A Billion Chinese

January17/ 2000

Ye Olde Legend is credited with that “a billion Chinese don’t care …” analogy when asked about some goings-on with UNC Basketball. …In truth it’s a well-worn comparison. ..Via his BobLee ALIVE appearances, Swagger can now add rooms full of Rotarians into the mix of “people not obsessed with sports in general and ACC sports in particular”. ..This will shake many of you to your core.  Also, more Paige Laurie news!

   Our account of the Paige Arena shenanigans at Missouri has “hit a homer” with SSays readers.  Apparently we had 7-Up comin’ out of noses all across SwaggerNation.  An update down at the bottom here.

   As you know, BobLee has appeared before numerous civic clubs across North Carolina and the Southeast.  The BobLee ALIVE Tour has taken me to neither Murphy nor Manteo but over 50 places in between.

   If you aren’t up-to-speed on “civic clubs” circa 2004, allow me a short primer.  Regardless of the community, a Rotary or Kiwanis Club will be a pretty accurate cross section of a community’s upper middle class businessmen (and women).  Club sizes range from several dozen to several 100s.  Swagger has appeared before as few as 18 and as many as 300 … with the average between 60-90.  Average age of attendees vary; but 40ish+ covers it pretty well.

   I am invited to address these gatherings based upon the nature of these commentaries.  SwaggerSays is BobLee’s perspective on “sports” usually “sports” specific to the ACC and even more specific to the Triangle-area schools.  If you haven’t noticed, I tend to take a jaundiced view towards the life/death importance that some among the general population tend to apply to games played by college students.

   Usually the club officer inviting me gives me a “profile” of his club.  They are ALWAYS “a great bunch of guys (and gals)” who love sports and have great fun needling each other each week.  I’ve been at this long enough to decipher that.  Yes, almost without exception they are “a great bunch of guys (and gals)” but I have found the in-depth knowledge of sports to be a quite relative term.

   On one far out end of the spectrum we have those goggle-eyed message board loonies who know what Dickie Baddour had for breakfast AND how many eyelets Chuck’s red shoes have.  OK, that is the hardcore “get a life assuming you ever had one at all” crowd.  Trust me, these humanoids do not have time to be community-minded upper middleclass business types.  Just the time it takes to personally telephone 50 18 y/os each day and ask “when’s your OV” precludes engaging in much productive commerce and industry.  

   “OV” by the way is recruitnik lingo for “Official Visit” when Billy BlueChip puts on a relatively clean “replica jersey” and polishes his Timberlines to visit an institution of higher learning.  For an “OV” to Boulder CO they usually get a penicillin shot and gargle Binaca just in case.

   To say “an average Rotary Club” has a high sports knowledge quotient means they know that colleges play Football in the Fall and Basketball in the Winter.  Each club usually has a handful of guys who could get maybe the $30 sports question on Jeopardy.  I told a heck of a lot of incredibly funny Dickie Baddour and Amato jokes learning the above definition of “sports loving Rotarians”.

   Any Rotary Club in North Carolina is guaranteed to have members who graduated from UNC and NCSU as well as major colleges within a 200 mile radius.  Greensboro has a number of VaTech grads for some reason.

   Give me a room of 100 “upper middle class 40-ish adults” with college degrees … ask for a show of hands for “who are the following … Kurt Busch – Dick Baddour – Herb Sendek – James Moeser?”  When there are less than 6 hands raised by the time I say “Moeser” you redefine “love sports”.  Oh … Kurt Busch won the 2004 NASCAR Nextel Cup Championship.  Three Rotarians out of 45 in Mooresville of all places knew him.

   Now once I learned the above, I developed much more confidence in the overall state of our society.  Knowing WHO Dick Baddour is, much less knowing all his foibles and transgressions, is simply NOT a requirement for being a community-minded citizen in North Carolina.  I think that is a VERY “good thing”.  Now you are beginning to understand why we started that new website.

   The market for folks who give a rip about Chuck, Dickie, John Bunting, et al is incredibly finite.  Even among those who attend the games, interest beyond a superficial level is amazingly, well, superficial.

   Now I CAN do bits on Ron Artest, Nicollette Sheridan, or a few “Frat Boy vs Farm Boy” Carolina vs State jokes and get universal recognition.  Dean Smith’s and even Roy Williams’ name does get a response as does “Coach K” which should not be much of a surprise.

   I will never forget a goggle-eyed message board wuzzle a few months ago who was in full rant that “Dickie Baddour had made UNC a national laughing stock …” … Yo, wuzzle, go 20 miles from the Old Well and The Dickster’s Q Rating (name recogntion) is about the same as one of Gladys Knight’s “Pips”.  In fact, a Rotarian downeast guessed Baddour was Doug Clark’s saxophone player.  “See that AD dressed in blue, hey loddie loddie lo … “

   I still do a few “Dickie jokes” but now I just make up names for “the Carolina AD” and nobody knows the difference.  I’ve called him Rick Dees, James Taylor, and Mack Kuralt … same reaction.  As for “the State football coach” … I call him Bo Reed, Willis Casey, or John Tesh.


Paige Laurie Update

   Turns out Bill Laurie has a brother-in-law Stan Kroenke also in Columbia who married “the other Walton sister”.  Stan actually does have “a lick of bizness sense” to go along with his wife’s gazillions.  Stan owns the Denver Nuggets and Avalanche and is part-owner of the St Louis Rams.  Stan and Bill are bitter rivals.  Bill is pretty much considered a buffoon around Columbia MO and that’s by the handful of neighbors that actually claim to “like” the guy. 

   I spoke to a high school classmate of Paige’s.  Comparisons to Paris Hilton were being made even before anyone had heard of Paris Hilton.  Paige cheated her way thru high school too.  Total Skank!  None of this recent scandal surprised ANYONE in Central Missouri. 

   I visited The Paige Sports Arena (Mizzou Sports Arens) on Sunday.  The sign guy is laughing all the way to the bank on this one.  They can reuse the “i”.  Word from The Curators … “change all the signage IMMEDIATELY”.

   Also, Quinn Snyder ain’t “the golden boy” any more.  His act has worn very thin.  Lots of talk but nothing to show for it but NCAA infractions and plenty of “bad boyz”.

   For all you Dickie-haters … Dickie ain’t never put his little tassel loafers in a glorified mess like this one at Missouri. …  We do hear that The Dickster is struttin’ like a little bantam rooster since the Duke game.  He’s claiming the team’s late season turn-around totally vindicates him vis-à-vis his “non-fan club”.



Swagger’s Stumper

What was the name of Frank Capra’s most famous “guardian angel”?


CHRISTMAS NEWS!!!  … Braggin’ Rites just did its 2nd printing … BobLee’s for real book is THE Perfect Stocking Stuffer for any Heel, Wuffie, Rotarian, Kiwanian, or just about anyone who can read (that even includes 60% of the Internet loonies!).  Go to that link over on the right side and order today … BLS will autograph each copy per your request.

Speaking of Christmas Gifts … We are glad to help our buddy Rick with his “Jerseys In The Rafters” video.  It’s a first class piece for hardcore UNC BB fans.  Go to the link and order TODAY 

Special offer for FREE SHIPPING on “Jerseys in the Rafters”!

For a limited time, get FREE SHIPPING when you order “Jerseys in the Rafters”, the ultimate video tribute to North Carolina’s greatest stars.

Order as many as you like.  It’s available on VHS or DVD.
You must go to this special link to order:

The order page says the offer expires December 1st, but Bob Lee’s been told it will be good through this weekend in honor of the Tar Heels’ hot start!


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