…. Yes, WE WON. This site has been selected by TabloidInternet.com as one of The Three Best John Edwards Zingers websites on Earth. ….. We thank all of you who voted by sending in samples from our Nifong Chronicles, Jimbo Tales and this Two Americas Gothic picture we did with John & Elizabeth (and Reille too) …. it’s OK, “Elizabeth was in remission”.
The sports book at Caesars shows Five as the likely number of upcoming BLSays columns that might contain numerous jocular groin kicks to “the former senator & the wacky valley girl”. …. We did 23 on Mikey & Lacrosse and four on Jimbo The Weasel …. Mikey seems safe but Jimbo will surely be passed. …. Many thanks to all of you who voted for us in the recent Internet poll ….
As a recognized Slam Edwards site we will be featured in a rotation with the other two sites at McDonalds’ throughout Beijing during the Olympics. A mouthy French site bragged it would beat us but BobLee had a fantastic final 50 meters and touched first. It was an incredible finish. Even Bela Karolyi was amazed.
We welcome all our international visitors to BobLeeSays.com. A quick primer ….. we like Chancellor Doogie, Editor John, Prez Erskie and Brunswick stew. Prince Tassel Loafer is UNC AD Dickie Baddour. All the rest you can sort out on your own. Bonjour, Ciao and Howdee-Do Ya’ll …. Grab a clean plate and help yourself to anything on the following Edwardian buffet. Be sure to “keep your fork” and save space for dessert now.
John …. WHY an air-head Valley Girl ??? This one has Conservs and Libs alike scratching their heads. John John John …. With the hair, the smile and the blue-shirt w/ the rolled-up sleeves you coulda had UNC sorority twits lined up on their knees from one end o’ Franklin Street to the other. It coulda been like the Pope giving communion on Easter to willing skanks with really low self esteem. ….. not to mention the Chapel Hill soccer mommies that woulda driven their Priuses thru a minefield to sip your bathwater …. And you chose an airhead punchboard that has been passed around more than Madonna on her prom night. ….
Rating the Political Bimbos ….. in the post Marilyn “Happy Birthday Mr President” Era, only Gennifer Flowers and Donna Rice qualify for “….. Dude, I admire your tastes, but not your judgement.”. All the rest are two-baggers, porkers and/or Double Coyotes. OK, I’m not qualified to rate Barney Frank’s stable of stud muffins. I hear Sven the Swedish valet looked like John Stamos in a speedo.
A Mea Culpa Mess for The Ages …. According to noted Democrat scandalologist, Paul Begala on John’s Nightline Nightmare …. “I got nervous when he started with “First, Bob, let me say that …..” NEVER use the phrase “stripped bare” in a “awww sh*t, you caught me” speech. ……… If you employ a timeline defense ploy make it vague enuff to at least fool a 3rd grader (or the average Obama disciple). …….. The Museum of Political Suicide has already ordered CDs of the epic transcript and “John in his blue shirt and khakis” from Madame Toussaed. …… Begala called Carville at the 5-minute mark. Mary answered and said James was unavailable as he was hammering a screwdriver thru his brain and screaming SHUT UP YOU MORON. ….. Meanwhile in Chappaqua, Der Slicksmeister rolled off the upstairs maid and burped “I’m still Da Man”
How Could A Lawyer not realize the importance of being truthful? John Edwards’ branch of the legal system was all about running around “the truth”. He tried his usual Eddie Haskell BS this time but the jury was not a dozen nosepicking dullards. Uh oh.
How To Handle WHAT ABOUT NEWT ??? ….. EVERY mutha-lovin’ one of you fanatical right-wingers has been attacked by rabid constipated Libs since Friday with the “WHAT ABOUT NEWT and Larry Craig and McCain …” gambit. Easy ….. (1) you hand the rabid Lib a tissue to wipe the slobber off his lips …. (2) you say “They all were disgusting and should be disemboweled on the Capitol steps at noon on Thursday. You bring all yours and I’ll bring all of ours.” …. (3) you remind the slobbering panicked Lib that he/she forgot Mark Foley. Pervert Foley’s timing of his man-boy pranks cost Repubs the ’06 elections. How can Libs forget Mark Foley? We don’t.
The “It’s Nobody’s Bizness” gambit ….. This is the favorite inanity posted by nitwits on media comment boards. One flathead on an N&O thread claimed “the real shame of this is those people who don’t respect these fine people’s privacy ….” It was learned that that vapid poster had just arrived from Neptune on Thursday afternoon with no understanding of American culture. A Pew Research poll of 326 dispirited Edwards disciples who were moaning the “leave’em alone” dirge also, upon hearing that “Russia Invaded Georgia” immediately called their cousin Mort in Marietta to see if he had seen any Soviet tanks yet. There is NO bottom to Human Stoopidity …. Just when you think you’ve heard it all, another stoopid tree falls in the deep woods and somebody hears it.
