Being Paranoid Doesn’t Mean…..

September20/ 2013

There is an old saying from either Descartes or Ludlow Porch – “Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean someone is not out to get you.”  

Around these parts the phrase “knee-jerk paranoid” is as synonymous with one fan base as “pathologically arrogant” is of that other one.   Last night on a Chamber of Commerce evening at The Carter, the home fan base took a triple-shot of paranoia right in the chops….. and it wasn’t Jim Knight OR Ron Cherry who done it.

Blondie doesn’t give a hoot or a holler about the local sports scene.  She’s way too busy exposing left-wing absurdities and begging Guv PatMc to get at least ONE person with political instincts in his inner circle.   She thinks State’s “This Is Our State” is the greatest ad slogan since Dallas’ “America’s Team”.   It IS a Good One.

That said….. she got about as mad last night as she would if John McCain and Jim Goodmon showed up on our front porch selling magazine subscriptions.  Only about three of you “get that” odd combination but all three of you just hooted.

It was a PERFECT evening.  Nothing could be any betterer than the hospitality of our Vaughn Towers hosts, but the weather and that bee-yotiful Harvest Moon was purty darn close.

Did I mention we were in stately Vaughn Towers?  “Smack dab on the 50” in comfy cushioned seats  WITH cupholders and with dozens and dozens of incredibly sincere red-attired folks saying how happy they were we were there and was there anything they might do to improve upon the perfection of our accommodations.   If I’d asaid “fluff up my pillow and peel me a grape” someone woulda been right there to do it.

Our gracious host was a former Wolfpack Club prez who did NOT major in Leisure Studies whilest matriculating on The Brickyard back in the day.  Like all (?) of Jimmy V, Chuck Amato and Gott’s student-athletes he also DID major in one of those “hey this is hard” Engineering disciplines.

Alls he asked in return for his hospitality was for me to tell a few “Dickie was so clueless that ______” jokes and to reenact the scene in that Chicago hotel suite when BOTBob and his Fat Ram cronies lit the fuse with The Butcher that would eventually blow The Carolina Way to smithereens.  I threw in a few “PJ & Fats” and one “then Jim Martin said _____” bit as a bonus.  Hey, we wanna be invited back some day.

Oh…. Gott did come hurrying in right before kick-off.  Jim Harrick was NOT with him nor was his wife…. nor anyone’s elses’ wife.

Perfect mid-September evening….. beautiful moon….. perfect hosts….. and the freakin’ card stunts even worked.   My host was sweating bullets on the card stunts.  From stately Vaughn Towers we had a perfect view of whatever was going to emerge and he knew I was taking CarterCardnotes.   Both Mr Wuff and This Is Our State worked!   I’d say as impressive as that Wolfpack Sports Hall of Fame ceremony last Fall.   These things happened on Frau’s watch and the “on his/her watch” rule always applies.  Kudos to Madame Yow.

See that pimple on Mr Wuff’s nose?
That’s 58WolfKennel!  Really!

Of the capacity crowd darn nearly everyone but maybe 6-7 folks were wearing RED or the few 1,000 in Orange.  Coach Dave had to be impressed with that.

The list of “perfects” kinda ran out after that.   If Head Dawg Mark Richt was watching and I assume he was, he had to be saying “that IS NOT the same Fighting Dabos we played in Death Valley three weeks ago”.   If these were the same Fighting Dabos then Dave Who’s Wuffs are an awakening sleeping giant.   They aren’t.

If that orange-clad bunch last night was America’s 3rd best College Football Juggernaut then Mack Brown wins COY and Joe Biden has a brain.

Being actually “there” I’m not sure what all happened on at least three key plays that chopped the hapless home team off at the knees.   Being “there” I could sense that one more “Ref Rob Us” and it coulda gotten scary.   The Carter PA guy announced at least four times that “charging the field and disemboweling a zebra” is strictly forbidden “but if they job us one more time all bets are off”.

Did it rise to the level of Don Denkinger’s blown call in the 1985 6th game Royals v Cardinals World Series?  Probably not…. unless one is a State fan.

As noted, Blondie got as mad as any lifelong Wuffie…. and she don’t know TA McLendon from Dudley Bradley’s mamma.   Her beloved St Louis Cards had just lost in 15 innings so she had some pent-up angst to release.  She was releasing……

Jim Knight is still retired and unless Ron Cherry has had a facial-bleaching it wasn’t him as Head Ref.  Coulda been Karl Hess I reckon.  I’ve yet to see a stop-frame of the phantom “step-out” on Underwood’s scamper.   I did notice a guy right near where it supposedly happened that looked a bit like Little Johnny Swofford but he was wearing a ski-mask and Groucho glasses so it was hard to tell….. but maybe.

I guess IT’S POSSIBLE that all three of the heartbreak calls against the Home Team were legit.   And it’s possible Ol’ Roy really was too busy to talk with Jim Martin….. but……

My hosts, and everyone I spoke with in stately Vaughn Towers pre-game, came expecting a whuppin’ from The Fighting Dabos.    I asked if they had expected a whuppin’ last year from the Fighting Jimbos From Tallyhassy and they said not as much as they were dreading last night.

Reverse the three sucker-punch calls and do Wuffs Win- Wuffs Win?   Impossible to say but I’m sure a faction of scary loonie fringers deep in the bowels of Reynolds Coliseum ARE saying “HELL YES”.

How UNimpressive were The Fighting Dabos?   Going down the elevator from stately Vaughn Towers I heard one mumble from the rear of the car….. “Bring back Danny Ford!”  I SWEAR….. True Story!

So my terminally paranoid Wuff friends (and otherwise)…… Last night – “Someone WAS out to get you…. and got you”

How ugly was last night’s officiating? …… About as ugly as Carolina’s uniforms so far this season.   A clever sequeway to…….

Heels Invade Historic Bobby Dodd / Grant / The Varsity on Peachtree Whatever tomorrow AFTER yet another Incredible Good Sports at 10 AM on 97.9 FM.   Art and I taped an interview Thursday with UNC Defensive Coor Vic Koenning that may be one of the Four Greatest Sports Interviews in History.   Phyllis George asking Roger Staubach about his sex life being All Time #1.

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