… discovering America @ Carter-Finley

January17/ 2000

… I expected to enjoy myself.  I was with a good friend, the weather was Footballey, and I had zero emotion invested in the outcome.  Lo and behold, I saw a darn good game and reaffirmed that folks who go to Carter-Finley Stadium for Football are pretty much “mainstream Americans” … that’s a VERY good thing.  Did not see anyone fornicating with farm animals, I did see a lot of pretty girls, and a lot of proud parents. … … Huzza huzza for Mack Brown and Steve Spurrier.  Cliff The Looney Tar Heel says “the upcoming BC game is THE MOST CRITICAL GAME IN JOHN BUNTING’S COACHING CAREER” (MCGiJBCC)… “MCGiJBCC” #26 by SSays Official count. 

    As reported in last week’s SSays, I was the honored guest of a very proud “PPP” (PPP = Pack Player Parent) for Saturday’s NCSU vs Southern Mississippi game.  I was sitting in the PPP VIP section “on the 40”.  I was incognito (wearing zero light blue).  I was however listening to Jones Angell, Steiny, and “that old guy” on the radio (see below).

I met BobLee’s Buddy Buck “under the water tower” by the vet school and we ambled down F-Bomb Alley.  With the current circumstances surrounding NCSU Football, the punkiest of the hooligan punks have migrated to other decomposing piles of fecal matter to spread their joy and good humor.  Hooligan punks are bandwagoners.  You control hooligan punks either by increasing uniform security OR by losing three out of four games or both.  Regardless, F-Bomb Alley was in Code Fuschia on Saturday.

It could have been the non-combustible nature of the opponent.  Southern Mississippi, sans Ray Guy or Brett Favre, generates the same un-high intensity in Raleigh that NC State would generate in Hattiesburg.  They shoulda kept “The World’s Smallest Horse” around from the fair.  He mighta sold another 1,000 tickets.  It was a “late-arriving crowd”; in fact about 8-10,000 fans never got there at all.  Maybe they decided to dress as “aluminum bleachers” for Halloween?  Stealing another idea from Kenan fans! 

One fellow who was there was yet another BobLee Buddy and UNC Linebacker Legend – Little Ricky Packard.  Following his UNC career as “the other linebacker” among Bunting, Webster, and “that scrappy little guy from Clinton”, LRP coached at Mississippi Southern for a spell.  Claims he taught Jeff Bowers all he knows.  Jeff repaid him with a sideline pass on Saturday.

  Buddy Buck was one proud papa.  His boy is a walk-on for the Wolfpack.  Steve Rivers was no more proud of his boy than Buck is of his.  He studied him intently during pre-game warm-ups critiquing his performance in a proud parental way.  If you heard some one yell “your mama and I love you a lot” during warm-ups and saw a Pack player actually dig a hole at midfield and jump into it … that was Buck’s boy trying to hide.  Buck bragged so much about his kid that I had to wait for him to run out of breath before I could brag about Kid Swagger.  Some parents … I swear!

Toney Baker’s dad (and mom I assume) were sitting right behind us.  I’m not sure what his emotions were as the game unfolded .  I rather suspect he was not as thrilled about the emergence of Andre Brown as “State’s newest Heisman hopeful” as Andre’s parents probably were.  Does Andre know about “the global media conspiracy” against all NCSU players? For what it’s worth Mr Baker, the Golden Eagles ain’t exactly the Seminoles.  Give it one more week before you start transfer inquiries for Toney.

The “Stone Age” within “The Amato Era” was a hit.  Marcus’ starting received the 3rd loudest ovation of the afternoon.  #1, of course, was when the final UNC – Miami score was posted on Jumbo.  #2 was in the 2nd quarter when the Back Judge caught a punt with one hand.  It was mega-cool.  The play had been blown dead but kicked any way.  The BJ was nonplussed about it.  I immediately thought if that had been Lou Bello he would have broken into a zig zag run complete with Heisman pose and brought 50,000 to their feet.  I miss Lou Bello.

Kicker extraordinaire John Deraney’s girlfriend was sitting beside us.  A winsome coed at Gardner-Webb, she folded her hands in a prayerful pose and crossed all her fingers whenever her sweetie was in action.  That’s exactly what girlfriends are supposed to do.

