Cowher To Raleigh – WHY???

January17/ 2000

.. On Monday, “the damn N&O” announced that Super Bowl Champion Coach (and NCSU Alum) Bill Cowher has purchased land for a mega-Mansion in Far Fashionable North Raleigh.  Announcement of the 8,000 square foot manse on 1.5 spacious acres, sent tremors atremorin’ and rumors aflyin’. poobahs compared it to that day Les Robinson hired Buzz Peterson”.  

……..In Chapel Hill speculation was rampant that Bill was John’s choice to replace Brad Lawing.  “DocRyan” approves but EVERY HUMAN BEING that Ken Browning has ever spoken to in his entire life have yet to be heard from; but surely will … BobLee, of course, has it all figured out …

NOTE:  Alas, at the 11th hour, Burly John decided NOT to offer the open assistant position to Bill Cowher.  Apparently Willie Parker told John he wasn’t sure Bill would fit in at UNC.  John took VT’s Danny Pearman instead … We haven’t heard from Ken Browning’s “Loose Lips Gang” but assume they are OK with Pearman.

TOP TEN Reasons Why

Bill Cowher 

is building a mansion 

in Raleigh


# 10

Bill is replacing Michael Costa

as Head FB Coach at St Augustine


Mayor Meeker naming Bill as

Director of Parades for City of Raleigh

# 8

Bill wants to be near Marvin Sanders

hoping some “Marv genius”

will rub off


# 7 

Bill will be Steve Rivers’

Defensive Coordinator

at Wakefield High School

# 6  


    Bill is smitten by Ivory Latta

and plans to stalk her

# 5

State Fairgrounds appointing Bill

“Buford Pusser” of F-Bomb Alley

# 4

   Bill plans to “woo” Tyler to be

next great NFL Tight End

ala Antonio Gates and Tony Gonzales

# 3 

Erskine Bowles naming Bill

UNC System’s Asst Assoc

Deputy Vice-Director for

“Getting ANY UNC School into

A BCS Game Somehow”

# 2 

Herb has hired Bill to be

his “lawn jockey”

to scare off the drive-by shooters

And …

The #1 Reason 

why Bill Cowher

is building a mansion in

North Raleigh


Bill Cowher and Steve Logan 

will open a sports’ bar

on Hillsborough Street

called …

“Not Chuck’ems” 

Of course, it could be Bill and Mizzus Cowher happen to like the area and have life-long friends in Raleigh that like them for themselves and not their celebrity.  His daughters will all be off to college and their own lives in a few years and he can likely envision his own change of life in the forseeable future.  Could THAT be IT? … Naaah … gotta be a byzantine conspiracy in it … that’s a rule you know.


Swagger’s Stumper

Dennis Weaver’s McCloud was part of a series duo

with McMillan & Wife.

Who played “wife”? 


who is “wife” now married too?


Dennis Weaver was Chester Goode and the stalked motorist in “Duel” in 1971 against the demon-possessed 18-wheeler.

Surprised you didn’t we … with this quickie column just a day after the IT column.  Just when ya thought ya had us figured out too …. hehehehe.

The nutzo Fire Chief of Carrboro is in hiding to evade prosecution for repeatedly stalking his girlfriend … proving once again the problems that you get when you start hiring heterosexuals in these critical positions.

The “situation” at the end of the FSU – Duke game … proves that group misbehavior at public events is societal and not specific to certain schools.  As to Coach K’s action … K-haters are just like Bush-haters … WHATEVER He does is wrong because He did it …

The current  jim “Black eye” on North Carolina’s General Assembly proves Swagger’s theory on why state politics has the highest % of crooked no-count sumbitches.  The local pols live in a fishbowl … the national guys are on too big a stage, but “send him off to Raleigh” and it’s likely he’ll be living large and loose before you know it.  Solution: Go in once a week, grab two of’em at random, tar and feathered, sit’em on a rail and send’em back home … the rest will either shape up or cover up their tracks better.

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