CHAOS …Confusion & “That Guy”

December04/ 2016

CHAOS … CONFUSION … Life Is Good!!   ‘Tis the season for CHAOS! Here at we celebrate those special occasions when the easily discombobulated morph into the totally unhinged. For better or worse, such occasions seem to be ever-increasing as society moves quite perceptibly closer to The Abyss.

Today we offer our incredibly insightful opinions on:

• The College Football Playoffs
• The Notre Dame Wristslap vis a vis UNC’s TGU
• UNC Basketball’s mysterious “That Guy”….

By the time many/most of you read this, the Football Final Four will be Official and the formal fussin’ and cussin’ will be underway from sea to shining sea. If who got in and who didn’t get in REALLY matters to you (…and you know who you are) you likely have (1) never waited anxiously for a biopsy result for yourself or a loved one…. or (2) as a parent, never received a last night phone call beginning with “Are you the parents of …….?”

Weighing the relative merits of the 6-8 possibilities for The Final Four is a waste of time because “it is OBVIOUS who they should be”. YOU know who they should be, don’t you?  Of course, you do. “The Committee” knows too but it’s members are ….. drumroll ….. crooked and/or “on the take” and HATE (fill in Michigan, PennState, Oklahoma, USC, …. Western Michigan ??). Shreveport

Speaking of North Carolina State University…. Dave Who’s Fighting Wuffs will be HEADED TO SHREVEPORT to play Vanderbilt.  I SWEAR I had nothing to do with that.   Get your nickels ready for those loose slots in the Bossier City casino and the gumbo at Denny’s.

Meanwhile The Fedorians are headed to El “freakin’ Paso and Stanford in The Sun Bowl.  At least a dozen UNC Football Faithful are expected to say they might go.  I hear the Donkey Show in Ciudad Juarez is a humdinger….

Ain’t Bowl Season Grand ???

The way they do The Playoffs now is just fine. It has created the current CHAOS and what greater good could there be? BUT, if I was consulted to tweak the current system I DO have a few awesome suggestions.

Do away with Super Conference “Divisions”. OR, even better…. reduce Super Conferences to a maximum of Ten teams. If you need me to handle that reduction / realignment, I can do so but I will charge for it. A 10-team conference means a full round-robin each season in each conference (nine games) plus three OOC games (only one of which can be “a cupcake”).

“Divisions” are both stoopid and ridiculous. Admittedly it is fun to watch my Wuff friends “go postal” over how UNFAIR it is for them in whichever division they are in in the ACC. The stoopid Divisions created the helluva mess in The Big Ten this year.

No divisions eliminates the stoopid Conference Championship Games which belong wherever “they” put the unitard. Use the current Conference Championship Weekend to play the opening round of an Eight Team Playoff.   Remember, we split the Super Conferences into smaller ten team units…. The Power Five becomes the Power Six/Eight or so under My Plan.

Had My Plan been in effect this year…. Yesterday would have been the Quarterfinal Round of The Playoff and we would now have a month to await the Semi-Final and Finals…. The Quarterfinals would be played on one of the campuses of one of the teams. NOT a million miles away in some stoopid place where Transgenders can pee in peace and half the half-filled stadium is filled with “freebees” given to homeless guys in Orlando.

Having the opening round in early December keeps those players who never went to class because they were in their last season of eligibility and/or knew they were going pro from being “ineligible” once the Fall Semester is over in mid-December. THIS is a much bigger deal than any board monkey ever considers.

The four teams eliminated in this early Quarterfinal Round are still eligible for “a bowl”.

I am skipping over a lot of detail minutiae because I need to get to Notre Dame / TGU / UNCBB’s “That Guy”. But, trust me, I have worked out those minute detailPatrinos.

One special rule I insist upon is NO TEAM being coached by Bobby Petrino is EVER eligible for The Playoffs… whether that is Louisville or wherever he slithers off to next. IMO Petrino is even more unacceptable than Art “I didn’t know nuthin’ bout no rapes” Briles; but not by much.

I might do a more detailed explanation of all this later on. That depends on how many of you think you have a better plan and insist on sharing it with us. …. and you know who you are.


