Taylor Lands A LooLoo

January16/ 2000

Today a short walk on the WILD SIDE.  Tuesday night area sports talker Taylor Zarzour was boppin’ along with the standard topical menu that sustains area sports junkies.  Tossing out predictable breadcrumbs for the rumor-starved ducklings that gather for such fare….. Tony Dungy’s retirement …. Jake Delhomme’s implosion …. What to do about Plaxico …. and, of course, will Roy Williams and “his Tar Heels” EVER win another game.

Imagine young Taylor sitting on the end of a pier with his line in the water aimlessly watching his cork bobble on the surface.  He’s hoping for a few bluegills, maybe a crappie or two ….. then BAMMM, Bruce The Shark from Jaws hits and Taylor, his producer and the whole freakin’ pier are being dragged out into the Mariannas Trench ….. recalling Roy Scheider’s classic line ….. “Gotta get a bigger boat”.

It helps here if you recall the notorious “Rita From Chester” that haunted John Bunting’s weekly radio show.  Rita, bless her heart, embodied all the “lack of refinement” that CaroLoons like to ascribe to Wuffs or Vols or Clem’s-son or “Neers or NASCAR fans.  Rita’s heart was true blue but her neck was bright red.  Taylor’s caller was the sister that Rita kept chained up in the basement.

The name she gave was quickly lost to history ….. “I want to make a comment then I’ll hang up and listen …..  I think Roy Williams should do like Coach K did when he had a ‘bad team’ and faked that back surgery.  Roy should have one of his dizzy spells and disappear for the rest of the year. ……. (click)”.

The dead air lasted only 3-4 seconds as Taylor is a pro but Taylor, his producer and ever how many listeners he draws, (and yours truly) were blinking, shaking our heads and just thinking “wow”.  One had to imagine the hardcore bottom-feeders in board monkey land all thinking “I wish I had said that!”

The legend of “Coach K’s back surgery” is as carved in local stone as Chris Washburn’s SAT score and King Rice punching the hole in the wall at CHPD.   The imaginary silliness ladled on top of the simple truth of the matter far surpass any reality.  I was dining with Chuck The Dookie recently at Mez and we had fun with the “Legend of K’s Back Surgery”.

Now a card-carrying LooLoo is declaring this UNC season LOST and that Roy should bail out.  She hung up before she could designate a “Pete Gaudet” to take the fall for ORW.  I have suggested to Taylor that he conduct a listener poll to “pick the Pete” from the Tar Heel staff.  Early exit polls have CV in a slight lead over Joe Holliday.

The State of North Carolina recently acknowledged a real crisis in its treatment of the mentally ill.  YA THINK?


Name the actress who played Nurse Ratchet?


Somewhat related under the general category of “so many scarecrows, so few brains” .…. I confess I did not watch every bowl game.  I caught bits and pieces of maybe 15 or so and larger bits of maybe 5-6.  But every single game I watched I managed to catch the obligatory “we wanted to show all the people who doubted us and did not believe in us that we are deserving of being a great team….”  EVERY freakin’ player and coach on every freakin’ team in America has declared themselves “disrespect victims” and “an underdog”.   Nitwits on message boards diss their team’s hated rival and player/coach somehow assume its  “real people that matter“. GOOD LORD …. welcome to the Mad Hatter’s Tea Party. 

This “we’ll show’em” syndrome is  not limited to college teams.  The NFLers have it too.  I will grant the title to the Arizona Cardinals and, maybe, the Utes but as for all the rest “we’ll show’ems” faux underdogs ….. GROW UP AND STOP WHINING.  

Speaking of watching games ….. if I am surfing the cable dial I will hesitate if I see a football game in season.  Even if its just UTEP playing UCONN I might watch a few plays in hopes of seeing some Boise miracle or a Stanford-Cal “beat the band” play …… but I never stop for any BB game college or pro unless its one of the 2-3 teams I remotely care about.   Put a Tiger-less PGA event in that same category along with “fishing shows” and CNN.  Is CNN still even on the air?

My current DVR settings are CSI-Miami, NCIS, Mentalist, Nip/Tuck, Burn Notice and Damages (thats a Missus choice, not mine) and Criminal Minds.

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