ACC DisHonor Roll

January17/ 2000

… It’s been over 48 hours since the last “Marcus eruption”.  Embarrassed Hokies and assorted ACC trainwreck afficianados are returning to whatever they were doing “when all hell broke loose”.  BobLee enshrines Little Vick …. and then we scattershoot “the other stories” …. JoePa vs the nags of NOW …. NFL Playoffs …. Tubby’s Wildcat woes …. and other assorted flotsam and jetsam.

   Nittany Lion King has “a senior moment” … If the “recent lost seasons of woe” didn’t derail Joe Paterno, don’t bet on some hyphenated nag from NOW doing it.  JoePa’s ill-timed remarks about Affair de AJ won’t be dethroning the Lord Mayor of Happy Valley any time soon.  Joe should be attuned enough to “the times” to have known that such off-the-cuff callousness would be blood in the water to the nattering harpies.  Ya gotta feel for Tom Curlie the PSU AD.  His women’s BB coach is under fire on a homophobia charge which will likely resonate longer than this stray drive-by shooting at his resident legend. Last year Curlie and the PSU Prez went to visit Joe about considering retirement … he slammed his office door in their faces (literally).  If Ms Hyphenated wants her turn, lets hope a film crew catches the fun.

   … that JoePa was likely dead-on about the AJ circumstance is, of course, beside the point.  AJ has well-established “thug-cred” but it wasn’t like he jumped outta the bushes and attacked a girl scout selling cookies at the team hotel.

 ACC DisHonor Roll: We try to be cautious in assigning any recent event historical perspective.  To a Junior Woodchuck, everything and everyone on today’s front page is “greatest ever”.  Try to find a UNC message board’s “Greatest UNC BBers Ever” that includes Lennie Rosenbluth or Billy Cunningham.  Ed Cota gets more votes than Lennie or Billy!!! but we’re making an exception for Marcus Vick.  Like 9/11 … somehow you just knew from the get-go “that” was going to get its own historical footnote.  Likewise “the saga of Little Vick” will live on; fed regularly by Hoo-loons and other rival fans from schools whomped regularly by “that no-count Beamer and his hoodlums” aka VaTech Football.

We are officially inducting Marcus Vick into The ACC DisHonor Roll.  The magnitude of his behavior meets all the criteria (see below) and he will be right at home with the other “student-athletes” so honored.  His application has also been sent to Indianapolis for consideration for the NCAA DisHonor Roll … a national collection with much the same criteria.  The NCAA selection committee is currently considering a Mr. M. Clarett’s credentials so Marcus may have to wait on that one.  Yes, Nefarious Nebraskan Lawrence Phillips made it on the first ballot.  Others include Michigan’s Fab Five and everyone who ever played for Barry Switzer (except J.C. Watts!)

The ACC has always had, and will continue to have, a colorful assortment of zanies, bizarros, thugs, reprobates, classroom cheats, felons, roving pizza boy muggers, and police station sheet-rock punchers.  Piffle.  Over its 52 years, only a select few have risen (sunk) to heights/depths setting themselves apart from “just another jock-a-thug”.  That VaTech has an inductee in only its 2nd season in the The NEW ACC Family is noteworthy.

To bottom-feeders in Wuff-World, EVERY UNC athlete is a hoodlum, likewise to the flatworms along Franklin Street EVERY Dookie BBer is a felonious pedophilic homosexual deserving of painful and immediate extinction – yawn.  Our criteria cuts through all that “ours are just misunderstood – yours are AWFUL” partisan crap. 

To merit a mugshot in The ACC DisHonor Roll one must perform MULTIPLE acts of abject idiocy over a period of months/years.  Acts so patently bizarre that neither the late Johnny Cochrane nor Chapel Hill’s very own “poverty Prince” John Edwards, would take the case.

Litmus Test:  When the name of the “disHonoree” is hurled at fans of his school, their only defense is to DUCK and hope the latest assault is short-lived.  In other words … bizarros so far “out there” that only a “Death Row Mamma” can love’em.  

Surprisingly, the list is quite small.  Again, just because a rival player “beat your team like a drum” and/or had a highly competitive attitude or “looked funny” does not merit induction.

