.. NO, IT’S NOT FAIR! Every sports pundit on the planet gets to do a “NBA Dress Code” column .… OR …. a Michelle Wie Cheats column .… OR …. a Vikings Lust Boat column …. OR …. a Biggio & Bagwell feel good column …. OR …. a Danica Punches Out Another Driver column … but not BobLee. NOOOOO! …. I get to do Kamau The Exterminator. Alls I can say to that is “I feel like that Okeefeenokee Swamp boy”. Yo CokeDaddy, make room in the SSays Hall of Fame.
Yes … that Okeefeenokee Swamp Boy who upon falling into a vat of molasses, rolled his eyes to the heavens and prayed that The Good Lord would give him a mouth to fit the occasion.
I had the penultimate commentary on The NBA Dress Code. I mean I nailed it. I tied in UNC’s “pissed off posse” to “computer geeks in ratty t-shirts” to Winged Foot Country Club not allowing cellphones to Michael, Magic and Allan The Answer. I even referenced the Concord Rotary Club. I linked David Stern’s incredible likeness to Prince Tassel Loafer to “Zionists’ plots against black folks”. Did Stern consult the Hassidic community that makes its money in diamond cutting before he outlawed bling bling? The eternal question “does ANYTHING make Tim Duncan mad?” has now been answered. But nooooo … I have to sit on that literary gem.
Danica Patrick “slugs” a fellow driver after Sunday’s IRL race in Fontana. OK, she angrily “poked Jacque Lazere up side his head” for causing her to spin out. But would Jacque be vilified if he had decked her in retaliation?
A Sports Illustrated writer (and LPGA rules official wannabe) turns in Michelle “The $10,000,000 Hawaiian-Korean Tigerette” Wie for sorta-kinda cheating. It costs the neo-Pro $50,000 in forfeited prize money.
That $50,000 is the minimum that lusty horny Vikings are shelling out to pacify pissed off Viking wives after cruising Lake Minnetonka on the BJ Boat. Isn’t there a historical precedent for Vikings raping and pillaging ???
And Biggio & Bagwell are MLB’s Official Feel Good Story of October … but noooooo, BobLee has got to talk about Kamau The Exterminator.
It’s another beautiful day in San Diego. At a seaside bistro overlooking Coronado Bay, we find a middle-aged University Administrator and a strapping young professional athlete enjoying fresh squeezed guava juice. She turns to him and says “Well, Philip, I’d say we got the hell outta Raleigh just in time.” He replies “Yes ma’am Mary Ann. I do believe you are correct.”
To say it’s been a rough past few weeks for the NC State University community would be a bit of an understatement … DUH! Like saying “Katrina was an ill wind …”.
By now even remote New Guinea tribesmen know about “the UNC game, Derek Morris, “you people” and Bob From Bermuda Run, etc”. …. Even reclusive Peruvian hermits watched “the Clemson game and early mass migration of anti-Chuck boo birds”. …. Mouth breathing cretins who can’t read the back of a cereal box have read “Lee’s Kumbaya Letter”. … Everyone with access to a computer knows about “Bryan The Furious Flag Boy”. …. Even Chris Washburn, Charles Shackleford and Cozell McQueen issued a joint statement condemning the Carter-Finley Jumbotron moron who figured “Mexi-Cam” was a clever stunt. (FYI: that mischievous techie was himself of Hispanic persuasion and the subjects were “friends of his”. He has “been disciplined”.)
… PLUS … Gavin The Illegal Jamaican Basketballer
… PLUS … Jules and The “No Means No” Denver Woman
… and then one very serious note of legitimate sadness – cancer strikes the Valvano Family again.
When you have this melange of human dilemma so bizarre that Robert Ripley won’t “Believe It” whats “the Big Finish”? … Ladies & Gentlemen, Boys & Girls allow me to introduce you to:
KAMAU KAMBON (aka Kamau The Exterminator) – Visiting Professor of Africana Studies at (you guessed it) North Carolina State University.
