Talking Some College Football

January16/ 2000

… I suppose I’ve got to do some pre-season prognosticating.  I’m having a problem with it this year which I will elaborate on.   The Monsters Are Due On Maple Street any day now as socio-cultural Armageddon inches ever closer …. but over at The Wally the future is ahead of them.

I can’t imagine ANY news about college football having the impact of what I’m about to tell you.  If Tim Tebow was revealed to be a kiddie porn perv and Charlie Weiss ate the ND leprechaun it would not compare to ……

They finally fixed THE RESTROOMS AT THE WALLY!  Yes indeed buddies and babes those wacky folks over in West Derm have finally replaced the restrooms on the visitors side at The Wally.   Is there ANY doubt they are taking football seriously now at Duke University?  Duke Sports Promo Guy Mike Sobb gave me the news personally.

These were those infamous quonset huts with the 4-5” of “don’t ask” liquid covering the floor by the end of the first quarter.  This was the original plumbing put in for the Rose Bowl game back in 1943 or whenever.  Ol’ Wally Wade hisownself probably took a whizz at those urinals.  GONE!  Coach Cut has dragged Duke kickin’ and screamin’ into the mid 60s at least.

Next step for Duke is their concession lines – THE SLOWEST in the state by far.  Everybody uses local churches and charities but DAMN ….. At The Wally a coke and a hot dog will take you AT LEAST a half to get.

It’s the end of an era of ACC eccentric facilities.  Those old restrooms at The Wally and the tunnels at William Neal Reynolds Coliseum were classics.  Those tunnels at Reynolds leading into the main arena were soooo narrow.  How narrow were they BobLee?  They were soooo narrow that Tab Thacker got stuck one night.  They had to starve Tab for two weeks and slather him down with popcorn butter to finally squeeze him out.

So anyhoooo, I have to do an ACC pre-season thingy ….. and I’m at a low ebb of “give-a-damn”.  Oh, I still do love the color & pageantry of gameday for sure and I have my season ducats for Fall @ The Flagship but all the superfluous crap doesn’t excite me.  Oh well it does matter to some of you so here goes in no particular order …..

From my perusal of national media is The ACC still “big time” college football.  Has it been relegated to club level in these parts?  If so …. Here’s the OFFICIAL BobLee Reason Why …… 

Over the past 4-5 years, the most successful program in the ACC has been Virginia Tech.  Hokie fans are simply THE BEST Football fans in the ACC (and among the most fanatically loyal in America).  They fill Lane Stadium every Saturday dancing the hokie-pokie, rattling their keys and trusting Frank to take’em bowling.  Frank and his no-nonsense. no frills program delivers.  Only Clemson can compare to Blacksburg for GameDay energy. ……. BUT ….. their “greatest player ever” is THE most despised athlete in America ….. and the last national headline you read about VaTech involved the Krazy Korean Kid.

When the ACC puts it’s best foot forward in football, VaTech is the big toe on that foot ….. and not too many anybodies outside Little Johnny Swofford’s fiefdom gives a rat’s patoot.  It’s not VaTech’s “fault”.  Great school, great football, incredible fans (especially The Clubhouse Gang!)…… and America zzzzzzzzzz.


Who was the Head FB Coach at VaTech before Bill Dooley?


A lot of problems in America today don’t seem to have logical solutions.  This is another one.  OK, lets run thru the league ….

Duke:  New restrooms, a full year learning CuttBall and the boys in those faux Colt unis are poised to make it to Boise or wherever 6-6 teams go in December.  Dave Cutcliffe is the most personable, likable coach in The Triangle.  Will they make it to Boise?  It’ll be a stretch but maybe.

Florida State:  Did they ever settle that “take away Ws” thingy for Bobby?  Is Jimbo still itching to get the corner office?  Is Chris Wencke still the QB?  Where is Jan Sterber?  America doesn’t much care about The ‘Noles any more.

Miami:  Speaking of “America doesn’t much care any more” ….. the Marlins actually outdraw the ‘Canes these days.  They will win some, lose some, somebody will quit, somebody will get into a fight.  Just another forgettable year in Coral Gables.  Whatever happened to Gino Toretta?

