Did ya hear about “The Scholars” who….

September20/ 2013

Sure, we all get the heebie jeebies when we imagine Obama and His Godless Commie Crazies being in charge of America. That’s a very mature adult reaction. Bozo Joe Biden being POTUS if MichelleO ever whomps Baracky upside the haid with a fryin’ pan is scarier than the Russkies launching ICBMs at The Mall of The Americas….. but chill my fellow right-wing buddies and babes.

Did ya hear the one about “the Scholars” who……

A coven of “scholars” met this week in Chapel Hill to screech at one another about how much they really really hate Repubs, Christians, guns, cars, vouchers, heteros, red meat, FoxNews, TalkRadio, tackle football, rutabegas, Duck Dynasty, daily bowel movements, reruns of Andy Griffith, historical truth, attractive women, anyone named Thom who spells it with an “h”, NASCAR, “Popes” of all kinds, and one another.

Their full agenda of “EVERYTHING we really really hate” ran another 37 items but the convocation was late starting. It seems the meeting room was locked and the only keys anyone had were MENSA keys and they’re not worth squat since every “scholar” attending had one…. or said they did.

Once they did get the door opened, it took two blue-ribbon committees and one ad hoc committee to figure how to turn the lights on. They never did figure out the microphones so they all just yelled at one another.

Orange County Fire Marshall had agreed to waive their rule on the number of pretentious twits per acre in order for the meeting to be held.

“Scholar” is an effete term used by “effetes” to designate the effetest pinheads among a messa other pinheads. Those failing to be “scholarly” designated are immediately assigned to (1) go be in one of Big Bad Bill Barber’s mini-mobs or (2) go squat somewhere with a misspelled sign in front of a dim-witted info-babe with a camera.

IF they can prove they’ve “done” three Barber mini-mobs they can reapply to be “a scholar”. Unless they drive an SUV which pretty much blows any chance of ever being “a scholar”. Going to see a Fast & Furious movie gets demerits too…. or knowing who Tim Tebow is.

You can see why they prize being so recognized among their fellow pinheads so highly.

Infamous Morehead “Scholar” Haley Koch was NOT in attendance. Haley is now a hard-core porn “star” named Chloe Camille and was “on location” for her next film.

While all the attending scholars quickly agreed that they really really hated all those things listed above, the meeting turned into the usual scholarly Tower of Babel when….. two loonies from Duke accused a geek from Davidson of “praying” during a particularly heated debate.

The Davidson nitwit swore he was “dozing” and not “praying” but the two Duke whistle-blowers demanded he be stoned-to-death for not being sacrilegious enough to suit them…… another blue-ribbon committee was quickly formed to “go get the stones”.

The Head Scholar Emeritus aka “Mr Big” suggested a brief de-convening for everyone to un-constipate. Alas….. within ten minutes the entire herd of cats had fled in 26 different geographical directions.

The time & place of the Next Meeting Of The Scholars will be as soon as the hospitality committee can get Jim Goodmon to spring for the crudite.

I do hope you have enjoyed this most un-scholarly treatise about “scholars”.

Un-Scholarly Yours,

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Tags: ,
Notify of
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x