Where was “the posing shovel” ? …. I noticed this first thing on Nightline. Where was the long-handled posing shovel that Apple Cheeks had employed so skillfully in the 9th Ward? Considering how much manure the fallen prince shoveled to ABC, that shovel woulda come in handy.
Where is #00? …. It has been confirmed that #00 owned the safe house where Reille (it’s RILEY … like Life of ____ !) was hidden away at Governors Club. That does NOT indicate any conspiratorial involvement by the quite likable Mr Montross. Considering that “The Edwards Campaign” was notorious for not paying its bills, Eric is probably still waiting for his rental checks. Area media attempting to contact Eric for a statement have thus far been thwarted. No doubt Woody Derm will get “the interview” if not the soiled sheets.
Where is Gene Nichol? ….. you all remember this reptile? The former UNC Law Dean and Fired William & Mary Jackass. It was Gene The Dean that ran that Poverty Scam w/ John at UNC. After getting thrown out of W&M Gene slithered back to Chapel Hill where he hopes to someday become UNC’s Ward Churchill. Yo Geno, did Johnny ever call you during ….. well you know, when he and Reille were _____ ….. huh, did he?
Andrew “It’s Mine” Young ….. America’s most famous self-proclaimed Baby Daddy was, prior to Friday, most notorious for obnoxiously hounding UNC Athletic officials for special privileges for “the former senator”. According to Andrew, it was John and not Tyler that 20,000 fans were coming to see in The Legend’s Lair. Andy’s “other” three children are demanding their own paternity tests hoping Mom was diddling the cable guy and they do not have to claim this scumbag as a relative. Golly, suppose it turns out that Baby Daddy Andrew is really Gay ….. wouldn’t that be a hoot !!
Kudos to MoDo ….. Maureen Dowd did a darn fine Ann Coulter impression in her Sunday NYT column. In the Early Edwards years, she compared Johnny Boy to “Ken” of Barbie & ___ . Sunday, Maureen apologized ….. To Ken! You rock MoDo!
We have oodles more stuff but lets save some for the weeks to come. John’s Mea Culpa Mastubatory Mess left enuff time bombs to insure this will be unfolding clear thru the Denver Sermon In The Rockies by Cocoa Puff.
We owe an apology to N&O Editor John Drescher. We said in a recent column that John is a Democrat and a Liberal. In an e-conversation on Monday he assured BobLee that he is neither a Democrat nor a Liberal. I credit John as a more qualified source on himself than my other sources. We believe John Drescher and retract our misstatement. …. NOTE: We do OUR retractions on our Front Page.
John has far more credibility than his Alibis & Excuses Editor Ted Vaden. Ted proclaimed a few months ago that after 15 years he had no idea what Rob Christensen’s personal politics might be. Ted also once noted “Barry IS BLACK? I never knew that!”
Over at UNC, BCS Butch is celebrating the surprise arrival of a very special Blue Chipper ….. Dwight Jones. Dwight’s God-given talents are athletic rather than academic (!!) and normally I would raise a jaundiced eye to “what price a bowl game?” and “what price our institutional soul?” ….. HOWEVER …. I am going to apply The Kenny Browning Factor in this matter. …. THIS TIME.
Too many people I respect have unqualified respect for Ken Browning. Kenny recruited Dwight Jones and says he’s a decent kid and deserves a chance. I’ll grant that chance on Kenny’s call …… THIS TIME! ….. Are we seeing into the future of UNC Football?
For my recent birthday I received ….. a surprise home visit from Kid …. And “a Kindle”. Without goggling ….
What’s “a Kindle”?
If you have one, how do you like it?
Gary Hart’s Reille was Donna Rice and the boat was Monkey Bizness. Donna straightened out her life and now runs an organization opposing child pornography.
Orange County DA to go for Death Penalty for Eve Carson’s stone-cold killers. Dean & Friends place large order for votive candles. This will get WILD!
All kidding aside …. the Russia v Georgia dust-up could get REALLY NASTY and REALLY COMPLICATED fast. Do you wish Cocoa Puff was in charge ???????
Many readers ask about stealing BobLee’s zingers. Do you need written approval to amuse your buddies with’em? Nah. That used to bug me but not any more. So many folks read this site that if you do claim you thought it up, your buddy will likely call you on it …. “You must read BobLee too, I see.”