Gotta Luv Reverend Al

January17/ 2000

…Many of you will not agree with me on this, but I think Al Sharpton is one of THE most delightfully colorful characters on the world’s stage today.  Pun fully intended, and Al would be disappointed otherwise… Al’s latest headline grabber has him being recruited by the flapdoddles over at PETA to encourage the black community to boycott KFC… Yep, use Al Sharpton to convince the bruthas and sistas to stop eating fried chicken!

   Before you’ans jump to whatever conclusions you’ans are poised to jump to, hear me out on this one. … … First you have to get beyond Al and Twana Brawley in the bag full of feces.  That whole mess was simply too nasty.  Al was in his headline grabbing infancy back then.  I look at that incident in the wider scope of Rev Al’s whole career like we do the ubiquitous “ex-boyfriend nude sex video” that apparently EVERY Hollywood actress HAS to have in her past these days.  

   Knowing what he knows now, Al would have never pulled that trashy scam.  Well he might, but he would cover his tracks much better.

   There is no controversial icon strutting his stuff for the 24/7 news cycle crowd these days better at it than Al Sharpton.  He has accumulated all the promotional razzmatazz of Adam Clayton Powell, Reverend Ike, Cab Calloway, Jesse Hisownself, James Brown, Randy Moss, Tammie Faye Baker AND Don King into the consummate African American Self-Promotion Machine.  About the only stunt he hasn’t pulled is dating Ben Affleck or unioning up with Ellen Degeneres and who knows those may be next.

Like Don King, Al Sharpton knows exactly what his image is both with “black folks” and with “white folks”.  And it’s exactly the image he intends it to be.  

On intellect and political savvy, the last two Democratic presidential candidates couldn’t qualify to wear Al’s chauffeur’s cap.

   Sean Hannity agrees with BobLee. He loves Al.  Booking Al for a nationally televised game of verbal ping pong is better than having Cirque Soleil in your backyard.  The guy NEVER disappoints. Sound bites pop out of the man like “you know what” from a Christmas goose.

   I realize many of you probably dislike “The Rev” a lot.  Reconsider.  If you are not a contributing constituent of Al Sharpton’s he does not represent the slightest “threat” to you.  Now if you ARE sending him money, you might want to check on your ROI.  Have you ever known anyone who sent Al Sharpton money?

   Guess what?  There is a pretty significant ethno-cultural divide in this country.  DUH!  NOBODY benefits from that divide in 2005 as enjoyably as Al Sharpton.  You say what about Jesse Jackson”?  I’ll tell you about Jesse.  Jesse takes himself WAAAY too seriously.  Very few others do any more … but Ol’ Jesse still thinks he has relevance on the national scene.  He hasn’t gotten the word that displaying Terry McAuliffe’s “holiday card” on one’s refrigerator is no longer an A list symbol.  McAwful himself is scrambling to power wash Tom Daschle’s cooties off his own hands.

   Jesse was the first to develop the Fortune 500 “extort whitey” racket on a national level.  And NO ONE has ever done that better than JJ for sure.  But Jesse today is like Michael Jordan’s comeback with the Wizards.  Not the glorious memory we want to hang on to.  Unlike Jesse, Al has always had a rascal’s twinkle in his eye.  Maybe that is the reflection from all the bling bling that is part of his public costume.  Whatever, Al Sharpton is a cool dude … and he knows it.

   Lets get back to this PETA deal.  The PETA crowd wants Al to be their spokesman to get “the bruthas in da hood to stop eating fried chicken” … because the chicken producers aren’t giving the birds enough “wing room”.  Think about this … PETA wants Al Sharpton to go against a company founded by an eccentric con artist wearing a white suit who barnstormed around the country hawking “secret herbs and spices”.  Go against Colonel Sanders !!! … Hell, thats one of Al’s role models!  He uses The Colonel’s how-I-did-it book as a bibical text.

 PETA’s call to Al must have gone down something like this …

 Ring, Ring …

… Sharpton here.  Whats in it for me?

Uhh, Reverend Sharpton, this is Isabel Wombat.  I am the Executive Director in Charge of Really Foolish Publicity Stunts for People for Ethical Treatment of Animals and …

… Lady, lady … you didn’t answer my question.  What’s in it for Reverend Al? Dollars?

 Well, actually we are prepared to compensate you quite handsomely in exchange for your participation with us.  Now let me explain …

Define handsome.  You should know that less than six figures ain’t even sorta good looking. We talkin’ Denzel, Billy Dee, and Will Smith … keep talking.

Well, that can probably be arranged.  Actually we were hoping that you might join us in exchange for the wide-spread global “exposure” this will surely receive 

Slow down woman.  I will help you nuts in exchange for “exposing” a suitcase filled with bearer bonds here on my desk.  If I want freakin’ “exposure” all I have to do is call the head honchos over at the New York Times, Washington Post, and CNN and tell’em what Al want their above-the-fold headline to be tomorrow.  Who do you think you are talkin’ to here woman … that has-been Jesse Jackson?

… I am sorry Reverend. I apologize. Let me continue.  We are launching one of our totally frivolous campaigns against the corporate conglomerate that owns KFC.  They buy their birds from unprincipled chicken growers that don’t care about the emotional wellbeing of these nuggets-to-be.  We want you to use your tremendous influence among “your people” to boycott KFC stores in those urban neighborhoods where “you people” live …

… Keep talking Lady; but just so you know … I just added on a 20% “Step & Fetch It” penalty for those “you people” comments.  I would kick it up higher but you’re giving me such a laugh with this whole silly mess.  OK, the chickens need more “wing room” so howsabout we make whitey play Barry White CDs to the dumb chickens while their heads are chopped off.  Barry is a friend of mine and I want to cut him in on this scam.

 Well, certainly. I can ask our Executive Director of Secondary Silliness if he concurs.

You do that.  Sure Mrs Dingbat, I’ll play your nutty game …

… That’s Wombat. Isabel Wombat …

… Whatever. Hell, standing beside you fruitcakes, I’ll be the sane one.  That’ll be a switch.  $250,000 in unmarked bills on my desk by 8 AM tomorrow … a paid up lease on a Midnight Blue Maybach … a South Beach condo for “my staff” … oh, and one other slight detail.

Uhhh, yes Reverend Sharpton. This is quite a list.  What is the other item.

… If I am gonna be PETA’s spokesman to get black folks to quit eating fried chicken.  I want a similar gig for a friend of mine who actually could use the cash and “the exposure”.   Call your nutty buddies over at People for the Ethical Treatment of Watermelons and tell’em Whitney Houston will be the anti-watermelon spokesman in those urban neighborhood where “all us people” live. … oh, and is there one of these fruit loop groups of People for The Ethical Treatment of Tap Dancers and Malt Liquor drinkers?


Yep … you have got to appreciate The Reverend Al Sharpton.  

I’m not kidding when I say The Dude has got STYLE!

BobLee is a sure nuff fan of The Rev!


Do You Remember 

What was the name of Quint’s boat?


   Our little thingie on Raleigh’s Great Flurry of ’05 was HOT!  How Hot, BobLee? So hot it melted all the ice in 24 hours and left 1,000,000 folks overloaded with bread, milk, eggs, and AA batteries.  Even lactose intolerant folks rush out to buy milk when a stray snowflake hits the tip of their nose.  Why do they do that?

     BobLee gives one heck of a side-splitting after-dinner speech.  He’ll offend a few but by the time he’s done even they will love the guy.  Book the guy for your next fundraiser.

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