B-U-T-C-H Spells ?????

January16/ 2000

….. It would have been easy to write a column immediately after “The First Thursday Night Game in Chapel Hill”.   String together some snarky one-liners about our favorite mercenary and the gridiron giant with terminal narcolepsy and be done with it.  Something said “give it a few days”.  See if Earth tilts on its axis from the horror of it all.  No tilt noted.

I’m in fly-over country today …. Missouri to be specific.  Saturday night I set a personal sports record of extreme ignominy.  We left a game (for which I had purchased two $65 tickets) after the first 4:00 minutes.   That’s about $30/minute.   Elliott Spitzer’s hookers are cheaper than that!

We had Bob Uecker seats for Mizzou’s Homecoming game versus Mack (he lied to dem boys!) Brown, Colt and company.  Scheduling #3 Texas for one’s homecoming is akin to calling a phone # off a toilet stall wall for a date.  Yeah, it MIGHT be an exciting evening but a total disaster is the way to bet.

We had a fine time tailgating with Big Jim Sterling and his 17,000 closest friends.  Missus and I decided simultaneously that the couch at Kid’s house beat the heck out of our Uecker seats so we bolted 240 seconds in.  By the time we were in front of Kid’s TV, Brent & Herbie were already discussing famous Columbia Missouri pizza places.  Ergo the game was a Longhorn stampede.

Talking about local pizza parlours during a game is the equivalent of Erin Andrews asking Lawrence Taylor and Julius Peppers if either one had ever set foot in the UNC Library, or ANY library.  Both of my collegiate football teams of choice had character-building weekends..

Mizzou and UNC are both 4-3 but only 2 of each’s four Ws were against “big boy teams”.    Resulting in their overly caffeinated fans seriously questioning the meaning of Life.  Mizzou is in a post-Chase Daniel reload this year.  Carolina, on the other hand, is in Year Three of “You Can’t Expect Me To Win Until You Build Me Those Suites” with Butch. (Unsubstantiated Rumor:  If The Hokies whup the bejebbers outta the Heels Thursday night, Butch plans to petition the NCAA to count last Spring’s Blue-White Game as a Win.)

NOTE:  The snarky stuff about Butch begins now ……

Mizzou extended Gary Pinkel’s contract to “Butch Bucks” after three successful seasons riding QB Daniel and WR Jeremy Macklin.  Butch’s contract, as we all recall, was increased and extended after those “four, count’em FOUR” Ws back in 2007.

The Big 12 is really Big Two Plus Ten Others.  Mizzou fans realize that winning the “Plus Ten Others” is their only real hope each season.   Carolina fans just keep telling each other that “Butch is a great recruiter” because ______, well because Butch says he is.   …… like Paris Hilton saying she’s a great actress.

Bobby Bowden said their first half Thursday night was the worst half in his 55 year coaching career.  Bobby has totally forgotten his visit to “beautiful Kenan Stadium” in 2001.  Tar Heel fans have not forgotten.  Unexpected Ws over Florida-based football powers in beautiful Kenan Stadium tend to be remembered around Chapel Hill.   An unexpected W did NOT occur Thursday night last in beautiful Kenan Stadium.

What the heck happened in the Carolina lockerroom at halftime?  Did Butchie use a John McCain campaign speech to psych up “the boys in all navy”?

While the on-field result Thursday night was heartbreak on the half-shell, it should be noted that UNC’s Popular Young Chancellor won a certificate of distinction from the National Chancellors Society for leading the logistical team that pulled off “The First Thursday Night Game Ever in Chapel Hill” without total gridlock paralyzing a 100 mile radius of The Old Well.   I left “beautiful Kenan Stadium” at 00:00 and was home in 42 minutes.  That is standard Saturday time.   Lets do it again in seven years ….. but lose those all navy unis in the meantime!

What about the monochromatic navy unis?   Last year I could not read the #s on the navy jerseys.  I still can’t.  One of the many aspects of itself that Carolina is proud of is its distinctive “Carolina Blue”.   To be showcased on national TV and NOT be in “Carolina Blue” seems a bit silly to me; but, hey, I’m not being paid $2,295,000 to beat Georgia Southern and The Citadel so what do I know?

 BobLee, why are you so down on Butch?

