Screaming GERONIMO, Dumplin’ Bails Out….

January25/ 2012

NC Governor Bev “Dumplin’” Perdue screamed “GERONIMO” today and bailed out. Bev pulled the rip cord on her 2012 re-election campaign….. already in free fall. Other than a 3-year train wreck administration that only a McClatchy reporter could praise – was “being booed in Chapel Hill recently” the knock-out punch for the flirty little cream puff once known as Barbecue Bev?

Obama needs North Carolina so he didn’t need Dumplin’ dragging him down. He has enough trouble running from his own train wrecks. The Chosen One’s thumbprint is all over this.

Two weeks ago Dumplin’ made a public appearance in THE #1 Haven for any Liberal Democrat – on the UNC campus at Chapel Hill. Before the Dean Dome announcer could get out the final “….due” the boos were bouncing off the rafters in a volume usually reserved for guys named Krzyzewski.

Dumplin’ booed in Chapel Hill is like Obama being mugged in South Chicago. Bev immediately reserved a U-Haul and starting buying boxes and packing tapes. The countdown has begun on her remaining nights in The Mansion.

It was never suppose to turn out this way for little Dumplin’ from New Bern. Bev’s political rise and fall began 20+ years ago as a Democratic “party girl” at party fundraisers Downeast. “Barbecue Bev” was a fixture at political fetes at country clubs and gated coastal enclaves. Flitting about and adroitly avoiding the hungry hands of leacherous liver-spotted liberals Bev paid her dues…. earning her official nickname of “Dumplin’.

While I use the term derisively here, “Dumplin’ was given to her as a “pet name” by the Good Old Boys (GOBs) in the backrooms of the General Assembly. For 20 years “Jones Street” was the personal fiefdom of Marc Basnight (Duke of Dare), Tony “Boss Hogg” Rand and Jim “The Bag Man” Black.

As Bev moved up the ladder in state Dem circles she would flit about various committee meetings and legislative gatherings. “Dumplin’, sweetie, howsabout freshening up our iced tea. And could you make us some more of those Rice Krispy Treats?” “Sure, Mr Speaker, coming right up.” “You’re the best, Dumplin’.”

Lt Governor was “perfect” for her. Someone got her a box to stand on and a little pink gavel to use as Pres Pro Temp of the Senate. “The Easleys” ran their scams for eight years, then the plan was for Dumplin’ to move in to the Big Boy Chair. With the GOBs calling all the shots…..

….. the only decision Dumplin’ was suppose to make as Governor was picking out the curtains for the guest bedroom at The Mansion.

“Just sign this Dumplin’ honey. No need to read it.” Then “it” all began to unravel…..

Yes, Dumplin’ rode in on Obama’s coattails but the GOBs all got tossed out, or least were castrated of their power. Black was already making license plates in a federal pen. Basnight and Rand were shredding documents and burying skeletons trying to avoid for-certain scandals of their own. “Dirtier than the back of your refrigerator” was the way one insider described Marc & Tony’s operation.

Imagine Marc & Tony as pilot and co-pilot of the State Democratic Machine’s plane with little Dumplin’ playing stewardess with her plate of Rice Krispy Treats. Suddenly the pilot and co-pilot bail out with a quick “it’s all yours Dumplin’. Ciao baby!”

Unlike those Airport disaster movies, there was no George Kennedy in the tower to teach Dumplin’ how to land the plane. ….. so she just circled the field until she ran out of fuel and crashed …. today.

Speaking of airplanes…. like her predecessor – Mike Easley – Dumplin’ played loosey-goosey with her campaign finances. First exposed by Don “Kolchak” Carrington of The Carolina Journal and proven to be so blatant that even GangMcClatchy was forced to report it. Dumplin’ and her New Bern buddy “Buzzy” Stubbs should be receiving subpoenas any day now.

Perhaps Dumplin’ can get Butch Davis to teach her that “really, I didn’t know nuthin’ about nuthin’ no way no how….”. When Dumplin’ flashes her patented “deer in the headlights look” she might be able to sell it. If not, there’s always those Rice Krispy Treats to fall back on.

Historians will record: Beverly “Dumplin” Perdue was the first NC Governor to wear a teddy and bunny slippers…… that we know of.

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