In the merry merry month of May…. liberal media activists’ full attention turns to saturation coverage of RevBully Barber’s Hoot & Hate version 2014.
Fans of sideshow freaks, constipated old hippies, union thugs, assorted societal misfits and a self-promoting race-baitin’ reverend “come on down” to Halifax Mall for a new season of Hootin’ & Hatin’ w/ RevBilly.
Who knows what else MIGHT happen in North Carolina:
Ol’ Roy Williams MIGHT announce he’s Gay….. It won’t matter.
The city of Apex MIGHT fall into a giant sinkhole….. It won’t matter.
The Angus Barn MIGHT “go vegan”….. It won’t matter.
One runner on the American Tobacco Trail MIGHT NOT be mugged ….. It won’t matter.
One and ONLY ONE thing matters to regional NC media.
This Column was Posted 24 hours BEFORE Monday’s Hoot & Hate. Note how AgentPierce absolutely nails exactly how Barber, N&O and WRAL would play it…… Absoluterly NAILS it!
BullyBilly’s Mini-Mob 2.0 will be arompin ‘n astompin down to the General Assembly. To maximize your viewing pleasure we’re tickled pink to offer this handy dandy How To:
Hootin & Hatin’ 2.0…. for Dummies
♦ A Grand Entrance: Bully needs to amp up his Grand Entrances this season. The black van with the tinted windows and VERY heavy-duty suspension is OK but jazz it up a few notches. Helicopters are always good.
A Big-Ass Chopper! Vlad Putin’s Russkies have a Mil V-12 model than can airlift a herd of elephants in first gear. Weld monster woofers & tweeters on the sides. Robert Duvall in Apocalypse Now? Fly tree-top level down Fayetteville Street with the volume on max blaring Aretha singing Mammy’s Little Bully Loves Shortnin’ Bread ….
Lower Bully from the belly of the Mil V-12 in a giant naugahyde La-Z-Boy with four midgets rapelling alongside him dressed as The Four Little Horsemen of The Apocalypse – Pestilence, War, Famine and Elmo.
♦ The Reverend William “Call me Bully” Barber dressed in his finest High Priest of Pomposity costume. Will he wear a propeller beanie this year? ….. maybe mouse ears? Bully’s posse will set-up his podium throne where RevBully will spew his ecumenical epithets and pentecostal profanities.
♦ Should Bully open with a naughty limerick this year? “There was a mean ol’ speaker named Thom…. who _____”. OK, maybe not.
♦ Enormous signage promoting Bully’s deep-pocketed, guilt-ridden, extorted financiers? A 50’ banner for the AJ Fletcher Foundation with Jim Goodmon in a Che Guevara beret and wife as Evita Peron….. “Don’t cry for me Wake County”.
McClatchy’s dying newspapers – N&O and Charlotte Observer. Considering McClatchy’s tight budget this decade, RobRielleWho, Ned Barnett and Jimmy Jenkins can hand-stitch a giant quilt commemorating major news stories we turned into journalistic embarrassments. Any one seen Mikey Nifong lately? Invite Rielle Hunter as Official Hoot & Hate videographer?
The state’s twin hippie nests Carrboro and Asheville (Carrboro by The Biltmore) can go in together. A Cessna pulling a banner proclaiming:
Carrboro & Asheville – Supplying Eight VW mini-buses of smelly old hippies as Bully’s Mob Fodder. PS: You can keep’em.
Should union thugs be noted? Bumperstickers with Mugged In America By Overpaid Labor.
Will TeamBully takes this promotional advice?
Here’s what you WILL read and WILL see from RevBillyMedia LLC.
♦ The photo-journalists in Bully’s pocket will be under strict orders to take very tight shots of the mini-mob to minimize its parsity. “Parsity” means not nearly as many mini-mobbies as they want you to think. The oldest photo-journalist trick in the book. ….. Remember mini-mob math – a dozen = “close to 100”…. a 100 = “several 100” and of course the Lalapalooza of maybe “10,000 = 80 -100,000” according to Logistical Expert / Goodmon Go-pher Peter Anlyan.
♦ WRAL and N&O Editors will re-use B-roll from Bully’s “80-100,000” from last Summer anyway. Logistics Expert Peter Anlyan has tons of footage for any media source needing any. If a naïve public assume the old pics are of the most recent hootenanny that’s “collateral assumption”.
♦ Avoid photographic evidence of the REALLY scary “barber-ians”. That’s 87% of’em but whatchagonnado. The cross-eyed ones with dripping fangs and visible tatts of copulating wildebeasts make it tough for RevBilly when he extorts $$$ from potential sponsors.
Piercings are intriguing folk-art but 3rd and 4th nostrils and railroad spikes in orifices scare kids who could become Little BullyBuddies. To see the mega-freaks you have to attend the Hoot & Hates in person.
♦ TeamBully encourages disciples to bring crude misspelled obscene signage suggesting creative sexual experiences for Republican legislators. Those with Governor McCrory and primates are popular.
♦ Each Hoot & Hate “news” report will include emotional interviews with distraught “barber-ians”. They will be carefully orchestrated. Nothing is left to chance by TeamBully. The scripted interviewees portray character personas designed to create the mob-image Bully and WRAL / N&O are going for…. heavy on grandmothers, paraplegics, mammas w/ knee babies and a sprinkling of large AfAm women in church hats.
♦ Barber’s game plan is to only use AfAms as crowd fodder. Too many mobbies “of color” and Hoot & Hates look like a Black Panther Invasion. That will frighten Jim Goodmon and John Drescher’s inside-the-beltline buddies.
♦ Speaking of church…. the Bully-media will continue to play up the number of “ministers” involved. As they did last Spring. Hoot & Hates are a job fair for radical activist lesbian ministers. Bully-media hopes you assume otherwise.
♦ As regards New Rules for NCGA demonstrations…. Irrelevant. Whatever “the Rules”, Bully’s mini-mob intends to violate them. Many of these misfit goobers got their greatest kicks doing this crap back in the 60s. Being part of an anti-social mob is who they are.
♦ Expect Barber to personally attack Thom Tillis at every opportunity with extreme malice. Barber will be attacking Thom Tillis a lot more than he will attack Phil Berger or McCrory and Eeeevil Art Pope this go-round.
Each Barber personal attack on Tillis is campaign smearing that Kay Hagan doesn’t pay for. Clever huh? McClatchy / Goodmon dumpster-divers dutifully reporting every smear.
Barber’s over-the-top theatrics and absurd stagecraft ARE very effective with his primary market audience.
Hoot & Hates Are a collaboration of a self-righteous, radically liberal media and a tin-horn, race-baitin’ con artist playing to an audience of gullible hashtagging societal misfits.