 ACC DisHonor Roll:

 PLAYER              SCHOOL           CREDENTIALS

Chris Washburn-NCSU  – 475 SAT, NBA trainwreck, various campus “incidents”

Makhtar Ndiaye-UNC  –  post-game exhibition, racial hoax, post career hijinks

Charles Shackleford-NCSU –  $300,000 fine, campus hijinks, great “quotes”

Melvin Whitaker-UVa –  marginal academics, toted a “boxcutter”  

Willie Williams-Miami  – a rap sheet longer than the backstretch at Hialeah

Marcus Vick-VaTech – Lolita, marijuana, the stomp, McGun … ongoing, “baby”

Lawrence Taylor-UNC  flaunted contempt for “college”, NFL/post NFL miscreant.

Oddly, there are no Criminoles on the list.  Despite their long history of innumerable “bad boys” only prehaps Sebastian Janakowski “repeatedly indistinguished himself” in a “what’s he done this time” fashion.  “AJ” has potential but waiting for details of his “latest”.

We will accept your suggestions for nominees IF you meet the following criteria yourself:

  •  you were born prior to 1980
  •  your current salary exceeds the book value of your car
  •  you have not downloaded porn in the past 24 hours
  •  you can spell Coach K’s full name
  •  you have fewer than 50 posts on Packpride or TheTarPit(*) 

(*) the exceptions here are “Derf” and “Tedensky” who both transcend cyber loonacy to be official BobLee Buddies.

Once one is inducted onto “The Roll” his infamy will live on for as long as at least one fan is still alive who remembers his “heyday” bringing shame and ridicule to his institution and to all who blindly worship at its clay-footed well, bell tower, lawn, chapel, etc.


    Good Luck to The Panthers in Chicago.  I used to like “weather games” but I don’t any more.  Yes, I know it’s the same for both teams, but I like offense … plus I have never completely thawed out from “The Ice Bowl” in Green Bay.  I was a Cowboy fan.

   Hated to see Tiki Barber’s season end in a funk.  I like Tiki (LOOK OUT, incoming Hokie Tiki-dirt clods)

SSays is pulling for Peyton and The Colts to go all the way.  Get a ring Peyton and clear that hurdle.  Lots of unanswered questions about Tony Dungy’s son but lets leave them unanswered, OK?

Precious ACC “road wins” for Ol’ Roy and for Herb.  Wuffs beating BC at BC says something.  Hardcore Wuff Loons only care about beating Heels but to Wuff rank and file, lots to feel good about w/ Herb’s boys.

An infamous UNC FB-“insider” boldly predicts Marcus Mess will re-open “Tidewater” to Carolina and its latest “best recruiter ever” Tommy Thigpen.  This same “insider” has  repeatedly predicted Chuck Amato’s IMMEDIATE demise more often than JJ hits clutch 3s.  “Wishin’” won’t make it so. New VT QB coach has deep Tidewater roots.  The pipeline to Blacksburg is still intact.

Tubby on MAJOR Hot Seat in Lexington.  Even Ashley Judd calling him the “N word” these days.  

“24” 5th season starts Sunday night.  Give’em hell Jack!  BobLee’s ringtone when  Mizzus calls is the theme from “24”.

We hear “The Matador” is a terrific movie.  Plan on seeing it soon.  We’ll likely pass on Brokeback Mountain” but not because we’re afraid “we might catch homo-kooties”.


 Swagger’s Stumper

 Before he was The Matador, he was 007, before that Who was he?


    Sue Lyon was “Lolita”.  James “Captain Nemo” Mason played Humbert Humbert, the professorial Lothario.  Whatever happened to that UNC faculty slimeball that was boffing coeds back in the mid 90s?  Michael Hooker fired his sorry butt.  What would Meezie have done? … upgrade his parking permit?

   Yes, that line about Willie Williams and Hialeah has been submitted for the 2006 Rick Reilly/Jim Murray Pithy Metaphor Award.  BobLee is known as “the Susan Lucci” of the RRJMPMA. 

   Admit it, some of you had written off Teddy Kennedy and crowned Howard Dean the new King of The Bloviating Lib-Loons.  Not unlike JoePa, Teddy is proving that age can be overcome when one has “real talent”.  Teddy’s Alito performance is rivaling his more memorable embarrassments from years’ past.  Like with our ACC DisHonorees, about all a self-respecting Dem (there ARE “a few”) can do is DUCK when Teddy attacks a live mike like it was a turkey leg.   

   We have 6 incredible non-sports columns waiting for “a break in the sports action”.

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