…. You do recall our Okeefeenokee swamp boy and his asking for strength in the moment. …. I’m that swamp boy today ….. Did NBC actually interrupt The Olympics to ask Brett Favre about Apple Cheeks’ Sordid Affair? …. You all know today’s BIG STORY by now. …. You’ve come here for dessert. …. Hang loose, I might throw you a curve on this one!
13,000,000,000 Chinese spent ten years getting ready for today and now are looking at each other and saying “Who is John Edwards?” You got to give the boy credit for a sense of timing!
We’ll get into the scumy slimy stuff in a minute but first …. Within an hour of sending out the Platinum Pals BREAKING NEWS at 3:15 I had received over 100 “you da man BobLees” from the PPals. I appreciate the compliments but I’m just a simple fella with a modem and an opinion.!
Yes, I admit I had this one dead solid perfect from the get-go. I’ve been to a few rodeos in my day and been bit more than a few times by sly dogs with sharp teeth. You get bit enuff times you develop a pretty keen “smarmy scumbag” radar. I met a dozen John Edwards-types long before I met “John Edwards”. …. And most of the other ones were LOTS more lethal and clever than this foppish clown.
This “John Edwards” only had to fool Democrats, a fawning media and twelve lazy-eyed yahoos who couldn’t get out of jury duty! That is hardly hitting big league pitching. I mean …. really!
At 2:58 PM on Friday, August 8, the media universe changed forever. The New Media went yard …. hitting a Walk-Off GRAND SLAM. R.I.P. network “news” and newspapers.
The Tabloids led by the National Enquirer have been around for many decades. Elvis sightings ….. alien abductions ….. three-headed turtles ….. a veritable Ripley’s Believe It or Not at the check-out counter at Kroger’s. They are what they are. The #1 Rule of Tabloids = their credibility is in direct proportion to whether or not a reader is pre-disposed to like or dislike the cover scandal subject. Reports of celebrity indiscretions are standard fare for the “hide behind the potted palm” crowd. ….
Why is this one different, BobLee?
It is NOT because John Edwards is any BFD. He never has been anything but a political pimple. Had he been “from” anywhere but my backyard I would not have much cared. A smarmy fop who crafted a sellable con to a gullible market. All he lacked was a horse-drawn wagon and a bottle of snake-oil. He was Clinton-Lite on his best day. Johnny Boy was NEVER the story with this.
It is NOT because another Democrat politician was revealed as a hypocritical hedonistic narcissicist? Puhleeze …. Hypocrisy and hedonism are not the private clay-feet foibles of Democrats or of politicians. I’ve known plenty of doctors, lawyers, candlestickmakers and moguls who woulda jumped Reille’s willing bones, patted her skinny butt, handed her a coupla Benjamins and told her to “run along now”. Walk into any upscale hotel bar in America right now and for every ten “suits” there are five “Reilles” on the prowl. Most of those “suits” will have wives “in remission” from cancer or from terminal naïveté. And, let’s be fair, while hubby is nailing “his Reille du jour”, soccer mommy might be dancing the horizontal mambo with the pool boy or assistant pro at “the club”. “Everybody” DOES NOT “do it” but aplenty do …. sigh, sob, sniff.
I’ll get back to disemboweling Johnny Boy in a minute …. But first …. The REAL story today.
Tabloids have been around for years and years ….. but the BLOGOSPHEREis just coming of age and boy oh boy did it have a heckuva bar mitzvah today! When the NE broke the original story a year ago, Edwards employed the time-honored deny-discredit-deny defense. It worked (for a while). Courageous Elizabeth was doing her thing and smarmy Johnny was biting his lip and surrounding himself with chemo mom, cherubic children and fawning media. Local lackey Rob Christensen hauled Johnny’s water for all he was worth as dreams of White House Press Secretary danced in his little pointy head.
Meanwhile us “eeevillll sanctimonious evangelical conservative nazi homophobe fascist” Republicans were in a bend but don’t break defense …. knowing as sure as God (or Oprah) made little green apples that one or more sleazy scandals would go KABOOM with the Dem/Libs because …. well because THEY ALWAYS DO. The sun rises in the East, the Cubs fold in September and Democrats get caught being Democrats. This ain’t really solving Rubik’s cube wearing mittens folks.
