EXTRA! “Condi” and “Jack Halperin”

October08/ 2013

“They” so far only include David Pollack and Pat Dye (huh?) so lets not quite declare this is “representing a vast majority of….”.   Even Bill Barber requires a minimum of a dozen before he claims “a vast majority of”.  But since Condi is a well-known AfAm – Republican – Female we can expect a mini-media-groundswell.

Meanwhile another “ill wind” is ablowing those fabled “jerseys in the Dean Dome rafters”.   Hint to UNC’s latest celebrity-tutor Jack Halperin.  Jack, get a recent picture up on Google.   It might save you a lot of scrutiny or not……

I think it is just fine that Condoleezza Rice is being mentioned as a member of the “Pick The Four Teams” committee.   I have zero issues with her participation.  She is a very smart person capable of reaching a reasonable decision after reviewing pertaining data.DCC_TexieWaterman_curtain

I would have zero issues with Kate Upton, The Fabulous Moolah, or Texie Waterman being on the committee.  Texie died in 1996 but fundamentally changed football in the 1970s.  Google her for “how”.

NOTE:  If UNC was picking this committee it would be the usual “diverse” carney sideshow contingent of dwarfs, gays, gay dwarfs, cubans (not Mark), Gene Nichol’s bi-sexual cuzzin Phil/Phyllis, and two left-handed commanches.  Hopefully UNC alum and ESPN Big Guy John Skipper will not let UNC pick this committee.  Condi would NOT make any UNC list.

David Pollack seems to be a fine fellow among a bevy of “which one is he” ESPN ex-jocks turned on-air pundits.   I have no clue of his political persuasion or his “views on wimmen”.   I suspect he was just caught in an ad lib blurt not unlike Jimmy The Greek and Al Campanis were.   Alas….. the Internet carves on-air blurts in stone for posterity.  Just ask Jimmy and Al.

David Pollack’s blurt (LINK)

On-air ad lib blurts possess amazing magnetic properties.  They immediately attract other on-air blurts and they attract others….. and others….. and others.  And now I jump in too.

Between David’s blurt and now me, there was goofy ol’ Pat Dye.   Someone got to goofy ol’ Pat “at the home” between his tapioca pudding and his daily canasta game and sure enough…. Ol’ Pat embarrassed every employer he ever had including ECU, Auburn and Wyoming and everyone on Earth named “Pat” and “Dye”. ….. Pat Said (LINK).

Unless Condi Rice was an Auburn War Eagle-ette (hostess wink wink) in the mid 80s, the odds that Pat Dye has a clue who she is are immeasurable.  Like expecting Ol’ Roy to know who Joe Biden or Carol Folt is.

Now there’s a rush to find someone to say sumthin’ even more outrageous than what Ol’ Pat said.   There will be no shortage of contestants.

My favorite “why Condi is NOT qualified to be….”  is the assumption that “Athletic Directors” ARE qualified.   You know where I’m headed now, don’t you?   Sure you do.

Whatever the position in question….. if my choices are Condi Rice, Richard “Dickie” Baddour or a ficus plant; I go with Condi #1 and the ficus plant #2.   Dickie does not make my “short list”.

What about Frau?  Frau Yow is an AD who sits down to pee.  Does Frau get consideration?  Not by Pat Dye or David Pollack.

The whole concept of “a National Championship selection committee” was designed from the get-go to (1) stir up controversy and (2) meltdown monkey boards.

Right here in our backyard we have the poster boy for this controversy – Little Johnny Swofford.   Johnny passes goofy ol’ Pat’s litmus test.  He put his hand “in the dirt” back in North Wilkesboro in the early 60s and at Kenan.  He was a “big time AD” and is now “a big time commish” and there is nary a wuff breathing that would trust Mr Swofford to tell’em the time of day.

Unless Little Johnny picks America’s Team – The Wolfpack – every year, “get a rope” will be growled from the unfriendly confines of The Carter.

EVERY AD, Former AD, Commish, Former Commish, Coach, Former Coach, player, former player has his personal version of “Swofford-haters”.    You think ANYONE at Oklahoma will trust Tom Osbourne?   Anyone at Gainesville gonna trust Bobby Bowden?