Wake Forest:  Riley Skinner begins his 9th season as Deacon QB.  Riley was in Peahead Walker’s last recruiting class.  Jim Grobe “the Jimmy Stewart of college coaches” will win until he has to play his walk-ons due to injuries.  Deac fans are slowly getting spoiled.  Another 6-6 or 8-4 season depending again on injuries.

Virginia:  The Algroh Death Watch begins its 5th or 6th season.  Like Abraham, Al sacrificed his son to buy another chance to get waxed by Frank in late November.  The search continues to find ONE Wahoo fan that “likes” Al …. Or just doesn’t hate him a whole lot.  UVa plays UNC at Kenan this year, eliminating one sure W.

Georgia Tech:  Paul Johnson’s goofy offense will “never work in big time football” and might only win 7-8 games again.  Paul Johnson has made Rambling Wreck fans forget Chan Whatshisname already.  Now he just needs Wreck fans to know HIS name.  Whatever happened to Randy Rhino?

Maryland:  Except for BC, Maryland is the most unremarkable program in the ACC.  The really fat coach, the really bad fans, and way too many logos and school colors  black, white, red, gold – whats with all that?  If Maryland left the ACC it would be three years before any one noticed.

Boston College:  When the big news about a program is “Gary Tranquil is our new Offensive Coordinator” ya know it’s pretty quiet in Chestnut Hill.  Even Doug Flutie doesn’t much care these days.  They will win 5-6 games hopefully not against your team or mine.

Clemson:  The only head coach in the world named Debo.  Great fans, great gameday, and a history of under-achieving.  I think Debo will exceed expectations in ’09.  Signs demanding Fire Tommy and Bring Back Danny Ford still dot the roadsides and they always will.  Whatever happened to Buddy Gore?

NC State:  TO’B knows how to build a solid football program using recruiting projects and solid fundamentals.  He has a great QB (when he’s healthy) and more depth than he’s ever had at The Fairgrounds.  Wuffs will go nutso if the Pack beats SoCar or reverse nutso if they don’t.  Put TO’B down for a sure 6 and a possible 8 if Russell plays in those 8.  TO’B – 2 and Butch – 0 but who’s counting, right?

Carolina:  Year Three of Butch’s Team in Not Yet Blinged-Up Kenan.  Like TO’B he has lots of “his guys” now and last year’s 8 Ws is last year.  The only “challenge” in Butch’s OOC schedule is for Clint Gwaltney to find anyone to buy tickets for those games.  Butch Davis knows how to win with talented athletes.  He has a goodly number of them now.  He will win a lot; but can he beat Frank in Blacksburg?  Oh, and TO’B in The Carter in late November.  Better circle that one Butch.  Whatever happened to Chris Hanburger?

VaTech:  Again ….. loaded team, solid coaching, incredible fans, probably another Orange Bowl …… zzzzzzzzzz.

OK, Little Johnny probably ain’t gonna use me as the ACC PR guy this Fall.

All the usual yadda yadda about The BCS and it’ll come down to 2-3 donnybrooks in the SEC and Big 12.   I think Tim Tebow deserves every Eagle Scout, good boy, great player accolade he gets.  America needs more Tim Tebows.  …… I’ll see Colt and Mack (“he lied to dem boys”) vs Mizzou in October.  ……. Mayor Matt’s Sooners in Norman should be good for 10-11 for sure.  Red River Shootout will probably sell out – ya think? …… Charlie Weiss’ schedule is loaded with cupcakes.  The cheap jokes over that are too easy.   I want Charlie Weiss TO FAIL.  There I’ve said it.  I like ND, I don’t like Weiss.  But I do like Spurrier.  What can I say?


America is at a very scary juncture right now.  Regardless of whether you are a Right-Wing Extremist Mobster or a Left-Wing Nutjob Loonie …… you need to decide who you want to believe about what you want to believe.  Rent the movie Mad Max and see what happens when total chaos replaces any sense of order in a society.  America is at a very scary juncture right now.  (yes, I know I repeated that line.) …… The pissed-off Baby Boomers in Ballcaps vs Obama’s ACORN storm troopers in SWAT gear carrying billy clubs.  Bring it on ACORN!

Report out that Billy Mays was using cocaine …… phooey.

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