So the mainstream old media circled its wagons around Johnny two weeks ago with its predictable public statement that “tabloids are only a credible news source if they break scandalous stories about Republicans”. No surprise in that. The old media is more predictable than the swallows coming back to New Castle…. (huh?)
So the little Rob Christensens of the old media crawled under their work stations, assumed the fetal position, sucked their thumbs and prayed to a God they claim NOT to believe in that “John wouldn’t do it …. Would he?” ….. uh oh.
….. MEANWHILE BobLee and Thomas Lifson and Jerry Agar and Jon Sanders and Kolchak Carrington and Bill Lumay and Sean Hannity and Mark Levin and Maha @ EIB and all our breathren across the fruited plain …. We went to the mattresses, ordered a bunch of cardboard pizzas and Red Bull and wore out our keyboards and microphones ….. Lo and behold when the smoke cleared Smarmy Johnny was cryin’ and beggin’ for forgiveness ….. his flummoxed disciples were screamin’ WHAT ABOUT NEWT and Larry Craig ….?” …. and the old media stared teary-eyed into the Stygian blackness of an even more dismal and irrelevant future than they faced yesterday ….. oh yes, somewhere in Hawaii Cocoa Puff’s press secretary issued yet another audacious statement ….. “this is not the John Edwards I’ve known for a year or so …”
Will John’s lemming cradle him in their lovin’ arms? Absolutely. By 5 PM on Friday all five heterosexual couples in Carrboro had already renamed their first-borns “Reille”. (hint: that one be a “money line!”). …… Hardcore rabid Libs, who think God’s last name is “Damn It”, will be quoting The King Jimmy about sinning and forgiveness! Absolutely predictable. …… Does this derail The Mocha Messiah? Nope. ….. What “they” forgave and forgot with Slick Willie was a Mount St Helen KABOOM. Today was just smarmy John Edwards falling down an open manhole. John Who?
The sun will rise on Saturday, August 9, 2008 on the Dawn of A New Era. There is a new sheriff in MediaTown. Now before you pop champagne corks and throw confetti ….. I said there has been a change …. I didn’t say it was better or worse because I’m not really sure what this all means yet. For every reasonably sane (??) BobLee, there are ten goggle-eyed board monkeys who truly believe Mickie Krzyzewski runs a whorehouse out of Hope Valley Country Club.
As long as Best Buy sells PCs to nitwits, the Internet is a toxic minefield. Tread VERY carefully.
I will have The Audacity To Hope that the wild lawless frontier of the Internet and it’s companions in the new media will somehow ebb and flow and sanity and common sense will prevail …………. Bwahahahaha ….. yeah, right!
Who’d a thunk that a smarmy political pimple like John Edwards would be the one tomato can to topple the whole old media end-aisle display. Who indeed. ….. “OK, Reille you run along now, ya hear.”
What was the name of Gary Hart’s Reille? …..
and, for extra credit, name Gary’s boat?.
Walt Kelly drew Pogo Possum.
Yes, I watched “the Nightline interview”. It was A FREAKIN’ HOOT. Even the twelve lazy-eyed yahoos in the jurybox started laughing at about the 3 minute mark. Our cat gacked up a hairball when Johnny denied knowing about the pay-offs. To quote Paul “The Forehead” Begala – “I don’t believe I’da used the term stripped bare.”
Tar Heels gather ‘round just a second. Don’t let those darn Wuffs and Dookies know this …. But the “safe house” where they hid Reille at Governors Club is, according to multiple sources, owned by Eric “00” Montross. Yeah, that one. Could this mean that Ye Olde Legend himself knew what was really going on with the man he publicly declared was his choice to be President of these United States? Oh me …. Oh my …. This is all mighty confusin!
We’re gonna keep on peelin these onions and see what we see ….. If you wondered why BobLee got back in the saddle …. lets just say I had a feeling there might be a lunker bass in the pond waiting to be hooked.