Archie “freakin” Manning is on the list with Condi.  Just based on Archie’s sperm quality alone, he’s a lock for “the committee”.  Somewhere someone “hates Archie”.   I guarantee it!  Anyone you’ve heard of in sports has some bunch of constipated goobers somewhere that hates’em 24/7.

I think “the committee” should be about 17 members who rotate on/off in some fashion every year.   There should be “a few retired coaches”….. “a few administrators”…… “a few veteran sports media members”….. and “a few long time fans of college football”.   There should be geographic and allegiance factors considered to keep the scales as balanced as possible.  Lets NOT use the UNC BOG model.

I could devise a solid selection system inside of two hours; but I do not expect to be asked.   America’s loss.

One of the “fans of college football” chairs can be filled each year by a genuine goggle-eyed board monkey.  His/It’s selection to be via some silly American Idol on-line voting process.

Every member fills out one ballot with four names or maybe they do it like the Baseball Hall of Fame balloting which absolutely no one understands.  Total confusion offers endless column fodder for me.   And, of course, column fodder is always “what it is all about”.   Right?

I know your two questions:
(1) Does Prince Albert have a clue who “Condi” is?   No, but Mrs Prince Albert knows.
(2) Will Kennel claim “best friend” status with Condi?  Absolutely NOT.  She is 110% ideologically unsuitable for BK.


Just south of Franklin Street, yet another “tutor” emerges to tip over the outhouses, sacred cows, old wells and WhatHaveYous still standing.   Chapel Hill now has more celebrity-tutors than it has constipated old hippies and homeless ‘Nam vets.

Are those fabled “jerseys in the rafters” waving in this latest “ill wind”?  Could be!  Is the UNC camel’s back finally starting to bow under the weight of soooo many straws.

Add the name Jack Halperin to the daily prayer list of every embittered ABCer.   Prayers to keep Jack safe and sound until he can spill every single “bean” he knows from 23 years “inside the sausage factory” of Carolina Basketball.

Jack Halperin wrote…… LINK

Has the Franklin Street Mafia already issued a hit order on Jack?  Are gangs of C-blue-goggled goobers roaming Orange County for the head of anything attached to anyone named Jack?  Could be!

Will Jack Halperin sell his immortal soul for “Lasagna for Life @ Amedeo’s”?
Does PackPride already have a drone circling over Halperin’s house?  Yes, since 7:15 PM Friday night.

23 years of “up close & personal” to those “student-athletes” so revered and so defiled by area basketball enthusiasts.   How much does Jack know?   How much is Jack prepared to tell?   Did Jack realize his public letter to Roy would be just the beginning to his reign as Hero-Villain De Jour?

Jack, did Tyler Handbrough spell Poplar Bluff as Popular Bluff?  Just curious.

This isn’t “just about PJ” is it Jack?  Come on Jack…. “this” has to have been growing and gnawing inside you for multiple decades.

Jack “knew Julius”.  Jack “knew Deborah”.  Jack “knew Burgess”.   Heck….. maybe Jack “knew Fats” too.  If I was Jack Halperin I would not open anything that ticks or smells like dog poop for the next few years.

Anyone who thinks Jack’s notoriety is just gonna be 15 minutes REALLY doesn’t know his audience.  Jack Halperin, after only 48 hours, is already more famous than eight UNC Chancellors, every UNC Provost and 200+ biscuit boys.  Not to mention George Glamack, Hook Dillon and Don Eggleston.

Is Ol’ Roy’s F-it-ometer getting really close to red-lining?   All it might take is a posse of paparazzi chasing Roy on his daily noon-walk to ignite “a Roy said WHAT” that can’t just be laughed off as “Roy being Roy”.  Maybe Kirschy should lock Ol’ Roy in the DD basement for a month or so.

UNC Athletics is under attack on so many fronts right now, a fella gets whiplash trying to watch every arrow and every incoming missile.

I am reminded of the immortal words uttered on June 26, 1876 on the banks of the Little Big Horn River by George Armstrong Custer: – “Holy @&%$.  Where’d all these Indians come from?”

Or, as Dickie Baddour would have said: “Indians?  What Indians?  I don’t see any Indians.”

Don’t forget to Google Texie Waterman…… and stay tuned.

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