20-3 – The Case FOR John Bunting

January17/ 2000

Among you fans who are sharp enough to use cutlery, if asked in August, which games MUST John Bunting win this season.  You would have said W&M, State, Wake, Duke and another “pick’em” that would be either GaTech or VaTech. So far he has won three of those.  The four losses have indeed been blowouts to four teams with a combined record of 20-3.  We will examine this … plus Swagger has a special “Heisman moment”. 

   Before this season we told you that John needed to beat W&M (because they are a “small college”), GaTech (because it was a home game versus a middle tier ACC team), and State (because they are “State”).  If he did not achieve those Ws then anything after October 9 would not matter.  He did that so post October 9 does still matter.  

   UNC has now lost four games … “lost”, hell, pummeled into cornmeal.  The four losses are to teams with a combined record of 20-3 with those three losses to Miami (2) and FSU (1).  NO TEAM in America has faced that level of opponents.  

   Sure, your typical Tar Heel “football fan” has no respect for Louisville or Utah but that does not matter.  They are among the top 15 teams in America.  FSU would have beaten UNC by 20 more points if their rookie QB had ever met his center before the game.  Any team that can blow away Virginia is a juggernaut. 

   One of the most impressive Ws in “the Bunting era” came very late on a Saturday night and very few UNC people saw it … in Tempe AZ in 2002.  The same number “saw” the late night massacre in Salt Lake City.  Another 500+ yards of total offense against the non-Huxtable coached UNC defense.  How can that be?  I thought “that damn Dave Huxtable” was the problem.  He was thrown under the bus yet UNC continues to give up yards and points at a record rate.  After Utah destroys us, a UNC Internet Jackass makes a Mormon polygamy slur … yep, really classy fan!

   Marvin Sanders’ old team, Nebraska, gave up 70+ points last week. Not sure what that means but I just love to confound idiot logic.  Sanders was anointed the defensive savior when he arrived from Lincoln.  How many points would UVa, Louisville and Utah have gotten otherwise … the mind reels!

   IF Bunting beats Wake and Duke he wins “the mythical State Championship” which means absolutely nothing except “braggin’ rights” for every UNC fan in the state of North Carolina which, of course, means EVERYTHING to the typical Tar Heel fan.  Sure the W over State will always be tainted … so what … that makes it all the more gruesome to replay.  Beating Wake Forest will be a VERY daunting task.  If John Bunting does beat Wake and Duke he merits strong consideration to return in 2005 under one condition … The Dickster MUST GO!

   The angry villagers of Tar Heelia demand a human sacrifice of major proportions.  A Gutekunst or even a Tranquil does not equal “major proportions”.  Only the white-topped head of The Little Prince will satisfy the rabble.  He does not have to be tarred and feathered and drummed out of Orange County.  A “reassignment” to the dank basement of South Building will suffice.  Meezie can even call it a promotion and give him some trumped up plaque that Doug Dibbert can take a picture of.  Bring in the eagerly awaited “AD who looks and acts like a real AD” and the euphoria in 99% of Tar Heelia will buy Bunting Year 5. It can be Eric Hyman or Chas Waddell or even Matt Kupec or HEAVEN FORBID someone with experience with no ties to UNC … just not a white haired chipmunk named Dickie.  Dickie is Bunting’s Barrabas.  Give him another game ball John but its either you or him … if not both of you.

   Being “fair” to John Bunting is irrelevant.  This is business not some politically correct silliness.  John is a heterosexual white male … he has no rights.  Remember now … Steve Spurrier never has been a possibility … and never will be.  The Urban Meyers of the world are not going to return any calls from Chapel Hill either.  UNC IS NOT A SLEEPING GIANT.  

   If John loses to either Wake or Duke he is gone … maybe a win over VaTech replaces a L to Wake but better chance versus the Deacons.  A lopsided loss to Miami is absolutely a certainty.  Don’t bring the women and children to Kenan for that one.  It does not matter.  After 3, lop sided butt whupping losses are just Ls.  It’s a rule, I checked.


   BobLee spent the weekend at Kiawah Island at yet another Celebrity Golf thingie.  I lost count of how many of these I’ve done but each has its moment … this one had a doozie.  On Saturday night a bunch of the fellas were sitting around the 19th Hole Grill at Turtle Point Golf Club … your usual bunch … Mike Schmidt (Phillie HoF), Mickey Tettleton (former Tiger catcher), Dwight “the catch” Clark, Grant Fuhr (NHL HoF), Seth Joyner (Eagle NFLer), Corey Miller (NYG LB),  Al Del Greco (ex-Titans PK), BobLee Swagger (Internet Legend) etc.  

   When old pro jocks get together they talk about four subjects … psycho coaches, crazy ex-teammates, nasty women, or bad investments.  This time it was college football.  The subject of Oklahoma rookie Adrian Peterson came up.  Could he win the Heisman?  Has any freshman won the Heisman?  Spirited debate ensued.  Several thought Herschel Walker had.  A big booming belly laugh erupted from the corner of the bar.  

   “Herschel didn’t win The Heisman in 1980, his freshman year.” 

   “How do you know?”

   “Because I won it!”

   Yep … it was ol’ George Rogers the former Gamecock running back who did indeed win The Heisman in 1980.

   The whole room erupted in laughter.  This was the ultimate sports trivia “Gotcha”.  The man who was ‘the answer” was there to verify the story.  George bought everyone the next round of beers and I had a great column anecdote.


   As much as I love those Cardinal uniforms, you gotta love those Astros.  The thought of Roger Clemens returning to Yankee Stadium in an Astro uni is fun to imagine.  


Swagger’s Stumper

Where did “Little Susie” fall asleep?


Topo Gigio was Ed Sullivan’s mouse. ahhhh eeeeddddie!

Maryland looked sooooo ugly versus State.  If Maryland had been a woman it would be “Barb Farley” the butt ugliest woman I know. Not drawing Maryland or Clemson may have been unfortunate for UNC this season.

Despite concerns by many of you, the column on “Carolina-type kids” only drew one cancellation.  Some guy named “Gus” said he had “had it” with BobLee.  By by “Gus”.  Looks like Rashad McCants will be providing good column fodder this winter … do we just write this bad boy off as a Mad Matt leftover?

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