Shucks Dumplin’; T’weren’t nuthin!

January19/ 2013

The tangible rewards for an Internet provocateur are nice (….. being threatened, called really nasty names and having one’s mamma cyber-defiled) but the real home-run for my ilk is to be credited with mortally wounding the self-righteous, overly pious, faux-intellectual snoots and snootettes of the Lib/Dem political gang. On Thursday past, former Governor Dumplin’ Perdue paid me such a high compliment. ……. Aw shucks Dumplin’; t’weren’t nutin’. It was my pleasure.

In her new role as One & Done Dumplin’, Bevie-Poo is making the rounds of her most devoted disciples for the sycophantic adulation she so craves. High on that list would, of course, be the UNC J-School where Dumplin’ visited Thursday. She enraptured her audience of future Helen Thomas’ and Laura Leslies with thrilling accounts of all the hurdles she hurdled and all the glass ceilings she shattered….. AND:

“…. all the unfair abuse I endured from social media, the “blogosphere” and the 24/7 news cycle.” .

YeeeHAAA! That be ME (among several others).

Those eeeevil bloggers, cried dear dear poor poor lil’ Dumplin, “…. were totally responsible for my (record-breaking) low public approval ratings.”

HOW LOW were Dumplin’ Approval Ratings? They were soooo low that they garnered national attention and became the standards for other politicians’ low approval as in…… “Yes, Blogo is unpopular for all his felonious shenanigans blah blah blah…. BUT he’s not as unpopular as that bottle-blond twit in North Carolina. The one they call “Dumplin’….”.

Me Myself, and I was the eeeeevil blogger and N&O commentor to popularize her “Dumplin’ sobriquet, I knew the lil’ whiner was talking about yours truly.

Blaming everyone but herself qualifies Bev for membership in the Every Democrat Politician Who Has Ever Been Run Out Of Office Club. Never never never accept responsibility for one’s own failures. Their “low information” constituents will slurp up whatever BS gruel their media co-horts feed’em.

As I remind one and all, I did NOT create her apt nickname – Lil’ Dumplin’. She was labeled “Lil Dumplin’” by her very own kind – Marc Basnight, Tony “Boss Hogg” Rand and the rest of that gang of GOBs (Good Ol’ Boys) in the pre-Repub take-over days on Jones Street. ‘Twas they, not I, that considered Beverly Perdue as “that bubblehead blond joke that we pretend actually matters….”.

After being a crowd-twinkie at countless BBQ fund raisers “downeast”, Bevie-Poo flitted and flirted her way into the periphery of power in NC politics of the Democratic persuasion. I maintain it was her recipe for Rice Krispie Treats that gained her recognition but I can’t get Marc or Big Tony to confirm….. or to deny it.

Proving herself able to take orders without question and to serve as a “don’t you dare pick on the girl” human shield for flim flam legislation, Basnight’s Gang chose Bevie to follow “the trainwreck known as Easley” in 2008. Any dim-witted dust bunny in ratty bedroom slippers would “look good” compared to Sleazy&Mary. It didn’t hurt that Bevie-Poo grabbed on to Obama’s coattails and hung on for dear life. Voila – North Carolina had its first she-Governor since Reconstruction.

OK, ….. before or since Reconstruction.

Alas for New Guvvy Dumplin’, her GOB mob bosses were not so lucky. When she unpacked in The Mansion she found all her bodyguards had lost their re-election bids. Dumplin was all alone against eeeeevil Thom Tillis, eeeevil Phil Berger and, of course we must never forget, the most eeeeevil Art Pope. Mr Pope held no office but, according to The N&O, is the sinister Mr Big behind the Repub curtain.

In her remarks at UNC on Thursday, Dumplin’ claimed she will “be known as the governor who transformed this state”. Even her disciplettes snickered a bit at THAT ONE….. snicker, snort, twitter, giggle.

Installing a bidet in her private office bathroom being her definition of “transform”. OooooKay!

Being THE FIRST Democratic Governor of any gender to be resoundingly booed in The Dean Dome just a mile south of where she was praising herself was not listed among her accomplishments. Nor were her nationally publicized remarks at the Cary Rotary Club where she proposed the 2012 elections be postponed indefinitely….. until she could actually accomplish something.

One&Done Dumplin’ also regaled her audience of enraptured junior-journalettes that:

“I find myself sometimes, even now, in rooms of guys where I’m the only woman, and that is tiresome to me,”.

My first thought was – Yikes, as a former governor, should you be working stag parties at the New Bern Elks Lodge? I mean REALLY?

My second thought was – Bev, if it says MEN on the door and you see urinals lined up across the backwall, say “oops” and retreat ASAP.

Jeeezzzz, where did they find this dingbat? And she actually got to ride around in state-owned helicopters for four years and have Highway Patrolmen get her doughnuts too. ??? Oops, my bad. I promised myself I would not mention “highway patrolmen” when discussing Dumplin’s political career. Another wink-wink for Lil’ Dumplin.

Anyhoo, I want to thank Dumplin’ for crediting me, AgentPierce, publicly, if obliquely, for running her crying and whining out of North Carolina politics. …. t’weren’t nuthin’. My pleasure.

PS: A plate of her infamous Rice Krispie Treats would be a nice “Thank You AgentPierce”. Don’t you think?

PPS: Q: Why do I take gender-based “cheap shots” at Dumplin’? A: Because “being NC’s first woman Governor” is her ONLY true “accomplishment” after four years of whining excuses, pratfalls and malapropisms. “Joe Biden in panty-hose” ain’t exactly Indira Ghandi or Margaret Thatcher.

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