Rams, Ol’ Roy and Rick Neuheisel

January16/ 2000

 On Tuesday night I, along with 700+ others, attended the Rams Club “Tour stop” in Raleigh.  Providing me “hope” for UNC Athletics and also plenty of column fodder.  Dickie WAS present and not wearing visible body armor.  Likewise for John Bunting.  Roy too; but to no surprise. John and I discussed his upcoming Maine getaway … and an Internet junkie asked me if RICK NEUHEISEL was on Dickie’s “short list” to replace John … I do not make this stuff up folks!

   The quite large attendance was encouraging from a UNC fan enthusiasm standpoint; but a bit misleading.  The Rams Club eliminated smaller tour stops this year in favor of larger regional gatherings.  Charlotte, Triad, and Raleigh all drew over 600+ with Rams from 30 mile radius joining the locals. It is a controversial move but a very practical one.  I support John Montgomery on this one but appreciate the hurt feelings of the small town Rams.

   No doubt Chuck and Herb are drawing larger crowds than a Princess Di Funeral – Beatles Reunion Combo … or so some flap jawed Wuffie howler monkey will surely be proclaiming.  The proclamations of flap jawed Wuffie howler monkeys are quite extraordinary.

   How Dickie was incorporated into the evening was a stroke of genius.  He called the meeting to order with no need for a personal introduction.  Experiences at earlier gatherings revealed a tinge of audience impoliteness at his formal introduction.  This format prevented that opportunity.  Another Kudo to John Montgomery.

   “Woody” was emcee of course.  The venerable “Voice of …” ain’t drooling oatmeal just yet but the dear boy had a few senior moments.  Introducing Anson Dorrance as Willie Scroggs was a classic and resorting to a quite stale “parade joke” had BobLee coughing up a hairball.  Give it up Tar Heels … the “joke” is now that Tar Heels CAN’T give it up.  A “parade joke” PLUS a “Coach K back surgery” joke … does Amateur Night At The Comedy Club get any scarier than that? 

    The first half of the show was vintage “Carolina sure is Great” hoopla complete with the ubiquitous “video montage” of Tar Heels of bygone eras waxing nostalgically on their days in Chapel Hill.  Billy Cunningham’s comments on his academic experience (Yikes!) was pretty cool.  Oh well … let the school that doesn’t do the same yadda yadda hyperbole cast the first stone.  I haven’t cried at a movie since Ol’ Yeller died … I can still say that.

   Anson Dorrance spoke.  Damn, that man is impressive!   He is smart, articulate, and is a coaching genius.  I nominate him for every achievement award UNC gives out and make up a few more just for him.


Swagger’s Stumper

What sound effect follows “Frau Blucher”?


   John Bunting received a standing O at both ends of his talk.  John did a fine job.  Standing O’s notwithstanding John was well aware that the audience was riddled with non-Bunting fans from the Internet cesspools.  None of who revealed themselves as anonymity is their stock in trade. John was positive and spoken with conviction.  He is well aware of the reality of his circumstance and the tremendous challenge facing him this Fall.  John did not offer Excuse #1.  Woody did play set-up man with a “Torbush empty cupboard” inference.  John even allowed a short Q & A with no “gotchas” forthcoming.

    The fellow that asked me about Rick Neuheisel decided not to raise his hand. To be fair to the Neuheisel guy … he seemed like a fine fellow … just a victim of message board poisoning … Internet Message Boards = The Graveyard of The Human Intellect.  As moi was recognized around the room, I was asked “about Spurrier” by five different numbskulls.  I threw a brown ‘n serve roll at the 5th guy which pretty well ended that stoopid exercise. 

   Ol’ Roy was smooth … in Ol’ Roy fashion.  I can’t imagine any one understanding who he is and what he does any better than Roy Williams.  He made references to Lawrence and “when I was at Kansas” at least seven times.  I’m sure each mention was a screwdriver in the eye to some puckered butted “we ARE Carolina” folks.  I don’t think Ol’ Roy gave a flip … I thought it was a hoot.  Roy also gigged the wine & cheese crowd … saying “if you ain’t gonna get excited, then stay the hell home” … and that’s close to a direct quote.

    Ol’ Roy also says he ain’t wasting time on Top Ten prima donnas any more.  Unless the Blue Chipper has a burning desire to come to Carolina, to hell with him.  I think he means it.  Right on Roy!

    I spoke with John Bunting after the program.  He’s heading off to Maine for his annual “relax and recharge” vacation.  I have never wavered in my desire to see John be successful at UNC.  I’m proud to call him a friend.  He knows “the score” and he is chock full of “want to”.  Whatever the football gods have in store for John Bunting this Fall … he will give it all he’s got.  He chose a very unforgiving profession.  BobLee Swagger stands by his buddy John Bunting … maybe I would like Rick Neuheisel too … but I don’t think so … he cheats a lot.  

    It was a good show … the chicken and broccoli was forgettable … I saw good friends The Hukills and Tommy From The Ranger Game and Norwood hisownself and Montgomery and a bunch of other folks.  Sure, Swagger coulda done a better job than “The Voice of …”; but half the crowd of puckered butts woulda got pissed off and stormed out before I even got to my A material … bwahahahaha!



Bert was a chimneysweep.  Mentioning Mary Poppins and Joey Heatherton in the same column earned me the bizarre juxtaposition award from Yahoo for the week. Admit it guys … you thought Julie Andrews was a hottie too … not Joey Heaterton Skank hot but sorta Barbara Mandrell “hot”.

I spoke to “the inigmatic Dr Goodnight of SAS” today at the Nationwide Tour event in Raleigh.  OK, he operates in another galaxy somewhere; but I’ve always enjoyed the guy.

Heading to Memphis this weekend … Corky’s BBQ and maybe a trip to Graceland to check out The Jungle Room.

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