A Happenin’ Sort Of Place!

January17/ 2000

… Somebody call Money Magazine and tell’em to visit “The Triangle” NOW … YEE HAA … are we attracting attention these days are WHAT?  Reminds me of the Stanley Cup Media Blitz … anyone seen a reference to Aunt Bea or Thelma Lou ….  If Diogenes was looking for “rational minds” he needn’t bother visiting our little slice o’ heaven. (UPDATED – WED 5 PM)

    “Most of me” wants Lee Fowler to conduct a prudent coaching search using all the common-sense devices I outlined in the previous column, and resulting in a solid pick as NCSU’s next BB coach … but, I have to admit, a full-blown 5-alarm Chinese Fire Drill resulting in rioting Wuffoonies stacked like moronic cordwood in “the brickyard” appeals to the “little debbil” in BobLee.  In a Lupine version of Tiennaman Square “the tank” would be “a John Deere Combine” and the valiant protestor would be “Floyd R. Turbo” from Selma screaming “WE IS TOO AN ELITE PROGRAM”. 

   I do so love the predictable “after glow” of a coaching change.  The angry villagers who were DEMANDING a human sacrifice, put down their pitchforks and torches and decry the heartless bureaucrats that treated “dear ol’ coach ____ ” so heartlessly.  Ahhhh, the wonderful freedom of opinions without consequence. 

   As we said here several weeks ago … an unfortunate and irreversible convergence of regrettable circumstances led to Herb Sendek seeking a career move from Raleigh to Tempe. I enjoyed  Hokie Jim’s observation on “A Tale of Two Pitino Understudies”.  Both Billy Donovan and Herb Sendek were Rick Pitino’s Boys.  On the same weekend that one cut down the nets in Indy … the other called Bekins for a quote.

   On a related note … One UCLA Legend is daring to cast aspersions in the direction of THE ULTIMATE UCLA Legend.  Bill Walton is saying publicly how UCLA basketball players were treated VERY well by Sam Gilbert and his fat bruin buddies.  Bill catches the hospitalized John Wooden in his net of “had to know what was going on”.  We have long maintained that for all his “dear sweet kindly Coach Wooden” there was, if not a dark side, certainly a compliant side to what REALLY went on.  If even JOHN WOODEN “went along to get along” what other “coaching legends” just mighta sorta maybe coulda possibly done likewise? 

   As Lee Fowler searches for a new human sacrifice for the death of a million libelous innuendos on the Triangle Altar of Celebrity Coaches, let us hope the “new guy’s” immediate family and friends realize that they too will be targeted for assasination by the roving death squads in this 20-mile radius “Killing Zone”.


   UPDATE – 5 PM – Wed 4/5 … New evidence released on Wed … Looking VERY BAD for Duke Lacrosse.  Some VERY “sick puppies”.  Duke Lacrosse Coach Resigns effective immediately (Wed 4 PM).  This whole situation has ratcheted up into another gear. Suggest you avoid visiting Derm until further notice … This mess just got A LOT messier.


   “The Ku Klux Left” … Sure, I look for snappy and provocative “zingers” to embellish these commentaries.  No recent event so offers every socio-cultural stereotype such a golden opportunity to pontificate than “The Gothic Nightmare”.  

     As noted in the earlier commentary, I don’t much care what happens to the Duke Lacrosse team or its individual members.  Self-absorbed privileged preppies who have, even prior to this latest incident, conducted themselves as “self-absorbed privileged preppies”.  A pox on them, their Beemers, their silverspoons, their trust funds, and Granddaddy’s seat on the NYSE.

   What do “self-absorbed privileged preppies”, “exotic dancers”, and roguish Internet Legends all have in common … we are all responsible for our own behavior (UNLESS said behavior was indeed truly under duress).  I am not even going to join the chorus of “innocent until proven guilty” because that brings us to Orenthal James Simpson and his ilk that manage to manipulate juries and the judicial system. 

   Do not be fooled by all the rompin’ stompin’ and silent vigilin’ of the self-righteous Ku Klux Left.  Had “Duke” disbanded the Lacrosse team at 2 AM on March 14 and immediately beheaded any Lacrosse player with semen stains in his Fruit-of-the-Looms, knee-jerk jackass race-baiters like the N&O’s Barry Saunders and a seemingly endless array of outraged nutcases on the Duke faculty would still be scrambling for camera time and above-the-fold by-lines.  Hee haw. hee haw. hee haw …

   Chapel Hill’s “silent vigil-antes” are steamed that Duke has jumped their shark with this one.  Chapel Hill’s looniest were counting on at least another month of vigiling for Mad Mo The Not-a-Terrorist … but all the satellite trucks done moved 8 miles northeast … DAMN THOSE DOOKIES!

