Maybe Yalta was all booked up ??

June02/ 2014

“Yalta”? If you are old enough to have been educated rather than indoctrinated you might be familiar with “Yalta”. In Feb 1945 F.D.R, Churchill and Joe Stalin had a historic meeting at Yalta to discuss dividing up Germany post-Hitler. Where is Yalta? ….. in The Crimea between Livaddiia and Hurzuf.

Another historic meeting has been in the planning stages for over a year, but, alas, has been kyboshed. Why? I’m guessing Yalta was all booked up.

Who was suppose to meet? Yours truly and Pope BullyTheBarber! ZOUNDS!!!

A year or so ago, when Rev Bully Barber was first putting together his coalition with Jim Goodmon and The N&O to hoot, hate and try to disrupt North Carolina’s State Government, I was approached by a “close confidant” and BFF of RBB hisownself. Would I be interested in meeting with the esteemed demagogue / self-annointed messiah of the masses of The NC Democratic Party?

It ain’t everyday one gets to meet a self-annointed messiah of the masses. Does one have to wear socks? Does one call him PopeBully or just plain Bill? Does one kneel, kiss the hem of his papal vestment, or give a high five or fist bump? Will I speak with his imminence directly or through one or more interpreters / aka TheBullyBoyz? The list goes on. I was hesitant, plus why would such an incredible fellow want to waste even an incredible moment of his incredible time with little ol’ AgentPierce? I requested more details.

In the ensuing months, there would be the occasional reference to us getting-together with no further details. It emerged that the intent of said get-together twixt moi and BullyBill was the assuredness by the “close confidant” that if I were to bathe in the not-insignificant shadow of HisBillness then I would surely realize his INCREDIBLE Intelligence AND his awesome MORAL MAGNIFICENCE. Voila! Saved from a life of wandering in Conservative ignorance. Such a deal!

Bully is “The smartest and The most moral man that I know”, he said. That takes on significance when you realize “close confidant” was also “close confidant” to Jim Hunt, The Dahli Lama and probably Mahatma Ghandi and The Apostle Paul too. And Bully is Numero Uno!

I would be so impressed that I would (1) stop writing “ugly” commentaries about him, and (2) fall in lock-step with Rev Rubye and the rest of his brain-dead lemming; and perhaps even (3) superglue myself to Thom Tillis’ credenza.

I knew Bill Barber HAD to be INCREDIBLY Intelligent because he is a liberal. Heck everyone knows every liberal is INCREDIBLY Intelligent (or thinks so at least). Even Joe Biden, Sheila Jackson-Lee, and Dumplin’ Perdue. Whatever happened to Lil’ Ol’ Dumplin’ anyway. MORALLY MAGNIFICENT was a bonus. No wonder he was their Messiah De Jour.

Libs and their messiahs de jour?? They glom on to nearbout any bright shiny gee-gaw that comes along. Yes, they all end up with two left feet of clay. Then they go find’em another one. Like zombies in a George Romero flick.

Anyhoo. “Wanna meet with Bully?” hung out there for over a year. Then I wrote those two latest Lallapalooza columns that both went viral. “Close confidant” was indignant to a faretheewell proclaiming “your ugliest ever”. Aw shucks! I thanked him profusely.

He was so worked up he felt he had to get me to Liberal Lourdes while there was still a sliver of a chance of saving my immortal soul. He proposed that meeting AGAIN.

I said “OK, I’ll do it. Anywhere within 30 miles of Char-Grill or, of course, Yalta. I’ll come alone but Bully can bring his posse if he wants to.” I was calling his bluff. I felt a little guilty, but just a little.

He writes back wanting to know “Why do you want to meet with Reverend Barber?” Why did I WANT TO MEET with him? Was I suppose to submit an essay ?

“Look into the beady eyes of a stone-cold liberal demagogue” is not on my bucket list. Is it on yours?

Two years ago the Republican leadership of the NCGA went to great lengths to set-up a meeting with BullyBarber. Coordinating the busy schedules of over a dozen busy legislators. Two hours before the meeting a flunky of Bully’s called to say Bully had decided NOT to attend the meeting. It’s an old flimflammer trick that Barber has pulled before…. and will no doubt pull again.

To have now been judged unworthy of meeting HisBullyship did not rise to the level of Bully stiffing the legislators of course. I was so sure “meet Bully” would never happen I never told Mrs AgentPierce. I did tell a coupla buddies what was in play (and how it would play out). Several pals offered to tape a Glock behind the toilet of wherever we met….. if we did meet….. which was never going to happen.

So, that’s the story of how I never met BullyBarber. I’ll never know what Yalta is like in June. Sigh. Wait a minute….. maybe Camp David is available ?

UPDATE on Flex-Cuff Fourteen….. remember “Rev Dick” aka “Gabby Hayes”? Well “Gabby” has become a full-fledged folk hero back home in Chapel Hill/Carrboro aka “Chapelboro”. Their community website – – wrote a heroic tribute to “Gabby” that dwarfed what Neil Armstrong received for his “one small step”. There’s even talk of a statue of “Gabby in his flex-cuffs” alongside Silent Sam. …… You can tell a lot about a community by whom it considers its heroes.

Epilogue: “Meeting with Bully” would not have been my first such bi-racial “sit-down”. Several years ago The N&O arranged a series of lunch-meets ‘tween me and a notorious local race-baiting hoot’n hater. After six reasonably polite lunches, the only thing we agreed on is that both of us preferred sex with white women. We’ll never know what BullyBarber and I mighta learned ‘bout one another.

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