Who Dat?

BobLee has accumulated quite a cast o’ characters in 15 years & 1,700   incredibly insightful columns.  Many of the “who da heck is dat” category. Buddies & Babes who have hung out with us a while know these characters very well.  Newbees don’t have a clue.  Here they are in no particular order…

A Glossary of BobLee’s Cast o’Characters

The Great Unpleasantness (“TGU”)

The Darkest Era in UNC-CH history created by unmitigated arrogance, pompous fat cats, way too much kool-aid drinking and a dunderheaded AD.  The cloud of this disaster will hover over The Old Well for twenty years or The Rapture whichever comes first.

“Little Johnny” Swofford (“Swoffy”)

The arch-enemy of WuffWorld and also Commish of The ACC.  LJS spends his every waking moment plotting evil against the innocent inhabitants of The Brickyard.  Assumed by most Wuffs to be Satan’s spawn.

BubbaTheRealAD

Bubba Cunningham – UNC’s first “real AD” since The Bush One Administration.  Also the first UNC Senior Official to NOT take himself so doggone seriously.  Quite a “fine fellow”.  Probably better than UNC deserves quite frankly.

The Carolina Way (TCW)

An imaginary state-of-mind brought on by copious consumption of Karolina Kool-Aid.   How many “TruBlues” have fooled themselves into a false sense of superiority over all other living things.  When “Marvin Tweeted” TCW fell like Humpty Dumpty….. never to be put back together again.

Board Monkeys

Most often used derogatory term for Lunatic Fringe.  Sad creatures who live out sad lives hating pretty much every thing in their limited universe.  “Board monkeys” are indigenous to every fan base in America.  That they can vote and breed is a fundamental weakness in our society.

“Mary & Jay”

Mary “The Whistleblower” Willingham and Jay “The Faculty Dissident” Smith.  Controversial Chapel Hillians and good friends of BobLee.

Charming Little Carol – From DARTMOUTH

UNCCH “Chancellor Chihuahua” whose gender,  Ivy League resume and tiny stature are her primary qualifications to occupy the corner office at South Bldg.

Fabulous Comparato Twins

Nicole & Paige – darling mascots of The Choo Choo Lounge.   This dynamic duo were personally  responsible for what little amount of common sense happened at UNC-CH thru 2014.  Now at Univ Miami Law.

“Coach” – aka CNR

Held ladder while Dr Naismith hung the first peach basket in Springfield Y…. has been right-hand man to more Hall Of Fame coaches than UNC has banners in their rafters.  A very very very very special friend of BobLee’s.

“Chansky”

BobLee’s “straight man” partner with The Good Sports pre-game show on WCHL FM.  Only correct prediction EVER was “correct score of 2012 UNC-State game”.   Thinks he ran off Butch Davis but really it was all BobLee’s doings.

Phineas Teague

Along with BubbaTheRealAD and Norwood “Phineus” Teague is among the Greatest Collegiate Athletic Directors of The New Millenium.  He is AD at University of Minnesota….

The Moricles

BobLee’s super gracious hosts each Fall high atop BB&T Field in Camel City.  Zeno & The Moricles are VERY fine folks.

Blondie & Kid

The two primary reasons that “BobLee” is “BobLee”.  “I’m not having those crazy Internet people showing up at my front door.” ….. and “Dad, my social life will be ruined if anyone finds out who you are.”  Bless their hearts.

Prince Tassel Loafer

Official name is “Call me Dickie” Baddour.  Greatest accomplishment in 15 years as UNC AD was knowing the second verse of Hark The Sound.   Managed to turn “The Carolina Way” into a punch-line for incompetent executive oversight.  He meant well.

The Real Bob Kennel

The World’s #1 NC State Fan! Personal confidante to every prominent Democrat since Andrew Jackson.  Personally laid every brick in The Brickyard.  Who Jimmy V was running away from in Albuquerque in ’83

Ol’ Roy / ORW / Huckleberry / “Roy Two Rings”

UNC’s Hall Of Fame BB Coach with a delightful penchant for saying incredibly silly stuff.  “Two Ring” is a piecea work.  Once said “I’m staying” and an entire UNC fan base had a case o’ the vapors.

Marvin The Tweeter

A butterfly spreads its wings and a hurricane hits the Caribbean.  Young Marvin Austin tweets and a once proud university is forever stained.  For wont of a nail…. a shoe was lost……. sigh.

Jennifer The Tutor

The mythical linchpin of The Great Unpleasantness.  Fewer actual sightings of “Jennifer” than of Sasquatch and Loch Ness.  Rumored to be “in exile” with Deborah Crowder and Amelia Earhart.

Jim Knight

FB Referee who died and was resurrected in Kenan Stadium.  Came back to (1) stop TA at the one and (2) destroy Chuckle’s Head Coaching career at NC State.

Uncle Julius

Julius Nyang’oro, The most infamous AfAm Flim Flammer since Chicken George in Roots.  “Flew the coop” rather than ‘fess up to his crimes.  A truly reprehensible individual.

Frau Yow

Debbie Yow a/k/a “Frau” currently runs NC State Athletics with a whip, a chair and a castration knife.  She is A LOT better than “Dickie”.

Dr 2 Ts

“Reknown orthopedic surgeon” and darn fine soda jerk for Baby Boomers For Jesus.  First person to actually ask the question – “Who ARE those people?” when he visited a Carolina monkey board in 2002.

JDanWuff

aka “Mr Phelps”.  Longtime #1 “graphics guy” for TeamBobLee.  Has created AWESOME images of most of the Who Dats over the years.  Shares BL and AP “right-leaning” propensity.

