Father & Son … and ARod Goes Yard!

January16/ 2000

  If you are a long time Swaggerophile, this one is going to sound perfectly logical to you. BobLee and The Bronx Bombers came to DFW on the same weekend … and so did a mighty fine Father and Son.  We all got together at Ameriquest BallPark In Arlington and everyone performed most admirably.  There is a lot of goodness in this world and BobLee keeps stepping in heaping piles of it.

   In Thursday’s column I mentioned I had a last minute business deal in Dallas-Fort Worth this weekend and was considering catching a Rangers game?  So Thursday afternoon I get an e-mail from Reader Tommy inviting me to meet him and his son at the game. I figured a DFW resident naturally … It gets better.

   Now, with a legitimate reason to go to the game I decide I definitely would.  I go to the Ranger website … it’s “only” A-Rod’s Return To Arlington. Knowing it will be a sell-out for sure I buy a ticket on-line.  It gets better.

   I start the latest Clive Cussler “Dirk Pitt adventure” on the flight down.  The business – a celebrity golf outing at Mira Vista Country Club in connection with the Colonial is all set-up for Saturday … I double check all arrangements and get to The Ballpark plenty early … and don’t even get lost.  It gets better.

   I go to Tommy’s seats and there they are … Father & Son.  Father is a ’74 UNC grad and long time Ram’s Clubber.  Son is a just graduate of NC State.  You know how I do love these mixed families /friendships.  Disproving the “got to hate’em” illogic from the respective Jackass Brigades.  Turns out they are not from Texas at all … but from Henderson NC.  Every year Father and Son go on a “Big League” baseball trip together (Norman Rockwell grab your brush!).  A Tar Heel Dad and his Wolfpack Son going on a baseball weekend together … can it POSSIBLY get better than that … Indeed It Can!

   GREAT FOLKS … cannot imagine a better commercial for Father’s Day.  BIG TIME baseball fans … son has brought his glove just in case a foul ball comes in our 3rd base direction.  Dad wearing his Tar Heel ballcap along with yours truly and various other DFW crips & bloods gang members.

   Remember it’s A-Rod’s Return To Texas … first time up … Ballpark going nuts … A-Rod GOES YARD!  (that means HOME RUN for you folks in Carrboro).  Last year I see Barry Bonds at Shea and Barry hits 2 dingers … now I see A-Rod “go yard” on his first at bat in pinstripes in Texas.  Forrest Gump Swagger brings out the magic!

   Rangers win 9-7 but Yankees have winning run at plate in 9th.  Six dingers in the game and 30 total hits.  In 7th, Texas middle reliever fans Jeter, A-Rod, AND Giambi. Did I mention it was a perfect Spring night for baseball.  My 2nd visit to The Ballpark … a VERY fan friendly venue!

   A wonderful time with the Fraziers from Henderson.  BallPark sold out but the folks with the seat next to Tommy never show so I spend the whole game with them.  We swap trivia all night and it turns out Tommy grew up down the block from “The Cochranes” (see Junction Boys).

   Every time I return to “The Metroplex” I recall the good times I enjoyed there in the early 80s … and how glad The Swaggers are that we are not trying to raise our family in that spread-out mass of asphalt, concrete and reflective glass.  Rolly is just fine, thank you.

   I am also reminded that, as a whole, Texans are the best humored folks I’ve ever been around.  There aren’t many “Texas natives” any more … but folks in The Lone Star State seem to handle life’s ups and downs in a much less constipated fashion that folks in other places. Heck … even the hardcore left-wing crowd down here (Molly Ivins, Jim Hightower, and former Governorette “Ma” Richards) manage to be tolerably amusing … “amusing left wingers” are not that common a species … Tom Daschle and Nancy Pelosi ain’t exactly Desi and Lucy.


Swagger’s Stumper

A former Cowboy pass catcher married a sexy starlet / mattress model?  

Name the celebrity couple.


   We have so many new readers … let me reshare a story from the Archives about a Texas “character” from my days in Big D 25 years ago.

    The king of the gonzo Texas flimflammers of the early 80s was DANNY FAULKNER.    Danny had like a 3rd grade education (and most of that was social promotions).  He was a painter.  I don’t mean a Leroy Neiman or some tortured soul in a loft on the bank of the Seine … I’m talking rollers, dropcloths, and stepladders … Danny was a PAINTER.  Somehow Danny gets an option on a big buncha land on a lake east of Dallas out past Mesquite and Garland

    He starts throwing up cheesy condos by the hundreds.  He names every pod something “Faulkner”.  Faulkner Pointe, Faulkner Landing, Faulkner Bay, Faulkner Cove, Faulkner Whatever.  He runs out of nouns for places.  He ran the whole deal putting up less money than the Porsche guy demanded upfront for a test drive on a 911.  Then he concocts a scam whereby he resells his mortgages 4-5 times.  I don’t pretend to understand what he was doing and neither did Danny … all he knew was he was raking in $$$ and nobody seemed to mind.

    Danny’s daughter wanted to get married.  Danny rents the biggest ol’ church in toney Park Cities.  It was some giant mega-Church that was tied to Billy Graham somehow.  He hires the Mormon Tabernacle Choir to sing.  He rents a fleet of 75 limos to transport VIPs from the church to the reception at, of course, Southfork.  Everyone in the wedding party received, of course, a commemorative Rolex.  The Univ Texas Marching Band played the theme from Rocky when the bride walked down the aisle.  Traffic was stopped on the Dallas Turnpike for the police to lead Danny’s motorcade from the church.  Danny was in his glory.

    It was 4-6 weeks later that the first FTC and IRS and Banking inspectors showed up at the gates of Faulkner World.  I’m not sure if Danny ever served “hard time” or not.  I think the Dallas-Fort Worth Metroplex declared him a n Official Community Character and thereby protected like one of those foreign diplomats that double parks in New York.

    I have no idea where Danny is these days but I betcha he’s wearing a Rolex and a pair of custom made boots from some very exotic and very much endangered animal or reptile.


To all you Dads and Sons out there … “going to a ballgame together” is about as good as it gets especially if ARod “goes yard” for you.  The Mizzus and Kid are getting Mother – Daughter “makeovers” today at Nordstroms … wonder if Elizabeth Arden will “go yard”?  Girls … YUCK!

John Thomas & Valerie Brumel were High Jumpers … first two to go over 7’0″.

BIG WEBSITE NEWS … Since the name change and redesign we have leapfrogged past 1,156,879 other websites to be #576,327 in the website solar system.  Look out Matt Drudge and Anna Kournakova … here comes BobLee Swagger!

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