EUREKA: The Final Solution… for UNC
If you think this column has ANYTHING to do with UNC FB or MBB… Boy are you going to be disappointed,
So I was having a “catch-up” lunch with a dear friend at Coquettes in Raleigh’s North Hills . It had been waaay too long (several years) so it took us three hours just to hit the high spots of all our topics… both personal and of global impact.
If you were at Coquettes around noon and saw two fellas over in a corner laughing their butts off… that was us. Yes, those two guys wearing Groucho glasses. That’s “incognito”.
Among our shared interests is observing the 24/7 Circus known as UNC-Chapel Hill. We have both been backstage at that 24/7 Circus of Academic Absurdum enough to appreciate what a Faux Intellectual Dumpster Fire it can be.
We discussed (1) UNC’s Latest Celebrity (?) i.e. The Kavanaugh Accuser… (2) the foolishness over Not Kenan The White Supremacist Memorial Stadium and, of course, (3) The Plight of Silent Sam. Something he said re: SSam triggered a thought for me… I pondered that thought a few minutes and…
EUREKA! I HAVE THE SOLUTION!
According to The Friends of SSam, the statue was NOT a tribute to “slavery”; but rather a memorial to The Sons of UNC who died in The War Between The States. OK.
The 100 or so mini-mob of spittle-spewing obscenity-screeching anarchists, of course, say it “celebrates enslavement of black people”. OK.
What to do ?? If the South Building Wizards of Smarts try to “put SSam back where he was”… SSam WILL be toppled again as soon as the 24/7 Security is relaxed.
Trying to hide SSam anywhere on campus will cause an Anarchists’ Scavenger Hunt to find him and desecrate him again simply “because” that’s what anarchists do.
Anarchists don’t work or contribute squat to society or bathe regularly. Their only purpose is to try to make everyone else’s Life as miserable as theirs.
BobLee’s Eureka Solution is to commission some sort of physical monument or memorial or statuary that…
Honors ALL UNC students and/or faculty who have died in Any and All wars and conflicts since UNC was founded in 1789.
Every war/conflict from War of 1812… WBTS… Spanish Amer… WWI… WW2… Korea… VietNam… all the Middle East stuff… Afghanistan… ad infinitum. Don’t list’em. Just say “all” so the question of Granada doesn’t become an issue.
Men/women/tranys/gays/black/white et al that died in any conflict… even if they choked on a chicken bone at the KFC at Ft Bragg.
The physical structure will NOT be a soldier or involve weapons or “military stuff”. It could be an obelisk or an orb or some weird modern art crap that only the sculptor has a clue – “Man’s Eternal Conflict”… whatever. It will not “glorify War” or the 2nd Amendment or the NRA but:
All UNC students & faculty that died in the service of their country.
Include some Peace Corps kid that got hit by a bus in Mozambique. Don’t list all the names on a plaque. Just say they are in a book in the library. The scroungy anarchists won’t have a clue where that is.
Ship SSam hisownself down to Bentonville Battlefield to spend Eternity with his comrades-in-arms. NOT with a bunch of feckless snowflakes and scraggly anarchists.
I’ve looked at this BRILLIANT IDEA from every angle and IT WORKS.
I ran it by Blondie. Her “solution of choice” involves “nuking” all of Orange County and most of Durham too. I’m trying to avoid that if possible. It may not be.
Being “NOMINATED” simply means some goggle-eyed spittle-spewing Trump-hatin’ nitwit UNCCH alumni wrote a letter suggesting UNCCH oughta do that.
Said “nitwit” made sure WRAL and The N&O got copies of that letter so they could MAKE A REALLY BIG DEAL OF IT… which, of course, they immediately did… DUH!
As of this posting neither UNCCH Chancellor Chihuahua nor any of her minions nor any rich white folks on the UNC BOT have commented on the “nomination” or “if it has effected recruiting”. Nor do they ever have to except the regional media will hound them to do so.
UNC System Prez “Ma” Spellings nor any rich white folks on the BOG have commented on the “nomination” nor do they have to either.
You or I could “nominate” Marvin Austin, PJ Hairston and Rashad McCants for such a distinguished award. Neither WRAL not The N&O would report it… but Dan Kane would send me an email and we’d share a few laughs.
NOTE: If UNC is looking for a real worthy nominee, I suggest: Suellen Evans – UNC coed murdered in UNC’s Coker Arboretum in July 1965. Her murder is still unsolved. To my knowledge no one ran a $1,000,000 GoFundMe for Suellen Evans. And we know FOR A FACT she actually was murdered.
Ergo… DO NOT burn your UNCCH diploma YET. If you haven’t already burned it over the past 30-40 years, wait a few weeks. FWIW… I misplaced mine 30 years ago and have suffered no ill effects from doing so.
Ms. Prof Ford apparently bragged of having 64 sexual partners thru high school and at UNCCH. Wonder how many of her 64 would show up IF she gets this “distinguished alumni award”?
A classmate of Ford’s says her favorite Franklin Street “pick-up bar” was He’s Not Here. A LOT of “distinguished UNC alumni” might say that.
IF anyone of any influence at UNC-CH does pursue formally honoring a previously totally obscure former UNC student for her part in a Democratic Smear Plot, I will let you know and you can THEN burn your diploma or whatever.
Oh! I have also suggested that it might help Ms Prof Ford’s nomination if she…
Claims Silent Sam might have assaulted her in 1987 but she’s not sure when, where or if he did or not. “The media” will slobber all over themselves.
Neither WRAL nor The N&O have reported that suggestion of mine either.
Our delightful 3-hour “catch-up” lunch at Coquettes covered lots of other cool topics too. I encourage everyone to have “catch-up lunches” with old friends… with or without the Groucho glasses.