G-Vegas is Rockin & Wally is Smilin

January16/ 2000

…. The first BLSays since transferring the nuclear stockpile over to Platinum Pals …. BobLee visits Rose Bowl East searching for column fodder and sees a darn fine football game  …. In G-Vegas, BCS Fever  has hit Pitt County like a Cat 5 Hurricane.  …. In the old coaches section of Heaven, Clarence Stasavich, Wally Wade and Peahead Walker are drooling their oatmeal and laffin’ their butts off ….

Did you hear that scientists just discovered that Flue-cured Tobacco cures male pattern baldness, breaks down cellulite and you can run an internal combustion engine for 500 miles on one cigarette?  Well, not quite, but even that news would not excite Eastern North Carolina like PIRATE-MANIA.   Shiver Me Timbers Matey …. They’re talking BCS or Bust over in Pitt County.

Skip’s Boys lit up Dowdy-Ficklin Saturday afternoon and College Football took notice.  A campus formerly known primarily for really purty coeds is now suddenly known for a really good football team.  

Purty Coeds AND Good Football …. 

Who needs a Dental School?  


   Skip has only shown he can beat “schools with Virginia in their name” so far but what the hey …. Its been VA Tech and West VA and he was suppose to just “give’em a good game”.  He plays Mr Jefferson’s kids later this season …. So it looks like at least 3 Ws for the Pirates this year.  Or maybe 9 – 10 -11 – or what the Heck They Win It All and Erskine moves his HQ to Greenville and the rest of the UNC System turns purple with envy.

Remember how constipated WuffLoons and CaroLoons got when Grobe’s Deacs went to a BCS Bowl two years ago.  Ratchet that constipation up 100-fold if somehow the lowly Pi-rats are playing in January.  

 It could easily happen ….. these two Ws over “big time football schools” plus two more over “ACC powers” (!!!) and they run the table thru Conf-USA.  ECU would have MUCH more impressive BCS cred than Hawaii or Boise or Utah ever had.  

If it happens while State and Carolina continue to “rebuild” in their big fancy schmanzy stadiums, Heel and Wuff loyalists will have kidney stones the size of a 747. Ohhhh, that’s gotta hurt.  And ECU still has all those purty little gals TOO. 

  The #1 career goal of an ECU coed is “be a Hooters Girl”.  So? That’s beats the hell outta “run a drive-thru abortion clinic and campaign for Hillary”.


   The “Colts” played the “Vikings” amid the concrete confines of venerable ol’ Wally Wade (aka Rose Bowl East).  BobLee and some 25,000+ frenzied fans were on hand.  It was “a good’un”.

One of Coach Cut’s former star students musta designed this year’s Duke unis.  Short of a horseshoe on the helmet, they look like The Colts.  The Northwestern Wildcats, minus Joe Kapp and Carl Eller looked like The Vikings.  The home team came up just a little short in a 24-20 tussle that easily coulda gone in favor of the home team. …. How long will it be before Dave puts in a “The Grove” and checkerboards the end zones?

Duke v Northwestern ??? NCAA History was made.  A white Wide Receiver was covered by a white Defensive Back.  Sure it looked like Wally Cleaver & Richie Cunningham comparing SAT scores while running thru a cornfield wearing concrete Nikes …. but it was an NCAA first for The New Millenium.

I spent part of the game with Prince Albert & The Henderson Hottie and part with Amigo Martinez.  In both cases there were times we could not talk because the “crowd” was so loud.   Whoa whoa whoa ….. are we in a time warp here. …..  It is September 2008 and here is what we know:

  1. In two months we will have either a black POTUS or a female VPOTUS
  2. The two dominant Football POWERS in North Carolina are ECU and Wake Forest.
  3. Duke Football is fun to watch and well on its way to “competitive”.

Any of those woulda won you some bar bets five years ago.

Sho nuff folks.  It was a fun time at The Gothic Rockpile in West NifongVille.  Of course “fun” for me means some bizarre observations of the human species (aka collecting column fodder) as well as an exciting football game.  But all you really want to know is a pee report, right?  I sat on the Home side and did not “have to go” so no pee report is forthcoming.

Kickoff was 7 PM so I was on-site by 5:15 sitting at the foot of Ol’ Wally’s bronze bust across from Eddie Cameron’s Indoor Stadium.   What does any hetero guy do with time to kill at a bustling public venue?  I did some “girl watching”.  OK, many of you just jumped ahead of me ….. “Dude, you’re at DOOK!”.  “Pretty Girl Watching” at Duke is like polar bear hunting in the Panama Canal.  Sure, you might find one but she/it’s likely lost.

Ten minutes into it I was already grading on the curve.  By the time the Henderson Hottie showed up at 6:15 I felt like a French Foreign Legionnaire who was beginning to think his camel was cute.

If my theory on what sort of females despise Sarah Palin is correct (and it IS correct!) then “the naughty librarian” is about as popular around Duke as Tyler Hansbrough.   Ugly wimmen hate pretty wimmen like Palestinians hate Israelis and the hatred has been going on even longer.  ….. by contrast – Sarah is much-loved down East Carolina way.

