…… When Gold Dust’in Ackley went yard I scared the cat half to death screaming HOMERUN! Mike Fox’s country hardball playin youngsters are Rosenblatt Bound AGAIN! Sooo very very COOOL! …… LOTS of interest in the local colleges lately. Alas, other than The Moochies it’s all pretty grim. John Q. Public is furious at the latest revealings in Mary Mess. BREAKING NEWS – Disgraced NCSU Chancellor Resigns. “John Q” is chewin nails and spittin’ tacks. …. and MUST SEE TV!
The purple kids from G-Vegas never had a chance. Once UNC’s flamethrowers got passed the first inning they were throwing bbs and it was “by how many” and not “if”. I do so hope EVERY Tar Heel fan has by now climbed aboard the Boshamer Bandwagon and realized Ol’ Roy and Anson ain’t the only humdinger coaches in Dickie’s stable of all star mentors.
Speakin’ of Prince Tassel Loafer …… lets update our total for 2008-09 ….. (1) Bowl game for Butch ….. (2) Anson’s bouncing ponytails get another NC ….. (3) Boy booters finish #2 in nation ….. (4) Roy did what we pay Roy to do ….. (5) Laxers back to national prominence ….. (6) Moochies have the best record in Boy Baseball over the past four years. Dickie’s “watch” is a diamond-studded Rolex. Any board monkeys still blaming Dickie for the wreck of The Edmund Fitzgerald should be rounded up and destroyed.
The Omaha 4-peat is statistically less likely than Ann Coulter becoming a Carolina Cheerleader. …. (OK, you can use that one. Crediting ol BobLee would be appreciated but not necessary.)
Gold Dust’in Ackley is a Tar Heel “One For The Ages” Legend on a level with Tyler and Mia. He’s Special! Garret Gore going yard on his last swing at The Bosh was a chill bump moment.
BREAKING NEWS – Sun 11:00 PM …… Anyone know where NCSU Chancellor James Oblinger can get a good sharp hari-kari sword? Oblinger’s confirmed lies are stacking up like cordwood on The Brickyard. Oblinger has been caught red-handed making secret deals with “Larry The Ex-Provost Guy”. Bruce Poulton just surrendered his title as NCSU’s most disgraced Chancellor. This is worse than “just one pair of tennis shoes”.
James Oblinger has Resigned in disgrace effective immediately Monday AM.
To my many fine NCSU friends and buddies ….. this Tar Heel takes no joy in this sad news. Rally with your fellow Wolfpackers and begin to repair your fine university. “The strength of the Wolf is in The Pack” …..
All the following was written and posted prior to the latest Oblinger news above …. just add about a gallon of institutional embarrassment to an already inglorious mess.
So much for the good news around local campi …… Mary Mess continues down The Highway To Hell and all sorts of creepy crawlies are popping up. Proud Mary has been in hiding for the past week, trying to remove the smug expression we last saw her wearing at the yucky press conference. The one where Old Southern Lawyer Guy read the attagirl letter from Mary’s Aunt Rosemary about how Mary had such fine penmanship.
Remember “Larry The Rich Ex-Provost Guy”? We reclassified NCSU’s most notorious geeky neebish as “rich” when his salary passed the Obamic Rich Line of $250,000. Now we’re learning that Ol’ Larry is AIG Rich. Before the forensic accountants are done snooping around, Freakin Larry may be in Bernie Madoff’s rarified realm of “dirty filthy rich”. For sure Ol’ Larr is now Lottery Pick Larry in terms of taxpayers dollars he stands to rake in over the next three years. LeBron James has asked for the name of Larry’s agent.
Who signed off on Larry’s Madoffian Deal? (Can you spell O-B-L-I-N …..). Nearest we can figure it was not the same guy who recommended to McGuire Woods that they sign Mikey as the firm’s high-priced pariah. McGuire Woods is offering a bounty on whoever that was. Dead or Alive. In the saddle or over it, don’t matter.
Around The City Of Oaks its open season on anyone “with tenure”. You’re better off claiming leprosy or clamitia than “tenure”. A scholarly fellow smoking a pipe at Bojangles on Western Blvd had a brick and an obscenity hurled at him. The assailant thought he was an NCSU professor. He was a former Amato coordinator trying to buy a Bo-biscuit.
The regional all out attack on academia is contained to Wake County so far. Holden Thorp can still walk down Franklin Street without a Kevlar polo shirt ….. for the time being. Chapel Hill is like “The Hamptons of the academically mega elite”. 97% of Chapel Hill is “tenured”. The other 3% are old, stoned hippies waiting for Jerry Garcia to rise gratefully from the dead and lead them back to Woodstock or Siler City ….. whichever. Really, even Mamma Dip and Elizabeth Edwards’ manicurist have “tenure”.
Can the Very Mad John Q. Public Vigilante Army bring down the impenetrable ivy-covered walls of academe? John Q’s Army will rage and rant for another week or so then go to “da beach” and “da mall” and completely forget about Rich Larry, Proud Mary and all the creepy crawlies. The academic elite, the greedy politicians and the rest of the public flim flamers know that is always what happens with these righteously indignant public tsunamis. ….. Or, maybe not! Looks like Oblinger has officially screwed “the pooch” or “the wolf” as the case may be.
We had a great time on WPTF last Thursday with Bill Lumaye. My zinger about Jim Black – IHOP & Public Toilets has been made into a bumper sticker. Also “the N&O has brought back Elizabeth Edwards more often than McDonald’s has brought back the McRib” was accorded “a keeper” rating. Look for more Bill & BobLee Shows as soon as we can bribe the FCC to let me say “sumbitch”. ….. maybe Larry’s agent could help?
Absolutely positively watch Royal Pains on Thursday night on USA Network. It has more subtle one-liners than Young Frankenstein Meets Raising Arizona. ….. “ever used a blender? You’re welcome.” ….. “my generosity is not negotiable” …. “citi-iots” …. “look in my wallet for that black card with American Express across the top.” Royal Pains is a MUST SEE. It will be on the final exam. Really, its funnier than a midget with hiccups.
What are the minimum qualifications for
A Black Amex Card?
(NOTE: Larry doesn’t come close to qualifying!)
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Former Tar Heel problem child Rashad McCants was in the society column recently. Rashad, a renown “swordsman” in his Chapel Hill days, was dating Khloe Kardashian. Khloe’s more well-known and bootylicious sister Kim caught Rashad steppin’ out on her little sister. Rashad and Reggie Bush won’t be double dating any time soon.
