Calling Red Adair

January17/ 2000

… Yes, I know Red Adair is dead.  But the legendary oil field fire fighter is the quintessential image to ponder in assessing “what went wrong and why” in the immediate aftermath of Katrina.  … BobLee offers his logical analysis of the quite illogical proceedings of the past several weeks. … and we have another F-Bomb Alley update – SWAGGER HAS HEARD FROM THE POWERS THAT BE.

    The answers to most all of society’s problems can be found in The Godfather.  From “leave the gun, take the cannolis” to Michael Corleone telling Tom Hagan “I need a war time consigliore so I’m replacing you”.  Upfront, before I rip into the goggle-eyed spittle spewing hyenas otherwise known as leadership of the Liberal Democratic lunatic fringe … President Bush needed “a Red Adair” heading FEMA as soon as it registered as a Cat 5.  Mike Brown may or may not be many things, but he most definitely is NOT a “war time consigliore”.

   Most of us are not in “high stress” occupations.  “Sh*t hits the fan” in every business from time to time but extensive life and property damage does not hang in the balance.  Brown was, at best, a “blue sky” FEMA manager.  He was by all accounts an able administrator and dutiful paper passer … a species as plentiful in any government agency as maggots on 3-day old roadkill.  Under “blue sky” conditions he was perfectly suited.

   I recall a recent president who turned over national health care to someone whose qualifications were “makes good but not great cookies and studied communism at Wellesley”.  Making unwise political appointments is apparently a common problem for high-ranking politicians.  Jimmy Carter had his infamous Bert Lance.

   When it was obvious that a very “un-blue sky” emergency was looming President Bush should have said “Mike you’re in charge of dougnuts and coffee.  Red, you are calling the shots … go “gitter done”.  I am impressed that Admiral Allen has a strong “Red Adair” streak in him.


 One of the tentacles of Swagger Global Enterprises involves a very time-sensitive service I provide to an up-scale corporate clientele.  We provide a product and service that involves sensitive technical equipment operated by good but not great employees under, often unrealistic, conditions.  Mr Murphy of “Murphy’s Law” is on-the-scene at every job site ready to pounce in his fashion.  I coined a phrase (surprise, surprise) a few years ago that is my mantra in times of “oh sh*t”.

   “You can cuss … you can fuss … you can hit it with a hammer…

 BUT you cannot squat by the curb and cry.” 

    When you are in the eye of whatever figurative hurricane hits your world DO SOMETHING.  Use your best judgement and the resources at hand and DO SOMETHING.  When that storm has passed we will evaluate how you did.  “Squating by the curb and crying” will never be seen as “acceptable procedure”.  Unless of course you are a goggle-eyed spittle spewing member of the leadership of the Liberal Democratic Lunatic Fringe.


    Let me go on record as being a moderate George Bush fan.  Mizzus Swagger is a much more vocal advocate.  Dubyah has never been the steely-eyed rock-ribbed “Shut up, I’m in charge” kinda guy I prefer running this country.  What he IS is the overwhelmingly only logical viable option to the pitiful alternatives of Quite Insane Algore and that Patrician Fop John Kerry.  A nation calls out for extraordinary men for extraordinary times and this is what shows up … sob, sniff, sigh. 

    Mike Brown, from all accounts, did not rise to the occasion and “gitter done” in the immediate aftermath of Katrina.  He behaved like the dutiful bureaucrat he is.  So there is definitely criticism to be leveled at The White House for not recognizing that immediately.  A “war time consigliore” needed to be standing in the wings awaiting the call.

   A “Red Adair” armed with a Presidential order would have charged into Louisiana and steamrolled that idiot Mayor and Miss “deer caught in the headlights” Governor.  The Liberal Lunatics would have screeched but they were going to screech any way … it’s all they know how to do.  There are very few men (or women) of the temperment and intelligence to run a for-real war room and this was certainly “a war” against the forces of nature.  How did Ike run D-Day knowing the horrible immediate consequences of whatever course of action he chose?  History records he chose the “best”.  Likewise for Harry Truman ordering the bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki.  

   The jackass brigade ALWAYS hides in the weeds until the danger is passed and then slithers out to second-guess and whine, as is their nature.  So it has always been, so it is, so it shall always be.