For the purpose of gender equity, the guys were no great shakes either.  Waaaay waaaay too many males wearing “mandals” (men’s sandals).   BobLee Fashion Tip:  Exposing one heretofore covered up unattractive physical feature does NOT lessen the negative impact of your other unattractive physical features.  It’s 2008 in America …. We have 1,000s of footwear options …. Avail yourself of choices that hide those extremities that only your podiatrist should see.

I grant “college students” broad leeway in appearance and behavior.  It’s a time in one’s life to be eccentric, obnoxious and, well, college students.  Academic institutions and mental institutions have a lot in common except mental institutions in North Carolina do not recruit as aggressively in Punjab province in India as Duke does.   The ratio of “Indians” to “boys from eastern NC” is about as one-sided at Duke as it was at The Little Big Horn.  ….. The Duke Student Section at Wally Wade looks like “Take your Kid to Work Day” at the U.N.  …… Imagine Disney’s “It’s A Small World” exhibit with a buncha multi-ethnic dweebs trying vainly to “be cool”.  …… “Dweebness” is a universal affliction.

If you were at the game I’m sure you saw “the long legged skank”.  If you didn’t it wasn’t her fault.  She was there to be seen like a Code Pink protestor at the RNC.  If Paris Hilton mated with Alice Cooper the result would be “the long legged skank.  Long stringy blond hair, raccoon make-up. a 5” black mini …. and 6” stilletos.  This STD Walking could not spell “abstinence” if you spotted her the “abstinenc_” and told her the last letter was a vowel.

(I am submitting both of the preceding paragraphs for the “Money Line” Awards this year.)

Recalling my last visit to The Wally, the efficiency of the concession stands is still well below “the cable company”.  If Diogenes wandered the Wally concourses looking for “just one” concession worker feigning “a sense of urgency” he would be disappointed.  The volunteer church stands are THE WORST.  I figure its an assumption that standing in a non-moving queue for 20 freakin’ minutes to get “a hot dog and a diet coke” is preferable to seeing the first half of Duke Football.  That mighta been true for the post-Spurrier Era but not now.

The Northwestern Vikings/Wildcats are not going to a BCS bowl this year but they are a legitimate Big Ten/Eleven team.  Jim Delaney knows who they are.  Duke is as good as they are.  Change 2-3 plays and Duke wins by 2 TDs.  One of those plays was “a Roofer” – Duke’s traditional special teams snafu …. “the really high snap to the punter”.  Duke’s deep snapper put one in orbit.  I figure he saw the long-legged skank outta the corner of his eye.

 Thaddeus Lewis has a big league arm.  He grazed his receivers fingertips on at least three “deep bombs” that were sure 6s.  “The Manning Boys” woulda dialed those in for TDs.  Thaddeus will too before long.  Coach Cut will work with him.

This was definitely one W that Duke let slip away.  The next two weeks offer two more legitimate opportunities for Duke to be 3-1 for September.  Duke isn’t deep enough to sustain any injuries so they need to grab Ws early.

Duke FB fans used to consider “moral victories” to be down by less than 20 at the half.  Those days are over.  I walked by Ol’ Wally’s bust on the way out.  Wally had a sly grin on his face.  Either he saw the game ….. or the long-legged skank …. Or both!   I did.  Being “BobLee” I didn’t have to pay for my ticket (duh!) …. but I would have and been glad to do so.

Is there any combination of geographical directions for which either states Michigan or Florida do not have an academic institution bearing that name?

Is Bill Stewart at West Virginia “another Carl Torbush” situation ???  Many Many similarities.  You heard it here first.


  Who was ECU’s coach & QB in “that Peach Bowl Win”?


   As noted here …. It was a rough August along picturesque Franklin Street what with Apple Cheeks’ little unpleasantness and then Coach K going Gold …….. Imagine a possible November with Repubs winning and ECU making a BCS !!!!

    Remember folks …. If you want Double-barreled BobLee on matters of political combustibility you need to become a Platinum Pal.  Just e-mail us and say “sign me up!”  It’s free but requires the ability to blink and say “did BobLee really write what I just read?”  Ye Ol’ Internet Legend is poppin’ caps on Libs like shooting carp in a bucket.  It is NOT for the “wishy” or the “washy”.

   Moving the high octane stuff to P-Pals was “a brilliant move” (aka “a Sarah Palin”).  I am comfortable letting the hammer down over there.  We can now use BLSays to trade muffin recipes and discuss whether Fred McMurray should be required to take a DNA test to determine if My Three Sons really were “my three sons”.  Chip always looked like Gordon Jump to me.  

   After  two High Octane Plat-Pals, only two guys have opt-outted (smashing their keyboards in the process).  Another dozen are in a catatonic stupor.  No threats of bodily harm to yours truly YET …. but we have 55 days to go.  Campaign ’08 – now known as “Sarah & The Three Senators”.

   Tell-A-Friend is still on the fritz …. just continue to copy & drag.  Big Tech changes coming soon!

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