Morehead(aches) ….

January16/ 2000

….. Several small groups of students brought national attention to the storied campus just south of quaint Franklin Street in the month of April.  Fans and foes of the institution all agree that “they” were “typical” of what one might expect of Carolina students …… depending, of course, upon which small group of students one might be referring to.

 Early this month, fifteen UNC students wearing baggy shorts disrupted a funeral for the City of Detroit by screaming “We’re #1” and causing confetti to be dropped all over Ford Field.  Attendees who had come to hear Tom Izzo speak went home disappointed.    

Proud UNC alums along with the usual groundswell of bandwagoners whooped and hollered and declared the behavior of those 15 boys in baggy pants as “typical” of the best of the best who come to Chapel Hill to simply become even better ….. 

Tar Heel Pollyannas (of which God in his infinite wisdom produced a buncha) stopped paying attention to UNC News about 48 hours after ORW handed the recent cut nets to his official cut net assistant to have’em bronzed or gold-plated or whatever the heck they do to’em. …. ORW then went hunting junior high power forwards at Bulls Bay Golf Club and/or shooting guards on the back nine at the Marriot Kapalua.

After that “bright shining moment” the month of April got kinda sketchy in a hurry as regards “the University of The People”.   On two occasions later in April other “small groups of UNC students” put The U of NC back in the media spotlight by screaming profanities and behaving “like spoiled little self-absorbed brats” and causing pepper to be sprayed .

The behavior of those small groups of rude, crude and most uncivil snot-nosed brats was “HARUMPH, CERTAINLY NOT “typical” of the best of the best blah blah blah”.   Or was it?  Could it be that ALL the UNC students who participated in April’s assortment of “Look at us.  We’re UNC students” were indeed representative of a random slice of what you might find wandering thru McCorkle Place in the month of May?   It’s a pretty wide spectrum over there.

97% of UNC students come to Chapel Hill for the three “gets” ….. get drunk, get laid, get a degree in “something”.  They are not McDonald All-Americans or junior anarchists.  They are “just kids” full of dreams and false bravado.   The other 3% have assorted personal agendas involving the NBA, the NFL and Saving Spotted Owls.

I’m tired of discussing the mess with the two speakers.  The same rude, crude behavior has gone on for decades.  The Beat Dook Parade was kiboshed by the admins because it was “rude and crude” but trashing US Congressmen is winked at and, off the record, applauded.  The only difference is that this time UNC’s current Chancellor was the first of his ilk to actually suggest it might be improper.  Bully for him.  His predecessor woulda been concerned that all the obscenities on the signs be spelled correctly.

No matter what corporeal punishment is eventually meted out to the self-absorbed brats, they have been accorded hero/heroine status by their fellow brats and will likely have their own bronze statues in front of Carrboro’s ACLU clubhouse.

There is one sidebar worthy of your attention.  One of the self-absorbed brats of April is A MOREHEAD SCHOLAR – Miss Haley Koch.  Great Googly Moogly Uncle Mott !!!  Say it ain’t so BobLee.   T’is true.

But but but BobLee weren’t Little Johnny Swofford and Rusty Clark and and and …. All those other Eagle Scout paragons of virtue, scholarship and All-American Dudley-Do-Rightness ….. ain’t that what Morehead Scholars are made of ????  Not any more dear friends.

While most of you’ans were paying closer attention to who Butch was recruiting for deep snapper, the Morehead folks in cahoots with the very snarliest of the UNC faculty squirrels were quietly taking over the Morehead Scholar Program.  The Morehead Scholar Program got hijacked over the past few decade or so by academic versions of Somali pirates.

The “Old” Morehead Scholar Program that most of you think of was indeed full of “triple threat kids” …… character – scholarship – service.  It was chockablock fulla Valedictorians and star athletes and Eagle Scouts and the embodiments of every positive quality you could include in a George Gershwin overture..  Them was the good old days of The Morehead Foundation.

Even before Houston’s Cain Family “bought” the Morehead Foundation for $100,000,000 in 2007, it had already been corrupted into a breeding ground for pseudo-intellectual junior anarchists.  Morehead Scholar alumni used to have a voice and votes in selecting members of their hallowed order ….. no more.   The once-fabled Knights of UNC’s Round Table have morphed into The Manson Family, or at least The Addams Family.

The current Morehead-Cain scholars are as representative of the spectrum of UNC alumni as ….. well, as is the Board of Trustees and Board of Governors both of which lean farther left than Bill Ayers on a windy day.  Hark That Sound you all.

Little Miss Haley Koch screaming “F*** YOU” at a US Congressman is what has become of UNC’s once esteemed Morehead Scholar Program.  This delightful Morehead munchkin is NOT an aberration.  Eve Carson was the aberration.  Haley may be the first Morehead ever actually arrested but not the first one who wanted to be.

Here is Little Miss Haley’s bio …..  Haley Koch is an undergraduate Performance Studies major and Sexuality Studies minor.  She is also an organizer with United with the Northside Community Now (UNC-NOW), a group that performs to make and save history and to address issues of community development, gentrification, and civil rights; a facilitator of life performance workshops for area youth; a member of Interactive Theatre Carolina, a group that uses performance to promote social justice; and a singer with Voices of Joy, the St. Joseph C.M.E. gospel choir. She will be performing in “Trojan Barbie” and “Gender/Sex/Performance” this semester, also part of The Gender Project. This summer she will be conducting ethnographic research with queer people in Europe and the Balkans.

Take THAT Little Johnny Swofford and Dr. Franklin “Rusty” Clark.   Times they have achanged around the ol’ campi.  Indeed.

I cannot confirm a rumor that Haley might forego her senior year and go “pro” as a full-fledged urban/eco terrorist.  Greenpeace,  Bader Meinhof Gang and The Taliban have all requested film of her technique in destroying public property and withstanding multiple taser shots.

OK, if the Morehead loonies now recruit little potty-mouthed hairballs like Haley Koch …… where do the Old Morehead-type kids go these days?  That’s an easy one …… they take Parks Scholarships to NC State.  

Whoa, that’s not good, is it?  Depends on who you ask.  The folks at NC State seems to think it’s pretty good.



After all these years of this silly crap around UNC,
do you much care one way or the other about it?
Sure, I write about it because it’s easy to find the humor,
but, honestly, I don’t really care any more.

It’s like a family of mountain-folk with a history of gonorrhea.
After awhile it becomes “our special tradition”.


   Little Haley graduated from Sidwell Friends School in DC.  Sound familiar?  It should.  It’s long been the toney oh-so private school of choice for DC-area bleeding heart Limo Libs wishing to protect THEIR KIDS from yucky commoners in public schools. Gotta love it!
0 0 votes
Article Rating
Notify of
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x