ByBy Bully: Thanks for the memories

June24/ 2014

Dagnabit, I’m gonna miss Bully Barber and his Monday Hoot’n Haters. Whatever will we look forward to each Monday until “24” comes on at 9:00 PM?

Yep, Hoot ‘n Hate 2014 is done – fini – kaput. Stick a fork in it. Take down the circus tent and load the animals into their cages (aka “ rusty VW mini-buses”). The 2014 “short session” of the NC General Assembly is drawing to a close….. and with it even any pretend purpose for Rev William “Bully” Barber’s weekly shenanigans.

As June’s breezes scatter Bully’s last pulpit-pounding rage thru downtown Raleigh, we savor rapidly-fading memories.

Bully’s pocket media (Jim Goodmon’s WRAL and McClatchey’s hemorraghing fishwrappers) are scrambling to find SOMETHING that these constipated mini-mobs accomplished….. they are asking for suggestions.

Don’t you love that picture up top of Bully pleading with his mini-mob on Monday to come up with ONE JUST ONE thing we’ve accomplished with this silliness. JUST ONE?

Me…. Me….. I have some. Call on me. I’m not holding my breath waiting for Goodmon’s goon squad or McClatchy’s weasels to actually ask me. I’ll tell you.

(1) They certainly promoted Rev Bully. Our local mini-mob messiah got enough pub” via national radical left-wing media to get Bully a few gigs around the country. A Wisconsin Hoot ‘n Hate with their local union thugs being the most prominent. …… with America having grown weary of Jesse and Al there is a void in the fiery race-baiter bizness. Why not Goldsboro’s own BullyBilly? Why not indeed?
(2) The afore-mentioned Jim Goodmon got to spend some more of Uncle AJ’s trust fund bucks promoting Bully’s hijinks. “Doing what I can to destroy The American Dream” probably gives Jim a tingle. If Jim’s goons – Laura and Binky weren’t writing about Bully, they might have to cover Real News and neither has much experience doing that. Diving in Republican dumpsters and glorifying the lifestyles of societal misfits being their journalistic niches.
(3) ….. give me a minute, I’m sure there must be a #3.

…. I know.
(3) Bully’s weekly Hoot ‘n Hates gave me oodles of plum foolishness to write about.

I get jealous of BobLee. He has this never-ending Great Unpleasantness festering over in Chapel Hill. That is a year-round go-to topic. I get Senor Bully and his woebegone busload of gypsies, tramps and thieves. Maybe there’s some way to tie our two sideshows together?

Did Bully’s bloviations and the weekly spectacle of Bully’s Brigade of Human Oddities, Mail-order ministers, and Half-way House parolees actually change the course of North Carolina history?

Not exactly on par with The Lost Colony, Mayberry, NASCAR or Dumplin’ Perdue getting a speeding ticket. I’m thinking more on a par with Bert Pearson opening a new Surf Shop at Emerald Isle…. or maybe The BobCats/Hornets going with an all gay-guy cheerleader squad. No, that last one would be WAY bigger news that a Bully mini-mob.

Even His Bulliness Hisownself says the highlight “Triumph” was Phil Berger agreeing to try and talk to a dozen bitchy teachers whining about whatever bitchy whiney teachers are whining about these days.

Oh yeah…. MORE MONEY! Isn’t that what NBA millionaires whine about too. At least they (NBA millionaires) can be quantitatively measured. How do you tell a good teacher from a bitchy whiney one?

I’d start with “good teachers” teach and don’t follow berobed flim-flammers. I saw a few interviews with those bitchy whiney sourballs that met with Phil. Shining examples of why every North Carolinian parent who can should do whatever to get their kids out of public schools. Scary sumbitches……

THAT was IT. The end result of all of Bully’s Hoot ‘n Hates. And Phil, ever polite, didn’t cave to any of their yadda yadda.

IMO, the highlight of all Bully’s hootings was Reverend Rubye and Reverend Gabby and those other loonies that took over Tillis’ office a few weeks ago. How Bully ever found such a motley gaggle of bedraggled hooligans and hooliganettes defies belief.

Remember “the two dry-humpin’ over in the corner”. How could you EVER forget them. A week or so later when Legislative Security confiscated a barrel load of prison schives, ice picks, and box cutters from Bully’s “mainstream citizens” was pretty special too. An AirYemen 747 to TelAviv has fewer concealed weapons than Bully Barber’s bunch. They carry more knives than “the Swiss Army” (think about that one!).

Someone told me BullyBarber’s bunch had more criminal convictions than the Univ of Georgia Football team. YOWSAAA!

Bully might want to use another Rent-A-Mini-Mob service in the future.

I’m still getting kudos for my zinger after one of last year’s hootings…… “the whole thing was like a job fair for lesbian ministers”. Well, they were. Hey, if your storefront tabernacle is looking for a lesbian to lead’em, send a search committee to one of Bully’s mobbings. There were always dozens to choose from. Heck, likely a few trany and bi “clergy” too. Why not?

Bully’s media likes to refer to them as “clergy”. If a naïve reader wants to think they mean “real clergy” well that’s up to them. Anyone think Reverend Rubye can spell Thessalonians? Can Bully spell Thessalonians?

The scraggly old hippies from Carrboro and Asheville got to get-together and swap Grateful Dead tee shirts and Cheech & Chong CDs. That makes what…. five accomplishments of Bully’s Hoot ‘n Hates?

I’d like to say “that on-the-record interview Barber did with Carolina Journal or Civitas” was a highlight…. but, sigh, that never happened and Hell never froze over either. Oh well, maybe next year….. bwahahaha.

As “the media” fixated effusively over Bully’s circuses was I the only one wondering how many more AfAm babies were being born without fathers…. how much more black-on-white violence was going unreported….. how much more black-on-black violence was unreported…. or how many AfAms in NC could have gotten photo IDs if Bully had been going door-to-door with one of those DMV ID card machines…… did you think about that every Monday? I did.

As The Bully Van pulls away from Halifax Mall for the final time, I must face the grim reality. I HAVE to find something else really really stoopid to comment about. Huummm. Whats that you say? “Michelle Obama did….” “Hillary said….” “Obama lied about…..” “Harry Reid yelled…..” . Problem solved. 🙂

It’s just a rumor but I hear Goodmon is going to offer a box-set of B-rolls of Bully’s Best Rants. Tom Campbell will be hawking them on NC Spin. For an extra $2 you get a three-minute video of Chris Fitzsimons blinking.

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