A fair question and one I’m glad to address.  The decision to “go buy a BIG NAME COACH” was understandable.  I did not disagree with that strategy nor did I endorse it.  It’s not my money.  Many others “care” more about such things than I do.  Yes, there WERE options between “a John Bunting with no prior head coaching experience” and a notorious mercenary willing to take UNC’s money.  YES ….. one  option was indeed North Carolina native Paul Johnson then at Navy but, of course, his silly option offense “will never work at the major college level”.  So sayeth the lunatic fringe!

Butch “lost me” with two decisions.  Neither of which relates to play calling or who plays QB.  

 #1 …. In his 2.5 years at UNC Butch has made ZERO effort to “become a Tar Heel”.  I still maintain he does not know (or much care) if Tar Heel is one word or two.   When he recruits he touts his Cowboy rings and his Miami recruits in the NFL.  He brags about Clinton Portis and Edgerin James instead of Kelvin Bryant and Don McCauley.  I appreciate he is trying to impress 18 y/o prima donnas who have never read Look Homeward Angel blah blah but his “come play for ME and my buddy John Blake” rather than “come to Carolina” turns me off.   (It ain’t the way Roy does it.)

#2 ….. That $300,000 ransom after those FOUR Ws two years ago took arrogance and greed to a new level.   Butch and his boy Jimma Sexton said “Soooeeee Pig” and Dickie threw $295,000 at him.  I can think of several dozen “Carolina blue-bleeders” that toil in the trenches in the UNC Athletic Dept that deserve such largesse MUCH more than “I’m Butch Davis.  I bombed as an NFL Head Coach but I sure could recruit ….. at Miami.  Wanna see my Super Bowl rings?”

That $295,000 cash grab meant the standard “we’re young …..” and “injuries blah blah….” excuses don’t fly.   Give back the bucks Butchie and we’ll give you back the well-worn excuse cards to play.

I don’t pretend to be an X & O guy.   My OC trying to outsmart the opponents DC and vice versa is a chess match I’d ideally like to win 70% of the time especially against “schools like us”.  A reminder …… Butch is 1-7 against “schools like us”.   Butch might be a lot of things.  A quick turn-around artist ain’t one of them.

As of October 26, 2009…… Butch Davis better be damn glad that Tom O’B is trapped in Nightmare ’09.  The ruddy-faced Marine has seemingly forgotten which end of a whistle you blow into.   Butchie better hope TO’B doesn’t wake up from his nightmare before December 1.   If Butchie goes 0-3 v TO’B he’ll probably demand another mega-$$$ ransom.

Meanwhile Ol’ Wally Wade is grinnin’ from ear to ear over at The Gothic Rockpile.   Give me my choice of the area’s major college coaches and I take Coach Cut.  He’s quite sincere.  He has a self-effacing sense of humor ….. yadda yadda.  He is an “offensive genius” and he does NOT remind you every 5 minutes that “I coached the Manning Boys” although everybody knows he did.  Butchie would have replaced UNC’s Choo Choo statue with 20’ highs of Payton & Eli outside of the Kenan Football Center.

A quick comment about Butchie’s “I HAVE TO HAVE __X___, and ___Y___, and ___Z___ plus a multi-million $$$$ Academic Support Center BEFORE I can beat UVa or NCState ……”.   Yo Butchie …… why not simply recruit kids capable of doing C level college work (DUH!) while majoring in “staying eligible”?

The title of today’s opus is an oblique reference to Professor Harold Hill and that wagon load of trombones he sold to the gullible citizens of River City.

Yes, it is mathematically possible that Butch Davis never loses another game as UNC‘s Head Football Coach.   Right now I’ll settle for one-point Ws over Duke and State and in return I’ll promise Father, Son and Holy Ghost I’ll never peek lustily at a nubile cheerleader ever again.


    Oh a #3 ….. Butch thumbed his nose at the UNC Football Lettermen and “misappropriated” considerable $$$$ from some BobLee Buddies in doing so.  That’s all part of his “it’s all about BUTCH” mindset.

Why did we even stay 4 minutes at the Mizzou v Texas Game?  You’ve obviously never seen Mizzou’s Golden Girls’ Grand Entrance.  As a nationally recognized authority on collegiate dance teams it was my professional obligation to watch The 2009 GGs entrance …… hubba hubba!  Their “glitter” even reached the Uecker Seats.

Speaking of Ol’ Roy ….. Ol’ Roy and Anson are SPECIAL.  Mike Fox is gettin’ really close to SPECIAL.  Butch is a very expensive bag of horsefeathers.

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Notify of
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x