“Amid Kenan’s Lofty Pines”

Reputed to be “THE prettiest football stadium on Earth… or at least in Orange County.”  Probably where Andy Griffith drank his Big Orange and watched’em kick that pumpkin around.

F-Bomb Alley

A BobLee “Classic”.  During Era of Chuck this was the “Kill Zone” of the Carter-Finley parking lot.   A maximum security holding area for the truly deranged of NC State’s lunatic fringe.

TO’B

The Marine who was sorta kinda beloved by Wuffs until one day he wasn’t any more.  Seemed like a really solid citizen…. ergo not “edgy” enuff for Wuffian tastes.

Offensive Coordinator

God’s gift for a struggling Head Coach to get an extra year by firing.  Along with “the refs”, the Commissioner, ESPN, and the NCAA, Offensive Coordinators are why “your team” does not ever get to a BCS game.

“Micki The Madam”

Coach K’s wife and subject of BobLee’s alltime greatest Internet Hoax….. BL claimed she was running a whorehouse outta the tennis shop at Hope Valley Country Club.  98% of InsideCarolina loons still believe that one.

Prince Albert

One of two most famous UNC Christians who organized Baby Boomers For Jesus and negotiated sweetheart deal with Domino’s pizza.  Has never seen Godfather, Animal House or Caddyshack…. NOT the guy you want as partner in Trivial Pursuits but “a true friend and all-around special fella”.  Only received four letters during entire college career.

BOTBob

UNC Fat Cat and BOT Chair that ramrodded hiring of Butch Davis with zero due diligence.   Thought he could escape blame but underestimated the awesome power of BobLeeSays.  Became a silver-spoon punchline for UNC “Carolina Way” arrogance.  Butch was fired THE MINUTE BOTBob’s left the UNC BOT….. NOT a coincidence.

Humility 101

The non-course that was really responsible for The Great Unpleasantness.  Not Swahili.  Has never been taught at UNC and likely never will be.

Choo Choo Lounge

Where BobLee holds court at UNC Football games in Kenan Stadium. Has three big TVs but no restroom.  Entry restricted to Former Football Lettermen or “pretty girls”….. no exceptions

Gene Nichol

The wild-eyed screaming personification of every unfavorable stereotype of a UNC-CH faculty squirrel.  Was fired as Prez at William & Mary for crimes against nature and common sense…. and immediately re-hired at UNC Law.  Gives goggle-eyed lunatics a bad rep.

BOT3

The Three UNC Fat Cats who wanted bragging rights soooo bad they trainwrecked UNC’s reputation in their vain attempt to “win at all costs”.  Cowards who shoulda been tarred & feathered and run down Franklin Street on a rail….. but weren’t.

WuffWorld

See Brickyard Bunch…. over-all a fine bunch of regular folks, but tend to be typecast by their lunatic fringe…. as do most fan bases.   They raise their young to hate John Swofford and the word “rafters”.

Burly Blue-bleeder

UNC Prodigal son who had plenty of “want to” but ran afoul of backstabbing fat cats, spineless AD, and disloyal staff…. otherwise no problem.  Another “good guy” who deserved a better fate…. but Life doesn’t always work that way.

Holden “Harry Potter” Thorp

First Chancellor that BobLee ever called “my friend”.  Was blindsided by a dunderheaded AD and a FB coach with a really bad memory.  Got caught in perfect storm of multi-crises.  Deserved better but thats not how Life works.

“Moses” Gottfried

The latest maybe-messiah to try and restore by-gone glory to NCState Basketball.   Took the job after Rick Barnes, Sean Miller, and who knows who else turned it down.  Still on “honeymoon” with WuffLunaticFringe… that will end sooner than he thinks.  Honeymoons always do.

Lunatic Fringe

Generic term for the most insane goggle-eyed goobers in any fan base.  Quite pitiful dregs of humanity with few if any redeeming qualities.  See also “Board monkeys”.  They live (?) on Internet fan sites and hate ADs, Coaches, Refs, Commissioners, Announcers, Analysts, Sportswriters, ESPN Anchors, BobLee…. and, most of, all their own wretched existence.

LRP

“Little Ricky” and BobLee go waaaaay back to when Little Ricky WAS “Little Ricky” 185 lbs of linebacking fury for Dooley’s first bowl team.  LRP is a valued member of the Choo Choo Lounge Executive Council.

#23 From Garden City

Don McCauley….. UNC’s #1 Football Legend not named Choo Choo.  Do all UNC superstars wear #23?

“Goal Line” Bomar

Made a courageous goal line tackle to seal UNC W over State in Charlotte and earn instant legend status.

The Pale Rider (The Butcher)

UNC’s first $2,500,000 FB coach and first to ever hire “Black Santa” and first to NEVER beat State.  Bamboozled the BOT3 for a sweetheart deal then had absolutely no clue of what happened for the next five years.   Now paid $500,000 by UNC to “consult” for Tampa Bay Bucs.

Dr Danny

The OTHER most famous UNC Christian.  He “was also a dentist”.  His stellar defense in 3rd OT in ’57 beat Wilt and KU forever changing college basketball.

Mayor Matt

Does BobLee know EVERY major Athletic official in the NCAA?  No, it just seems like he does.  Matt was first ever Mayor of Tar Heel Town then honcho with Sooner Club at OU…. now #2 AD at SMU.  Destined for further greatness.

“The Rafters”

High above the floor of Dean’s Dome where UNC BkB legends jerseys are on display.  Target Numero Uno for any missle attack from The Brickyard.

“The Brickyard Bunch”

see WuffWorld