Kamau appeared on C-Span last Friday. In the chronological timeline of abject silliness which has settled in between Hillsborough Street and Western Boulevard, Kamau fits in between “the mad loonies booing the 40’ Chuck” and “Lee’s Kumbaya Letter”. Kamau has nothing to do with such mundane issues as BCS contenders and “being true to your school”. NC State Professor Kamau simply went on worldwide cable TV and advocated “the extermination of white people”.
Quote Professor Kambon speaking to an international audience on C-Span:
“And we have to start thinking about a solution to the problem. So that these young sisters and brothers are here now, who are 15 16 17 are not here 25 years later talking about these same problems … And the one idea is, how we are going to exterminate white people because that in my estimation is the only conclusion I have come to. We have to exterminate white people off the face of the planet to solve the problem. Now I don’t care whether you clap or not but I’m saying to you that we need to solve this problem because they are going to kill us. And I will leave on that. So we just have to set up our own system and stop playing and get very serious and not get diverted from coming up with a solution to the problem and the problem on the planet is white people.”
… and folks thought getting rid of Noel Mazzone or Marion Jones’ ex-hubby would solve all of NC State’s problems. Wasn’t it just a few months ago that UNCers were indignant when it was thought the Wuffies had one-uped UNC by having a for real Islamic Terrorist enrolled on campus. That proved unverifiable and Chapel Hill temporarily maintained its proud reputation as THE regional petri dish for festering academic idiocy. Now this.
Maybe Chuck can’t beat John … Maybe Herb can’t beat Ol’ Roy … but I’m one UNCer willing to say that NC State Professor Kamau “The Exterminator” Kambon has officially broken clean through the Bozone Layer to set a new standard for the term “your tax dollars at work in academia”.
Memo To New UNC President Ersky: After Molly’s Farewell Party and after your obligatory round of Welcome Home Ersky fetes and after you assure Meezie and Dickie that you don’t believe half the stuff you read about them on those message boards … when you’re ready to roll up your sleeves and clean out the academic stables … maybe, just maybe you invite Professor Kambon over for some Krispy Kremes and a latte and maybe, just maybe you ask him “ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FREAKIN’ MIND?” Which is, of course, a rhetorical question in this case.
At your little palaver with Kamau The Exterminator, at least suggest an inter-campus transfer from NCSU to UNC.
- NC State produces Engineers, Architects, Veterinarians, and Battery throwing hooligan punks.
- UNC produces Doctors, Lawyers, Limousine Liberals, Greeks bearing Daddy’s credit card, and Radical Faculty Squirrels.
It’s that way for a reason … don’t be tampering with “the natural order of things”.
Oh, and Ersky, when you invite Kamau over for that get acquainted meeting … tell him he can’t wear any bling bling or a doo-rag. Bwahahahaha!
I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’d pay cash money AND give up one of my opposable thumbs to see Kamau walk thru F-Bomb Alley wearing a “I’m Kamau and I Hate All White Folks” t-shirt. Yes, I would.
“Alfie” played a British Royal Lancer in two movies … name them?
The Little Old Lady from Pasadena rode down “Colorado Boulevard” … Go Granny Go!
Kamau “The Exterminator” Kambon is listed in the NCSU Faculty Register for Spring 2005 as Professor of Africana Studies. We were unable to confirm his current status or the relevance of Africana Studies. He is also shown as owner of Blacknificent Book Store in Raleigh.
UNC Sports Marketing has planned an F-15 Flyover before the UVa Game. YEE HAA … the Franklin Street Fruitcakes & Bush-hating Hop Toads are having “a hissy fit” over it … issuing anti-aircraft ordinance to members of the Faculty Anarchists Society. Susie Estroff will be atop The Bell Tower using her bra for a slingshot.
BobLee ALIVE will be at the Greenville SC Touchdown Club on Monday at Noon (Embassy Suites – guests welcome!). Weapons will be checked at the door. The Trommelmeister will be covering my back!
Both UNC and NCSU need Ws this Saturday to avoid complete obliteration of what shreds of rational thought still remain within each fan base. YES … “Chuckie Meltdown” helps John Bunting as any pre-existing “comparison pressure” is pretty much gone now.