   Gang rape (and solitary rape) is a horrible crime, as is “drive-by shooting” and drug-peddling (Derm’s more traditional crimes of choice).  Perpetrators of any/all should be dealt with in the most harsh of manners.  I stopped counting the number of comments I have read hypothesizing “what if a black basketball team had raped a white girl” … “would the reactions have been similar”.  Yes, if by that you mean, the same knee-jerk race-baiting jackasses would be rompin’, stompin’ and silent vigiling for the “innocent until proven guilty” black athletes. That’s how Barry and his predictable ilk rouse their rabble.

   I have never been “a college student and single mother of two” forced into “exotic dancing”.  Nor have I ever been “to the manor born” with a seven figures birthright guaranteed because I was granted membership in the “lucky sperm club” (Yikes, pun intended!).  But I have been to enough rodeos and fallen off enough turnip trucks to recognize grandiose BS when I see it.

   The Gothic Nightmare / 3-Ring Media Circus will set the Derm community back 50 years.minimum. Which puts it in about 1830 time-wise. The “drive-by media” is extremely lazy and oh-so predictable.  Should there be irrefutable evidence to exonerate the “already convicted by the media” privileged “penetrating perpetrators”, you can bet that Derm will burn, baby burn … and knee jerk jackasses will demand human sacrifices (and LOTS AND LOTS of Duke Dollars).  If 3-4 preppies are convicted of all charges and all of’em lynched on the steps of the Duke Chapel within an hour of their conviction … the knee jerk jackasses in the local media will say “we want MORE … LOTS more human sacrifices and LOTS more Duke dollars”.

   If (when) Derm does “burn, baby, burn” the N&O will offer a free book of matches with every new subscription? (Actually the N&O hasn’t been getting many new subscriptions in quite a while … duh!) … … and you thought this was just about “a college student and single mother of two” who had “happy feet” … and some Lacrosse players who just loved to party.


   The N&O ran a special section on “Lacrosse” a few days ago so their readers would better understand how that apparently relates to what happened.  How come those sanctimonious 4th Estaters on South McDowell Street don’t also run a special section on “exotic dancing”.  How come ???

   Is there ANYONE out there who thinks “exotic dancing” is like those belly dancers in those middle eastern-themed restaurants with the castenets and wrapping silk scarves around Daddy’s head while Mom and the kids laugh at his embarrassment.  That’s not exactly what the “college student and single mother of two” was doing on March 13.  Alas, This Gothic Nightmare is “a morality play” with a whole lot of immorality involved.   

   Just a thought … if the Duke Laxer in charge of “entertainment” had just specified “white” “exotic dancers” to the pimp, the only ones rompin, stompin and vigiling would be ugly girls and lesbians.  It would have still been an awful crime for sure, but Barry and his one-trick pony race baiters would have stayed out of it. … you know … “white-on-white crime” = yawn, who cares.


Swagger’s Stumper

Before McHale’s Navy 

there was Duane Doberman reporting to Sgt Bilko …

Who played Bilko … What was the actual name of the show?


   Tim Conway was Ensign Parker reporting to Quinton McHale (Ernest Borgnine).

   “The Old Leaguer” – Walter Rabb has passed on to The Great Dugout in The Sky.  A heckuva fine fellow and legendary Tar Heel sports figure as baseball coach and administrator.

   We hear that Tom Purdie of Purdy’s On Franklin Street is battling the “Big C” down in Florida.  A hail fella well met if there ever was one.  Hang in there Purdie.

   Tough loss for Coach G and Duke women … Duke needed something to celebrate these days … didn’t get it … 

   At 9:59:56 on Monday night, 15,000,000 TV viewers yelled an obscenity.  If you watch “24” you were one of them weren’t you?  A plot twist that came waaaay outta left field. 

   I really hope Cynthia McKinney puts in a comic appearance in Derm before this circus is over.  Is this demented dingbat auditioning for an Amos n’ Andy Revival? … maybe she and Barry Saunders can do some Fred Sanford and Aunt Edna routines. Fools on parade, fools on parade.

   I was perusing a howler monkey asylum for posts about Post-Herb and marveling at the assembled lunacy … then I realized I was on a UNC board … oops. Only difference is the color of the masthead.

   Too bad for Ivory and Elana and company.  Ivory lost her composure at the end … can’t be doing that Tadpole.  Lots of folks watching you as a role model.

E-mail BobLee at …

[email protected]

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