OK…. I am assuming you know all about The NCAA recently ordering Notre Dame to forfeit all it’s FB W’s in 2012 and 2013 because a student trainer (a she-AfAm) did the classwork for a group of Notre Dame FBers. There was no evidence whatsoever that ND Admins knew about this “cheating” or condoned it or “looked the other way” but it has been verified as taken place. The players involved were dismissed and/or suspended from school.

Is “what happened at/to Notre Dame” relevant to UNC’s Great Unpeasantness? Yes…. and Not particularly.

FB players received illegal assistance in their academics…. which affected their eligibility. BUT…. No ND admins or faculty or staff are implicated.

The NCAA imposed “punishment” – forfeiting W’s for two seasons – might sound “harsh” but in reality is inconsequential. No “banners” are involved. No $$$ fine is imposed. No coaches are fired. It is the equivalent of “community service” or “say three Hail Marys and light a few candles”.

For those of you who are 7-8 year members of the TGU Lynch Mob…. Would you be satified if UNC simply “forfeits W’s” for X seasons? Even the incessant droning of “tear down the banners” is, at the end of the day meaningless.

The obnoxious UNC fans you so despise with every fiber of your being will never admit to whatever that “forfeiting” is suppose to mean. There would be no “perp walk” or being publicly pilloried and assaulted with rotting produce.

A large $$$$ fine has no Sense of Satisfaction for ABCers. Lets say $20,000,000. A handful of UNC hedge fund guys would ante it up…. launder it thru some bogus “foundation” and VIOLA …. Done & Done. Chancellor Chihuahua and the rest of The Little Rascals in South Building would never feel a thing.

“laundering $$$ thru a bogus Foundation” ??? Geee, where have we heard about THAT over the past six months ???

What happened with Notre Dame only means The NCAA is not afraid to penalize A Juggernaut… however meaningless the penalty.

UNCBB’s “That Guy” Revealed….Eric Hoots

This past week “That Damn” Dan Kane added a new name to the cast of characters of TGU – Eric Hoots. I don’t “know” Eric Hoots.  I met him once 5-6 years ago. Eric gave me, and a UNC BOT / Fat Cat of some renown, a guided tour of UNC BB’s Inner Sanctum.

Based on that brief encounter and what I have read about Eric Hoots…. He is “That Guy” that every big time Juggernaut MBB / FB program has. Nick and Urban and Calipari and Coach K and even Dabo all have “an Eric Hoots” on their staff. I’m sure Jimmy V had a “That Guy” back in his day.

A “That Guy” in any organization is a jack-of-all-trades who does whatever needs doing. Think Radar O’Reilly in MASH.   He is a whirling dervish scurrying about “picking up dry cleaning”…. “getting cars detailed”….et al. Think a concierge at a luxury hotel.  A “That Guy” has a golden rolodex of who to call for whatever needs doing. His official title will be bureaucratic jibberish. “That Guy” is “a fixer”.

Dan’s story noted that Eric Hoots makes $100,000/year to be UNCBB’s “That Guy”. YIKES!!!! Back in the day… a “That Guy” slept on a cot in the team’s equipment room and – maybe – got to eat at the players’ training table. It looks like “a That Guy” career pays a lot better than 90% of the bogus PC-degrees at UNCCH.

I have no clue how involved, if at all, Eric Hoots was/is with The Eligibility Scam run thru UNC’s AfAm Studies Dept for however many years. No idea what he knows. If Eric Hoots is like most “That Guys”…. Dan Kane and The NCAA goons can waterboard him and stick needles in his eyes and he AIN’T GONNA TALK.

I did notice that when That Damn Dan’s latest story ran…. The Franklin Street Chapter of The We Really Hate Dan Kane Society turned out immediately in full obscenity-spewing force.  UNC’s self-acclaimed award-winning TGU documentarian – “Buzby Berkley” ?? “Beetle Bailey” ?? Whatever… has restated his intense disapproval of Dan.  Whatever that means.

When all this mess started, Lane Kiffin was head coach of The Oakland Raiders…. OUCH!


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