Zero Dark Thursday and a Roy said ____.

October18/ 2013

Welcome to Friday morning’s Two-parter.   Part One is a post Zero Dark Thursday recap.   Other than the score, UNC readers will enjoy this part.ZeroDark

Part Two is a “Roy said What?”  Wuffs and ABCers in general will chortle and snort over this one…. as will any one who enjoys a rollicking good “Roy said _______”.

Part One:   Zero Dark Thursday was a very well designed and implemented multi-layered sports marketing promotion.   Not saying it was D-Day-ish in its logistics but it had plenty of land mines buried in it.   Other than the final three minutes of the game, it appeared to be flawlessly rolled-out.

Sincere kudos to BubbaTheRealAD….. Sports Promotion Guy Rick Steinbacher…. and the dozens of layers of worker bees who did all the grunt work necessary in such an endeavor.

Oh, trust me, it will be derided and demeaned by that faction of humanity that uses “anything about UNC-CH” to compensate for their own inadequacies, shortcomings and daily failures.  Derisive comments “on the Internet” from an individual or even several individuals do not reflect an entire fan base….. whether emanating from one’s own fan base or that of a rival fan base.   Constipated comments rarely contain the proxy of anyone but the specific commentor.

As I watched this rather involved multi-layered promotion roll-out I kept having to remind myself “Baddour is NOT involved in any way, shape or form”.   That eventually got me comfortable that it just might be a success.  I mean “a real success” and not another Kool-Aid smothered institutional embarrassment like so many we have endured.

….. like when former N&O Editor Melanie Sill wrote me that The N&O’s coverage of The Duke Lacrosse Scandal was “Incredible”.   I replied “incredibly WHAT” and am still awaiting her reply.  It’s been six years.

If alls you care about was “who won the game” then the black unis and the t-shirts and the blue lighty things and the Franklin Street thingy et al don’t count.   Go ahead and cuss Vic Koenning and grumble and mumble and post your cyber constipation on some nitwitty monkey board and wallow in your own acid reflux.   Better you than me.

Yes, I am a traditionalist and “because it appeals to 17 y/os recruits” does kinda stick in my craw but I am a realist traditionalist too.   If the next time we have a Top Ten team “on the ropes” maybe those black unis will have brought us some nasty D-linemen at least almost as big as the opponents O-linemen.  “They” had us by about 30 lbs/man last night.  Maybe we (UNC) will have enough talent-on-the-hoof to match stride-stride with the “them” on a given Saturday (or Thursday night).  It’s 2013 and UNC’s stable simply lacks thoroughbreds.

Larry’s Fighting Fedorians fought better last night than ANYONE in Kenan or watching on TV thought they would for the first 57 minutes.   But “better” isn’t good enough in the “so, did you win or did you lose” end-game that men like Larry and Vic et al have chosen to engage in.  They are big boys.   But big boys hurt too.

Art and I had an AWESOME interview with Steve Logan.   Don’t invite Steve and Lou Holtz to the same tailgate.   Trust me….. don’t.   The audio of last night’s Good Sports should be on-line later Friday.


Part Two:   I like to kid myself that I understand “the Internet” and its harsh, unfair and totally predictable realities better than any one on RoyWillllthe face of the Earth.  Certainly better than Ol’ Roy at least.   A dyslexic guppy understands the Internet better than Roy.

Bless his heart…. any time Ol’Roy ventures beyond the tip of his own nose he is flying blind in uncharted waters.  His documented success in his coaching career, while worthy of an HoF berth, may not rise to genius level, he does repeatedly act like a genius savant…… totally clueless outside his specific bubble of interest.

How can a guy understand one occupation so well – coaching college basketball – yet totally lack any tactile sense for the world beyond his own locker room and court?  For me, obviously Roy is a veritable Godsend of bountiful column fodder.   Always has been…. and assuredly will be.  Place Roy in front of a live mic and you WILL, guaranteed, get something between a LuLu and an Oh My.

Some coaches, like Steve Spurrier, don’t necessarily script their sound bites but one gets the impression they conceived and weighed the impact of their words just a second or two before they said them…. and are playing their intended audience like YoYo Ma with his cello.

NOTE:  A nexus search reveals this IS the first time Steve Spurrier and YoYo Ma have appeared in the same paragraph.  Perhaps the last.   YoYo Ma is one of those name that tickles the end of your nose when you say it….. and who doesn’t like a tickle at the end of one’s nose.   Which brings us back to Roy never seeing beyond his…..

Roy’s latest “Awww Jeeezzz” involves, of course, “PJ”.   At ACC Basketball Media Day, Roy publicly lamented the amount of “Hatred” directed at PJ thru the Internet.


WHY Roy said it is, for us veteran Roy-watchers, just the latest “why does a dog lick itself?’

None of us, including AlGore, understands how the Internet works.   It just usually does unless you dump coffee on your keyboard or throw your monitor and modem out of a 3rd story window onto a paved parking lot.   How it works doesn’t matter any more than how photosynthesis and the oxygen/carbon dioxide cycle works…. or how Joe Biden got a heartbeat away from the nuclear football or how Barack Obama got the nuclear football….

I’m sure Roy does not know Twitter from a sweet potato or Facebook from Fred Flintstone….. or Fred Flintstone from a sweet potato.

ASIDE:  When Kid was around 11 or 12 we were standing in line at a McDonald’s and an “old guy” (about the age I am now…. OUCH!) was at the head of the line.  He studied the overhead menu for, seemingly hours, then asked the take-your-order girl “now, what exactly is a Big Mac?”  

Kid looked up at me with a greatly downsized version of how pedestrians outside The World Trade Towers might have looked when the first plane hit on 9/11/01.   “Did I just see/hear what I thought I saw/heard”.  …… “Dad, I think we need to get out of here ASAP.  I’m scared.”

We went across the street to a Burger King where everyone knew what a Whopper was.

I imagine that is how Roy must be whenever he ventures beyond his little basketball world or his favorite golf course….. the aforementioned “uncharted waters” at least for him.   He is mystified and confused by what the rest of us somehow “just know”.

PJ catching a lot of “hate” on the Internet is a “what’s a Big Mac?” kind of question.

Everything that has happened to PJ since Fats’ rented Yukon was pulled over that fateful late night in a Derm combat zone has been more predictable than Lindsay Lohan’s latest rehab….. including Roy’s “maybe this dead skunk will just go away if I leave it in the trunk”.

No Roy it won’t “just all go away” and the longer you “leave it in the trunk” the more likely the smell will be so intense you eventually have to drive the car into University Lake.

Who among us has not wished an unnecessary unfortunance in our lives would “just go away”.   And how many of said unnecessary unfortunances did so on their own?

Roy trying to martyrize PJ and create any version of a “poor poor PJ” is going to be a LOT tougher than Roy’s infamous encounter with the loud Presbyterian fan…. or his Jayhawk sticker….. or Bonnie Berstein…… or ….. or.  Choose your favorite “that time Roy _______”.

Roy trying to extricate himself from any sort of awesomely foolish dilemma of his on-making is akin to giving a kitten a twist-tie.

What seems so simple invariably turns into hours of mesmerizing delight watching that kitten…… or that HoF basketball coach…… bless his heart.

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