January16/ 2000

…. I definitely have THE Greatest Job on Earth …. that does not involve Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders & suntan lotion. …. In a slow week I have to stuff ten pounds of hoot into a five pound column. …. This week I am that Okeefeenokee Swamp Boy again.  …. Remember him? ….. more nutz than a PayDay bar comin’ at’cha.

Remember our little swamp boy?  He fell into that vat of mo-lasses and prayed to The Good Lord to “give him a mouth to fit the occasion”.  I operate in a cyber-print medium so I just need “enuff bandwidth to fit the occasion”. 


    Tony Snow died early Saturday AM.  I never knew Tony personally but have friends who did.  A “very good and decent man” …. dedicated family man …. great sense of humor …. never a second of “the big head” ….  I wish I had known Tony Snow. 


   I’m still getting great mileage from the Derm Church of Satan.  I told that wild and wooley yarn to the fellas on Thursday in our clandestine study of King Jimmy’s Word in the belly of the atheist beast over in Orange County.  That’s a prim and proper bunch but by the time I got to the part about “being excommunicated from The Church of Satan” they were snorting sweet tea outta their noses.  I have added that one to my BobLeeLive stage show.  Everybody enjoys a good “satanic ritual gets out of hand” story.

Over the past few weeks I’ve published assorted provocative commentaries on Eve Carson’s murder and various aspects of Senator Helms’ death …. and most recently on my positive observations about Duke Football.  Guess which one had two readers “unsubscribe” in indignant protest? ….. Yep, the Duke Football one.  Do you wonder how America got to the brink of self-induced annihilation.

ReaderRobert says he “doesn’t care if it cost billions”.  He wants Carolina Football back to the glory days of Mack “lied to dem boys” Brown.  Robert didn’t say how much of that “billions” he is contributing.  I may have a solution for Robert and the rest of you desperate “Big bowl before I die …” hard-core Tar Heels.

Butch says even with his $2,000,000 annual salary plus his $295,000 ransom bonus for winning four games …. He can’t be expected to “win BIG” until UNC forks up $150,000,000 to upgrade what we thought was “the prettiest football venue in the solar system”.   Apparently a national survey of blue-chip thug-aletes with 4th grade reading comprehension revealed a much lower appreciation of pine trees than long thought …. Who knew?

“We” want a football program capable of year in-year out 8+ Ws plus an ACC Championship plus a BCS bowl game.  In other words, my fellow UNCers desperately crave: 

….. what Wake Forest already has under Jim Grobe.  

   OK, here’s my plan …. Have the Fat Cats contribute “just $100,000,000” (plus whatever ReaderRobert chips in …. plus $1.56 and two bottle caps from the board monkeys).  Convert that to bearer bonds.  Put the $100,000,000 in negotiable bearer bonds in a duffel bag and drive over to Camel City.  Walk into “Super AD” Ron Wellman’s office and make him “an offer he won’t refuse”.  UNC will simply BUY Wake Forest’s FB program for $100,000,000 …. Lock, stock, and Grobe (maybe the Deacs will throw in Mr Deacon’s Harley?)   This way we won’t have to endure several seasons of yucky construction at BKS!

   NOTE:  I really do not dislike BCS Butch.  I admire his brazen style.  He’s running a scam but, heck, we all do in one way or the other.  He is playing on the irrational aspirations of desperate Tar Heel fans …. more power to him.


   The final stages of Lib heads-full-of-hate exploding over Jesse produced a significantly silly gesture by “a career state government worker” (“government worker” being an All-Time oxymoron – in this case, emphasis on the “moron”.).  L.F. Eason III publicly embarrassed L.F. Eason Sr and L.F. Eason Jr as well as future generations of Easons IV, V, VI.  

Any resemblance between L.F. Eason III and the doltish Cliff Claven of Cheers fame is not suprising. …. or “Dwight” on The Office.  Actually any doltish oaf will do.  25 years of beige anonymity as a guvmint drone ended when L.F. III poked a flagpole in his own eye.

Governor Easley (more on him later!) decreed that all state office flags would be flown at half-staff on Tuesday for Helms’ funeral.  L.F. Eason III hated Jesse with such a goggle-eyed passion that he shook his widdle fist and refused to do so at his state government hiddy-hole. ….. In the resultant pissin’ contest of  “do it L.F.” …. “nope, I ain’t agonna” …. “do it you numbnutz” …. “ain’t agonna” …. L.F. III voluntarily ended his “career” as “a government worker”.   The overall state worker productivity index registered a hiccup for a nano-second, then recovered.

