….. The College World Series is The Last Truly Great American Sports Event. It is so wonderful that Hugo Chavis, watching on cable, cried when Corky Palmer hugged his wife. Every coach and player is connected within six degrees to Orel Hershiser’s cable guy. Gold Dust’in Ackley has twelve tattoos short of a dozen. Missus has given Kid the OK to bring any/every CWS player home for the holidays. …. What were you doing on June 17, 1994? …. and BobLee gets hold of a secret grand jury transcript.
With the demise of The Soap Box Derby, The College World Series is THE last remaining sports event where spectators are not REQUIRED to scream F-bombs and ladies not required to “show us your ****“. If The CWS was any more old-fashioned wholesome, they would have to uproot Mt Rushmore and plant it in centerfield. All doubts were removed when Mike’s Moochies put those popcorn tubs on their heads for rally caps against Southern Miss. ….. The MLB Players Association immediately texted Bud Selig and warned “don’t even think about it, Bud”.
How good is UNC’s Gold Dust’in Ackley? The Lords of Baseball decreed yesterday that henceforth “any line drive up the middle” will simply be called “an Ackley”.
Every clear-eyed tattooless player on all eight teams has “a father” AND “a daddy” and IT’S THE SAME GUY! And every button-bustin’ proud one of’em is in Omaha and not a one needed a parole board approval to be there. And every Betty Crocker lookalike Mom’s there too …. And baby sister loaded down with good luck charms and even Uncle “Rudy” (yeah, THAT “Rudy”) is coming if his nephew gets to the finals. We UNCers hope that doesn’t happen of course.
There are more poignant sidebar stories in The CWS than there are pretty little gals in the grandstands. EVERY coach was in all seven other coaches’ weddings and Karl Ravech and Robin Ventura have told Levi Michaels’ story so often that Wrangler is demanding equal time. Between innings the entire LSU team left Rosenblatt, built three Houses for Habitat and were back in the dugout in time to have a lemonade.
How wholesome is The CWS? Warren Buffet tweeted Erin Andrews and asked her not to sit in any daddy’s lap without written permission from the momma. And even then, not to squirm at all.
I bet you think I made up all that mushy stuff you just read. Nope, I actually toned it down a few notches. If you’re not watching The CWS you (1) have no soul, or (2) you have let the cynics beat you down. RALLY …. And watch the rest of it even if you have no partisan fan interest. The CWS is A LOT more than eight bunches of players and fans.
When Dinah Shore sang “SEE the USA in your Chevrolet ….” She was thinking about Omaha in mid-June at The College World Series.
The CWS has been popular at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. The Messiah thinks everyone is saying “O(ba)maha! is Wonderful”.
Fifteen years ago today ….. June 17, 1994, Al Cowlings and a former USC teammate took a drive in a Bronco on an LA Freeway and the phrase “Damn right, the sumbitch did it” entered the national lexicon.
Kato Kaitlin joined Kip Keino, Kim Kardashian and Kris Kristofferson as sorta famous people with both initials as “K”. ….. Ron Goldman volunteered to take Mrs Brown’s glasses to “the condo”. ….. Everyone in SoCal who looked at all like Judge Lance Ito had to learn to say “No, I’m not him” or simply go along with the request and get his picture taken with the two visiting yahoos from Biloxi.
Betcha didn’t know that Kim Kardashian’s mamma (Mrs Bruce Jenner) was Nicole’s best friend. ANOTHER amazing BLSays factoid!
What were you doing when you first heard? Me and Missus had just gotten home from seeing that runaway bus movie with Keanu Reeves and an unknown actress from East Carolina named Sandra Bullock.
The much maligned, embattled, cussed, discussed and golden parachuted former NCSU Chancellor Jim “I forgot” Oblinger appeared before a federal grand jury on Wednesday. According to his lawyer, Press Millen, the embattled former Chancellor “answered all their questions”. Press failed to note that “not answering” was never an option. (NOTE: “Press” is a LOT better spokesman name than “Ace”)
The grand jury’s questions were not released to the media, but yours truly managed to get a copy of the transcript thru back channels.
Q: Embattled Former Chancellor Oblinger, can we call you Embattled Former Chancellor Oblinger? …. Or do you prefer Sergeant Schultz?
A: At this point I don’t really care. “I know nuuuuthink”.
Q: OK, Schultz it will be. Sgt Schultz, what were the three funniest nicknames you and your staff had for McQueen Campbell?
A: Howdy Doody obviously. William H. Macy was my wife’s choice. “Mikey’s little butt boy” was always Larry’s favorite. He wanted us to call him “The Red Baron” but none of us could without giggling. Tom Stafford was the only one who called him Mr Campbell; but what would you expect from that nutty squirrel.
Q: In his several years on your campus, did TA McLendon EVER set foot in a classroom building for any purpose not directly related to personal urination?
A: Yes. On November 12, 2003 he went into “that round building” to get out of the rain.
Q: Are you certain of that date?
A: Yes, I had a crackerjack memory until Dan Gerlach and McQueen started e-mailing me 10x / day.
Q: Excuse me Schultz. Would you repeat that last part?
A: No. I only have to answer each question once.
Q: Can you tell the grand jury exactly what “a Provost” does?
A: No sir. I cannot.
Q: Can anyone?
A: Not anyone I’ve ever met in 30+ years in this silly business. I asked Kindly Ol’ Bill Friday once and he gave me a really dirty look.
Q: Who booked your speakers before all this mess?
A: A student intern named Muriel.
Q: What did she receive as payment for doing the job?
A: Ben McCauley.
Q: In retrospect, what would you do differently today.
A: Hire Mary as Womens Basketball Coach at $230,000.
Q: Why did you guys concoct this stoopid scheme in the first place?
A: To redirect public outrage away from Lee Fowler.
Q: What can you tell us that Curliss and Carrington don’t already know?
A: For the past two years it’s been Mikey & Mary in those Mr & Ms Wuff suits.
Q: Yikes! Anything else?
A: They both do it “commando-style”.
Sgt Schultz, you are excused but please don’t leave Wake County unless it’s to flee to a Central American country without an extradition treaty or golden parachutes.
where Ron Goldman worked?