Rimshots: 04/19/13

May19/ 2013

Larry Brown to SMU
…… Any of you who figured the “Suitcase” Larry Brown’s Traveling Roadshow was done – YOU LOSE!  Basketball’s most well-traveled vagabond is getting his passport stamped one more time – SMU.  Out with one itinerant Tar Heel and in with another – By By Matt …. Hello Larry.
Irony!  Recall back when “Roy said no”?  Sure you do.  When Ol’ Huckleberry swore he was A Jayhawk For Life, the ensuing Who Now? included everyone from Dr Naismith to Rick Majerus to Adolph Rupp’s cable guy…. and Larry “Suitcase” Brown.  He was considered “too old” back then.
There was a time in the 90s when Larry’s name surfaced for any job from coach of the Upper Volta Olympic team to Ross Perot’s running mate. And Ol’ Larr took every one of those jobs at least for a week or so.
Irony (again)!  Larry is now renting the SMU Basketball gig recently snatched from Matt Doherty.  How old is Larry?   Older than the combined ages of his starting five and first two guys off the bench.
FWIW…. Larry is NOT “the oldest Larry” coming to Dallas this summer.  Larry “JR Ewing” Hagman is coming back for a Dallas revival.
Every Larry New Hire is soon followed by “Larry starts crying then Larry quits”.   The speculation for that has already begun.  I put my $5 on January 12 at halftime of the game with Lamar…….

The Further Perils of Petrino
….. Ya just had to figure there was more to come with The Perils of Petrino.  Since last we checked:
Jessica Dorrell was NOT Bobby’s first wayward adventure – SURPRISE!  At least one more has emerged.  A “former model in Little Rock”.  Wanna bet there will be others?
Jessica, bless her heart, was engaged to ANOTHER Univ of Ark coach before the one she might still be but probably isn’t engaged to now.  Every coach in Fayetteville who has NOT “known Jessica” please raise your hand.  Please…. raise your hand.  Oh…..
What’s next for Jessica…. nude spread in Maxim ??…. Dancing With The Stars ??…. GoDaddy spokestrollop??…. Antonio Cromartie baby mamma (keep reading)??
TRUE STORY:  A Razorback Mega-Fat Cat has donated $1,000,000 to build The Jeff Long Center for ADs With a Pair.  YIKES!  That is even cooler than The Dickie Baddour Center for ADs With No Clue.
Nope, I ain’t never gonna run out of column fodder.

12 with 8
….. Sean Kemp did hold the record for pro sports lowlife with most chillen by the most baby mammas.  Move over Sean and Hello Antonio Cromartie.
The NY Jets lockerroom now houses Tim Tebow and Antonio.  Between Tim and Antonio, they have sired TWELVE children by EIGHT different females.  Since Tim is still a virgin, you can figure how many of those are Antonio’s.
When you do figure, tell Antonio.  He’s lost count.  Luckily his accountant knows so’s he can mail the support checks. When asked how many of the children and/or mammas he could name, Antonio said “some”.
Sports trivia:  If you multiply Antonio Cromartie’s number of baby mammas by Larry Brown’s number of coaching jobs you get the gross attendance for all WNBA games ever played.

Now For The Good News!

A Total Goosebump Experience
…… Nobody Nowhere Does Pomp & Ceremony better than the US Military.  Earlier this week Blondie and I were front row VIPs at a Change of Command Ceremony at Ft Bragg.  It was a Total Goosebump Experience.
 Colonel James Raymer assumed command of the 20th Engineer Brigade (Combat).
We were on hand as surrogates for a very special BobLeeBuddy you know as CNR.  “CNR” was back home in Beaumont, TX so we stood in.   Colonel Raymer is one of “Coach Reed’s Boys”.  I say “boy” but Col. James Raymer is 100% all man – All American Man in every sense of the word.
I peeved a few of you by comparing Larry Fedora’s handshake and demeanor to “a SEAL”.  72 hours after a handshake from Larry Fedora I shook the hand of “a for-real Army Ranger”.  Col. Raymer was an honor graduate of West Point in 1989….. since then he has accumulated a curriculum vitae of such incredible merit you would not believe.
I will put Colonel James Raymer’s CV up against any fifty faculty members at any dozen universities in America.  Give those pencil-necked geeks a 90 yard head start in a 100 yard race…. and Colonel Raymer will be waiting for them at the finish line with a steely-eyed stare that would give a Taliban terrorist nightmares.
We weren’t real sure what to expect as a young corporal led us to our “front row” seat in the reviewing stand.  Our names on the seats and everything.   We kinda figured it would include at least one John Philip Sousa march and lots of very very impressive members of The United States Army.  It did and it did.
Yes, they played the Wolfpack fight song…. but they call it “The Army Song”.
As we watched the awesome ceremony on the parade ground under a Fayetteville Chamber of Commerce weather day; I thought for about six seconds of the scraggly bunch of “occupiers” who took over an abandoned drug store in Carrboro last month.  Then I concentrated on several 100s ramrod straight paragons of bravery and courage arrayed in front of us.
I don’t know how many of those men and women have had their boots on the ground in Afghanistan, Iraq, and other really scary places but I suspect about 100% and most more than once.   Col. Raymer has many times.
These are perilous times for this country and for the world.  You do what you do…. Me?  I write silly stuff that hopefully lightens your daily burdens now and again….. The men & women of the United States military!   What they do and how they do it – Wow!

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