Doing What Comes Naturally

January17/ 2000

… BobLee gives a philosophical ponder at the antics of Larry “Peter Pan” Brown and Terrell Owens, “… and you expected… ?”  In a potpourri scamper through the fields of human hijinks we update NCSU’s attempt  to become The Triangle’s #1 source for terrorism …. AMATO and SPURRIER drive Tar Heel fans “over the edge” (a VERY short drive!) …. And we introduce you to a few new BobLee Buddies.  “Say good morning Gracie” …

    “Basketball’s Peter Pan”, Larry Brown, is at it again to the utter surprise of absolutely no one EXCEPT Larry Brown.  Since giving Yogi Poteet a good by hug in Woollen Gym in 1963, this peripatetic little hoop squirrel has been on a Johnny Appleseed odyssey back home to New York and the Head Coach’s locker at MSG.  All things come to he who has no conscious and believes his own BS.  

    I knew Larry The Legendary Leaver back in 1965-66.  Yep, Swagger was there when LB first hung a whistle around his neck as UNC Freshman BB Coach.  Ye Not So Olde Back Then Legend had recruited the best freshmen team east of Pauley Pavilion … Rusty, Dick, Joe, Bill, Gerald, and Jim … and Larry was designated mentor.  We went 20 something and 1 … losing only to VPI in Blacksburg (Chris Ellis, Jerry Talley, etc coached by a Moir brother).  On that bus ride Larry was reading Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand.  Don’t ask me why I remember that after 40 years.

    Larry left after one season for the glamour of the ABA and to play canasta with his pal Doug Moe.  I always wondered if he ever finished that book, it was quite thick as I recall.  40 years later his magazine subscriptions are still chasing him and he has never received an apartment security deposit back … and never will.  BTW … the trivia answer was Davidson … LB was HC there for 3 months in the mid 70s before Tom Scott wouldn’t let him have new carpet in his office, so he left.

    Being a peripatetic little hoop squirrel is not even a “minor violation”.  Where better for peripatetic squirrels than pro sports.  Yes, he is a fantastic coach; as successful at building a winning team without Hall of Fame talent as any coach EVER.  What I love about the little loon is that pouty “I want my Maypo” look he gets when a team owner says “Enough … Go Away”.  He’s like Eddie Haskell saying “I didn’t break that vase, Mrs Cleaver”.

    People think Larry plans these things. Wrong. He is simply Peter Pan.  He might “grow up and be responsible” someday but first he continues to backpack across basketball trying to discover his inner self. 

    Terrell Owens has no intention of honoring his $7,000,000 contract with the Eagles claiming a combination of the Lattrell Sprewell jive of “I have to take care of my family” and a new gambit of “I’m being persecuted like Jesus was”.  Gotta wonder how many loaves and fishes could Jesus have provided the multitudes on $7,000,000.  If Lattrell couldn’t do it on $14,000,000 it makes sense that LaTerrell can’t do it on half that amount.  No?  Add this sicko to the growing list of professional athletes, Hollywood celebrities, politicians and a certain Raleigh area “trust fund clown” who should be tossed into a wood chipper.

Egypt says “El-Wacko a Fraud Terrorist”!

    Mohammed El-Wacko’s Andy Warhol 15 minutes is up.  For a day and a half the suspected terrorist bomber was the most famous NCSU personality since John Tesh or the fella that invented Sweet Acidophalus Milk … now he’s just another camel jockey who wandered down Western Boulevard trying to convince chicks he was Omar Sharif.  El-Wacko’s celebrity jaunt ended when “Egypt said he didn’t do it” … Egypt said he didn’t do it???  Apparently “Egypt” has now replaced the magic eight ball and the Ouija board as “all knowing”. … Learning this I immediately e-mailed “Egypt” asking The Ultimate Question – 

“Is UNC really the sleeping giant of college football”.  

   I had always thought Danny Ford and Bobby Bowden were the ultimate knowers of all things. Who knew it was “Egypt”?