Such insubordination, of course, made L.F. Eason III a bonafide hero to the great angry unwashed of Jesse-HaterNation.  The City of Carrboro immediately offered L.F. III a position of “city mascot” …. L.F.’s “jackass suit” will be delivered next Tuesday.


   Meanwhile in West Rawlee twixt Western Blvd and Hillsborough St, some (more) gubernatorial skullduggery was afoot.  Enter my good friend and crusading hero Don “Kolchak” Carrington – Foe of Evil-doers Extraordinaire!  You may recall “Kolchak” for his widely-circulated aerial photo of Massa Johnny’s Poverty Palace in Chapel Hill.  Don has a knack for sniffin’ out Democratic dirty-dealin rascals.

This time Kolchak had to circumvernt repeated bureaucratic stonewalls at NCSU.  He did.  A grateful state owes Don Carrington a hearty HUZZA.  Huzza!

SURPRISE …. Lord & Lady Easley, entering the death gurgle stage of THE most corrupt gubernatorial era in Tar Heel State history, are grabbing double handfuls of taxpayer dollars.  Fresh back from a totally absurd $160,000 trip to Italy on “us” for no logical reason, following Lady Mary’s equally unnecessary tour of Europe’s culture capitals …. on “us”.  Lady Mary decided to really rub our noses in it. ….

Mary engaged the cooperation of NCSU bureaucratic sycophant Larry Nielsen …. A “provost” at NC State.  Any similarity between Larry Nielsen and the guy who was prez of the AV Club in your high school is obvious.

Now we know what a “provost” does.  He greases the skids for a corrupt governor’s equally corrupt wife to get a sweetheart $170,000 “job” at NC State.   Mary was already stealing $90,000 /year from NCSU on a part-time scam.  Now add another $80,000.  Her job description was the equivalent of “a make-work project for an intern” for which Larry The Provost claims Mary is “uniquely well-qualified for”.  Good to know.

Since the whole scam was dirtier than the blood and guts dumpster at the NC State Vet school, NCSU suits had to do it on the QT.  That meant breaking very specific HR rules for the UNC System. …. Oh, have I mentioned that


Mary’s crooked hubby – GUV MIKE.

   Larry The Provost, Chanc Oblinger, and the Easley “bought and paid for” Trustees did not want Erskine and Hannah Gage to find out ….. enter KOLCHAK. …..  uh oh.  EB and Hannah found out over their morning cup o’ joe.  Not good for the scallywags in West Rawlee.

TO’B would love to have a QB that can scramble as well as Larry, Oblinger and Mike’s Trustees are scrambling now.   Lady Easley is infamous for applying her make-up with a trowel.  Now there egg on top of that.

“The Easleys” are nothing more than “The Clintons” with far far less “gravitas”.  Not “smart”, no “style” …. just greedy small time political slime.

My first thought was “just $170,000”.   Hell, if Mary had wanted a job at UNC-CH she mighta got as much as $295,000 ….. assuming she could beat Duke by a 3” missed field goal.

I could note that EVERYONE involved in this latest smash & grab (except Kolchak) are all Democrats …. but I probably don’t really have to …. do I?.  As Derm Democ Warlord Floyd McKissick Jr says “hopefully its just a coincidence ….!”  Gotta luv Floyd.

   HOPE & CHANGE !!!!  …. Yee Haaa!


   On the national political scene …… Mumbles McCain has a new slogan “I’m Not Obama” which pretty well sums up his total qualifications.  And is all he really needs in my book.  Ain’t that a cryin’ shame !!

Cocoa Puff thanked Rev JJ for his artful “endorsement” earlier this week and offered to host Rev JJ’s formal departure from the scene as a relevant race pimp.   With Jesse’s “retirement”, Rev Al inherits JJ’s stable of skanky ho’s and collection of Li’l Kim CDs.


 Speaking of Doltish NCSU muckety-mucks

Who was the Doltish Chancellor during the Jimmy V era?

(Not Larry Monteith …. the one before Larry)


  Aaaaah, this was a good’ un.  Oh, it was Chubb Sewell that coined that term about “UNC is the state zoo …” ….. “Call your next case!”

   Some of you asked which faction of the Hard-Core Lib Attack Force was the most toxic.  Not even close ….. the Militant Homosexuals.  Absolutely nothing is sacred to that bunch of cyber-assassins.   Any public Conservative will tell you when that coven of death threateners come acallin you better shoot to kill, not to wound.  A lot of the vilest Jesse-Hate was gushing out of that septic wing of The Left.  Race pimps, media weenies and enviro-nutz all have a smidgen of rational thought …. not the militant homosexuals. 

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