTE:  If this stuff bores you, switch on down to the Flaming Jackass Award … it’s too good to miss)

Whether “my team” wins or loses, I go back home.  It’s not big and fancy but it’s warm and cozy and the people that live there with me seem to like me a lot.  I look in my bathroom mirror and generally like what I see.  I have several business endeavors that enjoy a level of success commensurate with the effort I put into them.  My team wins … my team loses … my life is GOOD!  I prefer my team wins but my influence on that is limited to a modest financial contribution and assorted “hoorays” and “fist pumps” when my team makes a good play.

   I do stand up a lot and cheer (but not when we are calling a play) but I don’t yell profanities or get into arguements with other fans around me.  Also, I have a very good time without the need for alcohol … but that’s just me.

In 1982 my life was not so good.  Personally, professionally, and socially I was “in the crapper”.  Michael Jordan hit a jumper to beat Georgetown.  I watched it on TV in my apartment in Dallas.  I yelled “HOORAY” and jumped off the sofa.  The next day my life was still “in the crapper”.  I learned that day that Dean Smith was not in charge of my happiness.  Neither is John Bunting, Dickie Baddour or Ol’ Roy Williams.  That lesson has served me well for the past 23 years and will be in effect this fall.

Here’s an official BobLee Clue just for you.  They ain’t in charge of your happiness either.  Nor is Chuck Amato, Lee Fowler, Herb Sendek, Frank Beamer, or any coach or athletics director on this earth.

The Oompa Loompas in every fan base don’t view these “games” like I have described.  They choose to put their self-worth on the line.  When their self-worth gets stomped on they lack the overall support system to revive it themselves.  Blaming coaches, coordinators, and directors of athletics is apparently the only remedy they know of.  It doesn’t seem to work very well.  The average Oompah Loompa seems to be quite constipated.  Poor sad little Oompa Loompas!

I plan on attending 12 college football games over the next 14 weeks.  I hope you will be able to attend a few.  The color and pageantry is unmatched.  If you see me PLEASE yell out “Hey BobLee” and wave and I’ll yell and wave back.  Win or Lose … I’ll have had a quite nice time of it all.  

Post-Katrina Flaming Jackass Award

We Have A Winner!

  I’m taking a risk here.  I am declaring a Winner of the Post-Katrina Flaming Jackass Award.  We all knew that within 48-72 hours after Katrina passed thru one of those little clown cars would drive into the center ring of the Great Mainstream Media Circus and dozens and dozens of George Bush-hating cocamamies would pour out of it all scrambling for a camera and a live microphone of their very own.  Of course, they did.

   Years of experience has taught me to wait for either Sheila Jackson Lee or “Mad Maxine” Waters before declaring “THAT is the stoopidest crap I have ever heard.”  Designated Congressional Morons, Sheila from Houston and Mad Max from South Central LA usually win these contests hands down … but not this time! 

   This time THE WINNER is a member of America’s Royal Family – The Kennedys – Robert Kennedy Jr.. Our old pal Fruitcake Freddie From Franklin Street told me on several occasions that “the Kennedys” are the smartest people on earth as well as being our National Martyrs.  That “smartest people” thing probably upsets “the Rodhams” but we’ll let them deal with that.   

I swear what I’m about to tell you is True.

    Within 24 hours of Katrina making landfall, Bobby Jr. posted a column on Arianna Huffington’s blog BushHatersAreUs, that Katrina was “coming after” Haley Barbour to avenge the Kyoto Accords.   Haley Barbour is now the Governor of Mississippi but was Chairman of the RNC in the late 80s-early 90s.  As RNC head, Haley convinced Papa Bush to vote against the Kyoto Accords.  Fifteen years later, according to Bobby Jr, Hurricane Katrina set out from the west coast of Africa to “get even” with Haley … and boy did she ever!

    Now, before you say “Wow, that’s pretty creative.  How did Bobby Jr dream that one up?”  He didn’t.  Steven Spielberg did.  It’s the plot from Jaws 4.  You will recall that in Jaws 4, Sheriff Brody’s widow moves from Amity to The Bahamas to start over.  “Bruce The Shark’s” Mamma was pissed when she learned that Sheriff Brody had killed Bruce so she set out to revenge her Shark son.  Mamma Shark “stalks” Widow Brody to The Bahamas for the Mamma Shark v Widow Brody showdown.  If Mamma Shark can stalk Ms Brody for a few thousand miles, it’s stands to reason Katrina could come after Haley Barbour.

   Does Bobby Jr really believe this?  No, of course not, but Uncle Teddy has taught Bobby Jr that a % of their constituents will indeed believe ANYTHING they tell’em.  Uncle Teddy oughta know.

   I feel pretty safe awarding Bobby Jr our Jackass Award with this one.  Oh sure, there will be all sorts of lunacy linking Halliburton to the breeched levees and, of course, “Bush’s Oil Buddies (and probably his pal Rafael Palmiero) are profiteering on oil prices, and the poor misunderstood looters are just “reparating” plasma TVs and Rolexes to feed their starving families left homeless because John Roberts calls The Civil War The War Between The States.  

   Sheila, Mad Max, and probably John Conyers, and FOR SURE Crazy Howie Dean will submit their entries in the “Clowns On Camera” Contest.  If you do hear one better than Bobby Jr’s please let us know.  

   Don’t forget … 

  1.  The American public has a 5-day morbid curiosity quotient with any large-scale disaster, war, or little girl falling into a well.  After 5 days “it better be over” and “no more yucky stuff please”.  Any more chips and dip and where’s the remote? 
  2. As the floodwaters recede the bureaucratic bullsh*t will rise exponentially.  All government agencies, be they local, state, or federal, are, by purposeful design, inexplicably slow, ineffective, and totally uncaring.  This has nothing to do with politics whatsoever.  The “Webee” functionaries who are the nuts, bolts and gears that “operate” these agencies hate ALL politicians and are dedicated to pissing off as many citizens of all races, colors and creeds as possible in an 8 hour day and 40 hour week (they don’t work on weekends or dozens of holidays).  

    The physical trauma inflicted by Katrina will be replaced by the psychological trauma of dealing with these quite horrid bureaucrats. 


Swagger’s Stumper

In Jaws 4, who plays Widow Brody’s romantic interest?

Clue:  “What’s it all about …”


   The New Orleans newspaper is the Times Picayune.

   BobLee’s HokieNation pals seem to share his approach to enjoying college football.  Win or Lose – Have A Good Time.  That’s why we will hook up for lots of good times and a heck of a ballgame this weekend. … IF State does not do well who will be the “designated scapegoat” in the post-Mazzone Era?  Gotta have one … it’s an ACC Rule! 

   Phineas T Teague has added some “cosmetic enhancements” to Beautiful Kenan Stadium. He asked Swaggy to come over and check’em out on Thursday.  The folks who don’t like anything won’t like these either of course.  Kudos to Phineas Teague and his hypemeisters.

Gotta a comment … fire away!

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