Two Flats & Only One Spare

February26/ 2013

I used an analogy recently that my ideal political scenario was “gridlock” – aka “stuck on the side of the road with two flats and one spare” while both sides scream themselves hoarse blaming the other. That struck a cord with many of you. I am a registered Republican because the only viable alternative is the intellectual equivalent of “poking myself in the eye with a long-handled barbecue fork”. Who in their right mind would opt for that?……

Sure, I know people who opt for that alternative which is why I included that “in right mind” disclaimer.

Please…. you Ron Paul disciples; DON”T CALL ME. And you Flat Earth Society folks and Libertarians and Whigs, Tories, Area 51ers and any Ross Perot-ites still on the loose. Let me sit here on the curb of the Great Cyber Highway and write my little column…. ridiculing every flatulent knee-jerk from anything remotely connected to Obama, Clinton, Democrat, Liberal, Progressive or whatever new collective noun they are hiding behind this week.

Politicians ?? I count maybe four that I would trust to babysit or be a godparent. That leaves a LOT of politicians out there that I don’t trust further than I could throw William Howard Taft.

A Chapel Hill mega-Liberal acquaintance chided me recently over the latest inane remarks by John McCain….. assuming I was a loyal McCainiac. That’s how mega-Liberals think apparently.

In truth I put McCain in the same “thimbleful of warm spit” I put most all of his D-politicians and most of my R’s. I explained that in 2008 I did not vote FOR McCain but, like every Repub I know including Cyndi McCain, voted AGAINST Obama. McCain was Bob Dole without Dole’s “charisma”. …..This is a funny story, right? It gets much funnier.

The Chapel Hill mega-Lib who chided me (erroneously) over McCain was a very passionate “early insider” for John Edwards. YES….. THAT John Edwards. An insider Johnny-boy who wrote A LOT of checks to Reille’s Boy Toy…. chiding my (“you Republicans”) specious judgment in politicians?? Bwahahaha. You can’t make this stuff up.

This silly story plays to my main point that my side’s politicians ain’t all that whippy…. until they are compared to the Democs motley collection of mis-fit toys, flim flammers and 5-Star nutjobs.

“Hi, I’m Harry. Hi, I’m Nancy. We’re the best our side’s got along with Joe.”

In the Land of The Blind the politician without too many felony convictions is King.

A liberal pitching his wacky belief system at me is like a Viet Namese waiter suggesting I try the filet of cocker spaniel. No thank you.

“What we got now” works so long as neither side has enough clout to really screw things up to any degree. Both sides on the side of the road yelling over the “two flats & only one spare”.

My website compadre BobLee has a great phrase he uses for sports fan bases:

IF All of Them are Like The Worst of Them…..
and IF All of Us are Like the Best of Us.

THEN Us are Lots better than Them.

The idiocy of that axiom says it all. Every sports fan base and every political party has a sub-basement stocked full of truly insane humanoids with the common sense and social skills of “a booger”. Arguments might get heated over who has the most boogers in their sub-basement but after “a whole lot of’em” it doesn’t really matter that much.

I am a Conservative Because:
God made me smart enough to realize… I’m not nearly as smart as I think I am.

NOTE: BobLee is not the only one around here who thinks in bumpersticker-speak.

I’ve yet to meet a Liberal that is wired that way and darn few Conservatives which is why I’m not much of “a group joiner”. But I sure do respect your right to do so….. unless its a left-wing wacko group.

I say there’s not a lot of difference between the parties rank/file. Then I walk down Franklin Street in Chapel Hill and get that “checking-in to The Bates Motel” feeling. Sca-reeeee. I digress.

These days I get the heebie jeebies because their latest goggle-eyed messiah – Obama – may have cultivated enough mind-numb media flunkies to take a real swing at full information-control….. sending the whole shootin’ match over the cliff ala Thelma & Louise.

If this jug-eared Kenyan cowboy gets all his wishes we can turn out the lights ‘cause the Great American Experiment joins the Romans, Persians, Hittites, Nazis and Mongols in the junkyard of ideological trainwrecks. Has he successfully cultivated enough dead-eyed lemming to permanently gum-up the works? Maybe.

Again…. I don’t want “us” Repubs in control either.
I want gravity and inertia in charge.

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Notify of
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x