It could be that wonderful….. EXCEPT

April23/ 2013

April is AgentPierce Visits UNC@CH Month. Circumstance and BobLee’s F-150 keep transporting me to that lizard’s lair of pomposity, arrogance, pseudo-intellectual flatulence and very few parking places….. I glean insights with each visit. Gleaning insight and reporting my gleanings is what provocative pundits do. Here is my most recent glean…..

“Junior Day” at UNC@CH. BobLee’s niece Grace and Grace’s mom and dad came from St Louis to check out Flagship U for possible matriculation in Fall 2014.

“UNC Junior Day for Swimmers”. In addition to being VERY bright, charming, attractive and incredibly well-mannered; Grace is also a heckuva high school swimmer. So heckuva that UNC’s swim staff invited her to make “an unofficial visit” to get a touchy feel for UNC@CH as they approach time for selecting a college. 50+ of Grace’s well-chlorinated peers from across the country were on-hand Saturday morning.

Grace and her parental entourage were staying with BobLee & Blondie. BL asked me to chauffer / chaperone them to Chapel Hill. He had already been “over there” twice that week. The border guards on 15-501 were getting suspicious.

To avoid faculty evil-eyes, I figured to disguise myself by filing my teeth to a point, sticking my head up my butt to create extreme constipation, and practice saying “Dumplin and Joe Biden are too smarter than pea gravel”…. but BobLee finagled me a 24-hour visa. He knows some guy named “Bubba”.

I asked BL if I could wear my Rush Is Right hoodie. He said “Sure, and maybe stick a lighted flare down your pants too.” Har har har…..

The UNC Natatorium (fancy name for swimming pool) is next door to Dean’s Dome. That’s where the orientation was held….. in The Skipper Bowles Room. The presentation by the UNC Swim Staff was awesome. Great guys and gals with no discernable ideological bent!

There was a power-point presentation and remarks by 4-5 staffers…. politely low-key but very enthusiastic and appropriate to the demographics of the audience.

A representative of UNC’s Leadership Academy’s mention of the Richard “Dickie” Baddour Lobby to The Leadership Academy coincided with “something caught in my throat” causing a coughing jag. I caught a few snarky glances but was not asked to leave the room.

This is an annual well-honed event. Each UNC sport conducts a similar presentation as do their competitors across the country.

Swimmers are a clannish lot with practice schedules that tend to segregate them from typical students. Their sport instills time-management discipline so scholastic achievement is the norm. Grace is math/science oriented with Pharmacy being her interest as a 17 y/o. UNC has a fine Pharmacy / Health Sciences program. The faculty nut jobs don’t slither too much in that area.

Niece Grace was feeling very warm & fuzzy about the whole shebang as, no doubt, were her peers and their parents. I was feeling it too….. and I knew what was NOT being mentioned.

UNC@CH’s is a beautiful campus. Their physical facilities, including swimming, are outstanding. Chapel Hill is the quintessential “college town”. We had lunch at Mickey Ewell’s Spankys and ambled along fabled Franklin Street.

A Chamber of Commerce Day in The Southern Part of Heaven. “Heaven” = A mythical nirvana sought by ignorant Bible-toting Tea Party crazies ??

TeamGrace will be taking similar visits to other schools over the next 6-8 months. This UNC visit has set the bar really high for others to try to match. Being out-of-state, and with swimming “scholarships” being minimal, there are financial considerations. UNC@CH for out-of-staters is in the high 30s-40 $$$ range.

Absorbing what TeamGrace was absorbing I had one nagging question:

This place could be as wonderful as it’s superficial veneer; EXCEPT so many in its administration and faculty insist on publicly spewing their abject hatred for 45% of America. …… their unceasing screeds of toxic venom protected from any rebuttal by aggressive “thought-police”.

Gene Nichol, Hodding Carter, Lloyd Cramer, Judith Blau, Ferrell Guillory and their beady-eyed ilk are encouraged to spew their venom, at taxpayers’ expense. Rebuttal of their toxic hate prohibited by administrative decree. Alas and sigh….. freedom of thought and speech verboten in The Southern Part of Heaven(?).

Fortunately swimmers are underwater much of the time where those hateful screeds can be drowned out. And boy swimmers do look like “real boys” not genderless Biebers.

If Niece Grace does matriculate at UNC@CH; me, BobLee and Blondie will take turns keeping those LibDem Kooties off of her.

Does Speedo makes a political HazMat suit?

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