What About The Villains?

January16/ 2000

….. News is like Weather.  Everyday there is some.  Lately around here there’s been a LOT.   The Easley Mess is in Stage 4 or 5 or 12 depending on how you count “updates”.  Gov Sanford, like ALL hypocritical Christian Conservs is philandering like a Kennedy except Mark’s dates don’t drown.  And over at Duke “it’s where oh where is The Gang of 88?”  WARNING – WARNING -WARNING

Folks, this column is NOT for everybody.  I truly care about you being informed AND entertained when you visit here.  This column absolutely pushes those boundaries.  Its Gross.  It’s Sick.  It’s in VERY poor taste.  It involves Duke University and a Homosexual Pedophile.  Either one or both of those subjects might not be your cup of tea.  PLEASE consider clicking out on this one.

Now that I have everyone’s full attention plus you’ve called in the next-door neighbors ….

If a prestigious academic institution touts its Heroes as representative of the whole …… how do they tout its Villains?

If a student wins a sports championship or a Rhodes Scholarship or a faculty squirrel discovers a new shade of beige or that King Tut had a 3rd nipple  …. The academic institution’s well-oiled PR machine whips out a glossy brochure all about it and sends out the Big News to a whole lot more people than actually care.  LOOK at what happens over here at Whatzamatta U!  Aren’t our people cool?  Send us your $$$$ so we can become even cooler and discover even more shades of beige.

I understand why they all do that.  But as we see with The Late Jacko, “Fame” comes in many ways especially if your overall society has sunk to Stygian depths mid-way between Sodom and Gomorrah.  Here we be.

What does an academic institution do when its “Famous Person du jour” is not exactly from the Frank Merriwell School of Heroes.  Suppose its Snydley Whiplash?  Suppose its Frank Lombard?

Many accomplished people have passed thru Buchanan Duke’s Gothic Rockpile over in West Derm.   To name a few ….. Ken Starr, Richard Nixon, Elizabeth Dole, Steve Spurrier, Art Heyman, Quinn Snyder …… Frank Lombard.   1,000s of neurologists, biologists, proctologists, and every kind of “ologists” you can name along with titans of industry and chasers of ambulances and players of lacrosse and enough Wall Street hedge funders to populate their own wing at Sing Sing.  Duke has A LOT of Heroes and Duke has Frank Lombard.   Whatcha gonna do with Frank The Freak Lombard?


For the past three years the Duke U mukety mucks have been thinkafying to come up with something to get John Q. Public’s mind off of The Duke Lacrosse Scandal.  They hoped The K-meister could win another NatChamp but that ain’t happening.  They brought in Coach Cutt and he’s a heckuva fine fellow but in a jay-walking poll taken in downtown Fresno ….. word association:  Duke = Nifong.   Ouch.  

Hey what about Frank Lombard over in Public Health Services?
Frank Who?
You know Ol’ Frank the Associate Director of the Duke Center For Public Health Policy.
Never heard of him.  What does he do?
Frank is this 42 y/o gay guy that rents out his adopted 5 y/o son for perv sex over the Internet.

Is that Myron Piggie character with Corey Maggette still around?
No, he left when Corey left.

Is Elliott Williams still around?
No, he’s gone to Memphis.

What about Pete Gaudet?
OK, forget I asked.

Is Frank Lombard the only thing we’ve got?
I’m afraid so.

A freakin’ homo-pedophile who rents out a 5 y/o boy for deviant sex thru the Internet!
Sure, if you put it like that it sounds a little rough but we figure the mainstream media will  sanitize this maniac so well he won’t be any yuckier than Jeremiah Wright.
Yeah, you’re right on that.

OK, lets go with the homo-pedophile as long as there’s no link to that idiot Nifong.
Not that we can find, but there are a few months of missing e-mails.
Is Oblinger involved with Lombard too?
Not that we can find.

Have you cleared this with “The Gang of 88”?
We don’t think that’s a good idea.
How come?
Sir, there are aspects of this child-man love business you don’t need to know about.
But The Gang knows about it?
Sir, please ….. The Gang of 88 prefers that Frank’s little side business remain under the public radar.  They feel John Q Public might not appreciate the erotic artistry of it all.
The Gang is afraid all 88 of’em will get lynched, beheaded, and dragged behind pick-up trucks by their intestines all the way to Roxboro.
You got it Sir.

Let’s go with it.
Roger that!

The gross details of Frank The Freak Lombard broke late Friday afternoon.  He is currently in Federal custody in Washington DC.  This story has “gone national” but, predictably, is not getting much coverage from those media organizations who are supportive of homosexual pedophiles who rent out 5 y/o adopted children for sex over the Internet.  
    If your local electronic or print media is not running this story I would NOT recommend you taking your child’s scout troop or kindergarten class for a tour of their facility.


Meanwhile on a slightly less deviant level:   We have an update on The Former Senator & The Videographer & Andy & Baby “It”.  (SOURCE:  NY DailyNews 06/28)

All of you who said “I bet there’s a sex tape of John & Reille”  YOU WIN.  To quote the NY Daily News “showing the candidate in several positions he did not advocate in his platform”.  OK, go throw up and come back.
Andrew is definitely not the baby-daddy.  Andrew says John is but John is nowhere to be found.
Elizabeth is pissed at Andrew because apparently she (Lizzie) was the only one on the entire campaign staff that did not know Johnny was banging “the videographer” A LOT and for A VERY LONG TIME.
During the course of their numerous “doing its” they (John & Reille) discussed what music they would have at their wedding once Lizzie was “out of the way”.  How Oprah will deal with that is anybody’s guess.
Andrew, according to Lizzie, stole the baseball card collection that once belonged to their deceased son Wade.  Yes, that seems bizarre even for this bunch.
Lizzie also leaked to the media that “Andrew once stole a sign from a biker bar”. (huh?)
And …. John Edwards and John Kerry did NOT get along in Campaign 2004 AT ALL.   AND John thought Obama would give him the AG gig. (with Reille as Mrs AG!)
There are still some people, even today, who think The Edwards’ should be living at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue with their finger on the nuclear trigger.  In a very small way, does that makes Barack & Michelle seem almost sorta not so bad?   …… Naaaaaah.


   North Carolina’s She-Governor Beverly “Baby Dumpling” Perdue learned this weekend that she is America’s 3rd most Unpopular Governor trailing Ahnuld in Cali and that blind guy in NY (the one that replaced THEIR philanderer).  When told the news, Bev, smiling demurely, replied “I didn’t know that black guy was blind.”
Poor Bev is the official poster girl for Totally Bewildered.
Only 3.5 more years and the same robo-voters from ACORN who voted Dumpling in will do it again.


Where is Quinn Snyder these days?


Yes, I copyrighted  Tyler is a Pacer – Mamma is a Cougar.

Wilbur Mills & Fannie Foxx were cavorting in/near The Tidal Basin NOT the Reflecting Pool.

During a record-setting 5th autopsy of Jacko, at the insistence of Scatman Crothers, medical examiners found “the other glove”.  It was tucked up behind his pancreas.

R.I.P. Billy Mays ….. Billy was “an original” and did not take himself seriously.  I admired those qualituies about Billy Mays.

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