Lord Luv A Duck!

December20/ 2013

Lord Luv A Duck…. double pun definitely intended. America thrown into hysterical gridlock by a tailor-made-for AgentPierce controversy involving the words “bestiality”, “hiatus” and “patriarch”. Christmas has came early for those of us in the provocative punditry bizness.

If you haven’t heard about Duck Dynasty – GQ – GLAAADD – and A&E; then welcome back from whatever faraway galaxy you’ve been in the past four days.

Am I the only one who can never figure out all the letters in GLLAAADD and that LGQBT bunch? I can’t get the spelling straight, much less what they stand for… or what all those assorted sexual preferences are. Bi’s and Trans’ ???

I grew up in “the birds & the bees” era. “That talk” circa 2013 must now include more animals than ol’ Noah took with him on his Ark. Really, I don’t mean any disrespect. Well, not too much…..

I watch Duck Dynasty off and on. I would not say I’m a loyal weekly fan, but I “get it”. I know the back-stories about the Robertson Family, their very successful business, and how/why they purposely created their over-the-top super-Redneck on-air persona. I know how Willie and Jase landed hotties like Korie and Missy. I know about Uncle Si et al. I know about “saying grace” before dinner at the close of each show.

IOW….. I know A LOT more about the show and the cast than 99.9% of all the faux-intellectual libs of both homo & hetero persuasion who are up in arms and squawking and running around in circles this week.

To those squawking libs, “The Robertsons” as portrayed in the show are “us” personified. The hillbilly, red-neck, Deliverance cast persona is what all us conservative Repubs are in their (libs) twisted, constipated little MENSA minds.

Lets look at the principals in this mega Hubbub that has pushed Obamacare and Texas football coaches clear off the front page.

GQ….. “Phil’s interview” was done for GQ (aka Gentlemen’s Quarterly). GQ used to be a mainstream upscale men’s style magazine. You might think it still is. It isn’t. GQ moved decidedly into the metro-sexual market a decade or so ago. I’m not real sure what a “metro-sexual” is, but I’m pretty sure they don’t shop at Bass Pro Shop or Cabela’s.

That GQ wanted to profile “a Duck Dynasty guy” was likely out of curiosity as much as anything. I suspect the GQ editors knew the real story of the show and the cast; but figured they could lampoon the show and get some yucks from their primary market (aka those aforementioned “metro-sexuals”). I suspect Phil and his family knew all that from the get-go.

What Phil said….. I am sure Phil Robertson knew what he was saying. The GQ folks did not gotcha Phil. Why Phil gave’em both barrels on his opinions of homosexuality, I don’t know. He coulda made his point with a few less descriptive words and phrases.

The best parallel I can think of is when Rush called that condom-queen a “slut”. Had he dialed back a notch to say “strumpet” would the knee-jerk reaction been less severe? Both Phil and Rush chose sledge hammers over a standard 16 oz claw hammer.

My opinion mind you, I think Phil purposely lit the fuse on this powder keg, knowing it would GO BOOM.

GLAAADDD…. again, I don’t know, or much care, how many As, Ls, or Ds are in their name. They probably don’t care that AgentPierce is all one word. Call it even.

Of all the radical fringe factions under the liberal tent; and Lord knows there are a mess of’em; none are more extreme and ruthless than MILITANT homosexuals. If liberal factions were snakes….. militant homosexuals would be black mambas. I don’t mean that to be critical. They probably feel they have to be for whatever reason. Every activist faction (left or right) sets the parameters of its persona.

The environmental whackos….. the PETA nutz….. the race-baiters like Barber’s gang…. the hard-core Marxists….. the NAMBLA pedophiles…. the God-hatin’ atheists and the umpteen others left-wing factions….. none operate on a scorched earth / take-no-prisoners mandate to the degree the militant homosexual activists do. With the total acquiesence, of course, of “the media”.

Phil and his family likely know that. The executives at A&E definitely know that. The Militant homosexual lobby is very well-funded too. That homosexuals only represent 2% of the population is a moot point.

Note I say “militant homosexual” to distinguish from simply “homosexuals”. I don’t pay much attention to homosexual issues (or the abortion issue). I have an opinion but it’s not a top of mind issue with me. I channel my crazy right-wing activism towards liberal media bias if you hadn’t noticed.

I have the most poorly developed “gaydar” on the planet. Unless someone insists on invading my space with their sexual orientation I don’t give it a thought. “Invading my space” on any issue is not recommended.

Since this story broke Wednesday morning, nothing about it surprises me. I knew it would develop quickly in new directions….. and it has. This had WildFire written all over it.

A&E…… if you had asked me a week ago “what network is Duck Dynasty on?” I could not have told you. We DVR about a dozen or so favorite series. I cannot tell you what network any of them are on. I don’t care once I set them to be recorded.

Was A&E certain to grab its ankles to GLLAAADDD? (I’m sorry. Puns just come so easily on this one). Absolutely. Does this mean A&E executives are gay? Not necessarily, but I’m sure they are very much afraid of militant homosexuals, for the reason noted above.

NOTE: Did you know that ESPN refused to air an ad two weeks ago that mentioned “Jesus”? ESPN execs consider Jesus to be “problematic”. It was a Christmas theme ad by a Catholic hospital in St Louis….. and ESPN considered their mentioning Jesus to be “problematic”.

The War On Christmas (and Christians) is very very real my friends. Getting Nativity Scenes banned 10-15 years ago was just the beginning. A subject for another day.

I suspect The Robertsons will part ways with A&E within a few days or weeks and find a new network home…… and their very loyal 12,000,000 fans will follow them wherever they land. A&E doesn’t have the cajones to stand up to GLLAAADD.

A&E’s accountants will panic at the immediate loss of their #1 Cash Cow/Duck but the A&E execs fear of a full-scale attack by the GLLAAADD Gang will rule their decision.

Maybe Duck Dynasty goes to Glen Beck’s new network ? Are you aware that TimeWarner now carries the Al Jazeera Network (yes, THAT Al Jazeera!) but refuses to carry Beck’s network. Yep…. that’s right. Call your local TWC office and ask about that.

The national question in all of this is NOT Phil Robertson’s very strong statements or the appropriateness of him airing them in a magazine interview. Whether Phil was even theologically accurate is not the issue.

Nor is it the immediate Pavlovian reaction of the GLLAADD Gang. That was totally predictable. The right of any gang or individual to squawk and to be offended has not been taken away….. yet. Bill Barber, Gene Nichol and Jim Goodmon offend me. Who cares?

The national question IS the ever-widening double standard within what we still call “the mainstream media (msm)” relative to “offending the Left” versus “offending the Right”. That we even use the stoopid term – Politically Correct – is a concession that those beady-eyed ideologues are somehow “correct” and any opposition to their semantical absurdum is therefore in-Correct. HOGWASH, or might we say DUCKWASH!

The wholesale enthusiastic promotion of BullyBillBarber by the local media is a glaring symptom of this same epidemic.

Make any vile comment you want to about Sarah Palin or George Bush or Pat McCrory or any prominent Conservative or Conservative value and the suits at “the networks and newspapers” snicker and giggle.

Dare to call out any left-wing contingent and all hell-breaks-loose…… as it did this week.

Quack Quack !

AP Trivia: The original title for this column was “Duck You, A&E”…. hehehehe.

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