   I would pay cash money to see Mary Mary Quite Contrary Landrieu stomp her widdle foot and shake her widdle tiny fist at a “Red Adair”.  Mary’s daddy, Moon, for those who didn’t know, was a prominent political Boss Hogg of New Orleans in the 60s and 70s … one of a quite lengthy list of corrupt polit-thugs (Democrats every one) that built “the House of the Rising Sun” that Katrina blew down.  You probably didn’t hear that from the CNN info-babes. 

   I, for one, am grateful for the strategic incompetence of the leadership of the Liberal Lunatic Fringe.  They momentarily “won the lottery” when Mike Brown stumbled and fumbled deciding what color magic markers to use for his charts while the “refugees” were crapping on the 50 yard line of the Superdome.  (sorry for the graphic visual but this is a dirty bizness!).  Like lottery-winners who rush out to buy 100,000 Hostess Twinkies, as the waters receded it was clear to all that the Loonies had quickly squandered every penny of that jackpot with their hyperbolic histrionics 

   Forced to watch Nancy The Nut Pelosi, assorted Kennedy squirrels, and the Zulu Zanies (Jesse and Ol’ Sharpie) not to mention various B, C, and Z list “Hollywood-types” … the rank and file of Americans across the fruited plain realized around the 6-day mark that (1) indeed Mike Brown was waaaay outta his league and (2) the Lib Loonies had established a new depths for abject self-righteous pious idiocy.  One can only speculate how they will build on this “achievement” with the next national emergency.  I, for one, have total confidence that we haven’t seen the “best of their worst” yet.

   A final word on my “Red Adair theory” … when the danger has passed and the raging fires and roaring floods have been tamed … GET “RED” OUTTA THERE ASAP.  A “Red Adair” gitter done type is not a happy camper in a “blue sky” environment.  Don’t call Delta Force to handle parking at a church social.  Recall the final scene of Chuck Norris and Lee Marvin’s “Delta Force” … as the terrorists’ hostages (Martin Balsam, Joey Bishop, etc) reunite with their families, Chuck and Lee and their unsung heroes quietly slip off into the shadows … their work done UNTIL THE NEXT TIME.

   There will always be Tough Times … will we always have Tough Men to call on to handle them?


Latest Update From

Swagger, Trinity Ranger 

   I have had dialogues in the past 48 hours with NC State Chancellor James Oblinger and with NC Commissioner of Agriculture Steve Troxler.  Steve’s department oversees the fairgrounds.

   What happens on “F-Bomb Alley” is absolutely the responsibility of NC State per a written agreement between the two agencies.  NSDofA is very concerned with the situation and will be in touch with NCSU to see what special provisions are being made for the 24th.

   Chancellor Oblinger expresses very sincere concern about the situation and forwarded his comments and my original missive to Lee Fowler and other NCSU officials.

    No one can claim ignorance of the “perfect storm” headed for Trinity Road on the 24th.

   A special thanks to the MANY Wuffies who have written us totally supporting our efforts to rid Trinity Road of its “white trash”.  This is truly everybody’s problem.

   What I hope to see is a press release early next week from Lee Fowler that (1) there will be beefed-up uniform security in the danger zone and (2) that all recent “new policies” will be STRICTLY ENFORCED on the 24th.

    Next week we will issue our official “How To Survive F-Bomb Alley” instructions.


 Swagger’s Stumper

 What is the largest capacity stadium in the NFL?

 (BLS was in that owner’s private suite on Wednesday … woo hoo!)


    Wisconsin’s “Choo Choo” was Elroy “Crazy Legs” Hirsch.  Not surprised that many of BobLee’s Baby Boomer Brigade knew this one.

   A SSays new feature debuts next week … Cliff and Al’s Nuthouse … you’ll like it. We promise.

   Big doin’s around Kenan on Saturday … “Mayor Matt Roberts” is flying in from Norman OK, RamFanatic Frank Gay is coming in from Richmond, Heel-Of-A-Guy driving up from JaxVille.  BLS will be cruising Napa Valley to renew alliances with assorted Tar Heel glitterati.  Even a brief appearance at a gathering of loons … risking his life for an anchovied deviled egg …

   [email protected]

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