Enviro-whackos follow their assorted “gurus-de-jour” with a singleminded loyalty usually seen only in migrating wildebeasts and lemmings going over the cliff. Nothing sends an enviro-whacky into a cross-eyed orgasm quite like “a leading scientist now says ________”….. UNLESS said leading scientist now says “Oops, I was wrong. It’s OK to eat apples and drive a Hummer.” One recently did…… apples and drive a Hummer.” One recently did……
One of the best gigs “going” is anointing oneself as a “leading scientist” and proclaiming that something normal folks like and use a lot is now officially (according to you) “bad for us”. The only requirement to do so is manufacturing a fictional set of credentials that involve pretentious academies in mythical countries that either The Marx Brothers or Monty Python made up.
The Duchy of Grand Fenwick is my personal favorite. Surely the good burgermeisters of Grand Fenwick have an Institute For The Advancement of Fradulent Science & Nail Salon. Imagine a Bond villain’s hollowed-out volcano with Asian extras running around in multi-colored jumpsuits.
Borrow Grand Fenwick’s official seal (it costs $3.00 to rent it for 48 hours) and insert it into your landmark “paper” on BlahBlahYaddaYadda. Before you can say “Is Algore still fat with that silly beard?” you will receive a visit from Sean Penn and an invitation to be on The View.
When said pretentious goober with his made-up Chicken Little Proclamation is (1) exposed as just another pretentious goober or (2) receives a Bill Gates grant for a billion dollars; he often breaking out laughing and admits:
“I was just funnin’. Ingesting copious amounts of mercury and asbestos actually cures male pattern baldness and makes men, and aggressive lesbians, irresistible to NFL cheerleaders.”
Recently a enviro-whacko guru did indeed admit “Maybe I was a tad aggressive in my doomsday prediction.”
It seems Earth as a planet is safe for another bazillion years….. it is Detroit, and Pauley Shore’s acting career, that are pretty well shot to hell.