   For those of you with real lives who may not know … THE SINGLE most enduring cold sore on the lip of UNC’s Lunatic Fringe is a throw away line uttered by Danny Ford and later by Bobby Bowden to hype upcoming FB games with UNC back in the early 90s.  UNC’s Lunatic Fringe despises both Danny and Bobby and accuses them of a misspent life of lies, deceit, and stealing from the poor box at church EXCEPT for that one statement.  If Danny and Bobby had claimed that Zackie Murphy and Lailee McNair were transvestites would that be gospel too?  UNC FB coaches are doomed to bear the weighty burden of that silliness forever.  If “Egypt” confirms that UNC is indeed a potential BCS contender I will let all of you know.  You know I will.    

    With NCSU’s Mohammed El-Wacko reduced to “just another swarthy camel jockey looking for a Motel 6 to manage”, The Chapel Hill-Carrboro Marxist & Anarchy Society is euphoric.  The “distinction” of being the 1st area academic lunatic asylum to produce a for real terrorist is still out there for them to claim.

Chuck and Steve Drive UNC Loonies Over Edge …

   Chuck Amato and Steve Spurrier oughta be ashamed of themselves … really.  The aquarium that holds the most volatile of Carolina’s over-the-top wingnuts clearly has a DO NOT TAP ON GLASS warning.  Chuck and Steve not only tapped on the glass this week … they stuck an eggbeater in there and got the loonies in an uber-twitter.  

   Chuck appeared with Coach John and whatshisname the Duke guy at a Triangle area Football Preview luncheon this week.  Chuck made reference to State’s rivalry with UNC in particular the controversial ending last October 9.  It was a quite predictable jibe and may have even been planned in advance with John … it was that obvious.  WELL … you’d athought Coach Amato had authorized giving graduating seniors cash and lovely parting gifts for all the KABOOM that his playful remarks generated.  Before Chuck had cleared his throat the UNC websites were white hot and boiling mad demanding his immediate dismemberment.  Our congratulations to Coach Amato for a job VERY well done.  But really Chuck, sending those loons into whooping hysteria ain’t all that hard to do.  I do it twice a week.

   No sooner had the Tar Loonies peeled themselves off the ceiling of their cage than The Old Ball Coach down in Columbia jolted’em with a cattle prod.  At his weekly presser, Coach Spurrier again proposed the UNC – USC match-up in Charlotte and restated his “we’re ready and willing but Dickie Baddour seems to be having cell phone problems AGAIN”.  A coy reference to The Dickster’s infamous dead cell phone back in 1997 that changed the face of college football by sending Mack to Texas.  Seeing how much fun it is to send Tar Loonies into bile boiling hysteria you can pretty much count on Chuck and Steve doing it on a regular basis from now on.

  … and just like “Larry The Legendary Leaver”, Chuck and Steve will just smile a silly little grin and say “Who me … what’d I do?”


 Swagger’s Stumper

Name the six scholarship players 

on Larry’s 65-66 UNC Frosh team

Hint: First names appear above.


   You should notice a few changes in our LINKS YOU MUST LINK TO section at the bottom of our Home Page.  We’ve added The A-Line as well as aforementioned Swagger favorites Tar Heel Times and Red & White From State.  College Charlie is still there.

   I’m pretty sure I don’t have an evil twin but if I do it might be “Hokie Jim” at The A-Line.  You’re gonna enjoy this card carrying curmudgeon.  He, and College Charlie, both pass the Swagger Test of not taking themselves seriously at all.  A Google search of that simple quality reveals we may be the ONLY three internet pundit who so qualify.  Jim’s a long-winded rascal but feel free to bite off as much as you can chew of his irregular rants.  Whether he’s bitch slapping Hoos across Mr Jefferson’s hallowed lawn or gigging his own Blacksburg boys you’ll like this galoot.  Yes, he uses a few “Swaggerisms” but it’s OK … he’s “authorized”. 

   And, again, both Tar Heel Times and Red & White are great examples of worthwhile use of bandwidth dedicated to something as devoid of nutritional benefit as sports.  Neither sites have “message boards” and if either ever do, they’ll disappear from our links list faster than Rashad McCants stopped going to class after St Louis.  Check’em out.

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