Oh … the above remark about “pretty girls” … The UNC howler monkeys decry NC State coeds (like a howler monkey has EVER had a date IN HIS ENTIRE LIFE!) but I gotta tell you those Wolfpack DanceTeamers are right purty.  So are the Oklahoma State cowgirl dancers too.  OK, I’m a sucker for buff coeds in spandex britches and bare midriffs.  I did NOT see the infamous “Tiki Girls”.  I heard they have moved on to the NBA … Timberwolves to be specific.

     Carter-Finley has a MUCH better male fan to urinal ratio than does Kenan.  Wallace Wade is THE WORST of course.  I hate to get too graphic but over at Duke one walks into a quonset hut and just “goes”.  If its true that urine cures athlete’s foot, the 3” of water (yeah, sure!) in those Wallace Wade “facilities” cuts into Tinactin sales around Durham.  Any way … Carter-Finley’s Men’s Rooms are as fine as any in the ACC.  They actually have paper towels.  There hasn’t been a paper towel in a Kenan restroom since Jim Hickey resigned in 1966.

    Like at Kenan, the concession stands are operated by various school and church groups trying to raise funds.  Unlike at Kenan there were NO signs at C-F saying “Buy Your Beefmasters Here.  Proceeds Support The Al-Queda Freedom Fighters”.   

There was no “Mexi-Cam”.  There was no 40’ Chuck on Jumbo.  Chuck was wearing “white shoes” and no Oakleys.  Derek Morris was invisible.  All of these are “good things”.  

There are 100 numerals between 0 and 99.  State (and UNC) has “retired” a handful.  80 players is the maximum a team can dress for a home game … ERGO … two players having the SAME NUMBER IS STOOPID!  Marcus Stone and Mario Williams both being #9 is STOOPID.  Why not just give EVERYBODY the same number.  Carolina also does some “double numbers”.  Play Rock, Paper, Scissors or have a duel to the death … whatever.  Two Players Same Jersey # = BAD IDEA!

BobLee had a great time at the NCSU – USM game.  Many thanks to Buck, the buff dancers, the proud player parents, the Back Judge, and the cute little 2 y/o boy on Row F with the foxy mamma.


   Carolina, struggling at 3-3, lost to Miami, the #6 team in the country.  At least 95 other Div 1-A teams would do likewise.  I can live with it with my self-worth in tact.  When UNC went ahead early, I asked Buck what he would give me to yell out “TOUCHDOWN TAR HEELS”.  He said it wouldn’t matter because I would never live long enough to spend it.  He was right.


    Late Saturday night I was wearing out my remote flipping between Visor Boy vs Fullmer anMack’s Annual Impossible Comeback vs Okla State.  Two of “the most hated coaches on Franklin Street” (whose names don’t begin with “K”) both winning big games simultaneously.  Good thing “Scooter” Libbey was indicted so the weekend wasn’t a total bummer in Chapel Hill.


 Swagger’s Stumper

 What is Ray Guy’s Claim To Fame? 


    Boy … the Kathleen Turner Leer & Lust Society went bonkers over our Body Heat Stumper.  Over 200 SSays readers had to take ice cold showers just thinking about Ms Turner’s memorable performance as Matty.

    Kid had a new babysitting gig on Friday.  In the usual husband banter “while my wife is getting dressed”, Kid was asked about her collegiate sports affiliation.  She noted “my daddy is a local sports guy” … “oh, what’s his name” … “BobLee Swagger” … “NO WAY?” … “yes, way” … “you mean BobLee Swagger’s daughter is babysitting for my children!” … “yes sir” … “Oh how cool is this. Wait’ll I tell the guys”. … … this now ranks with the time the clerk at Blockbuster told Kid and me how much I look like Sean Connery.  The Daddy – Daughter bond is strengthed by such special moments.

    Don’t forget … UNC vs BC … MCGiJBCC # 26.  So say the message board hobgoblins. Speaking of message boards – congratulations to my pal Jeremy who has OFFICIALLY hijacked CarolinaBlue.com.  In the world of cyber smart asses, hijacking one’s first message board is a special moment.  OK, I coached him, but he did the 13,000 irritating posts all by himself.

[email protected]

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Notify of
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x