His name was Walter Winchell. His catch phrase was – “Good evening Mr. and Mrs. America from border to border and coast to coast and all the ships at sea. Let’s go to press.” He would then read each of his stories with a staccato delivery at an average rate of 197 words per minute, noticeably faster than the typical pace of American speech.
We borrow Walter’s staccato delivery as we cover today’s news.
Dateline: DALLAS: Metroplex bon vivanting QB Tony Romo announced impending nuptials last week. Candice Crawford is the designated Dallas damsel. Candice attended Mizzou and shared J-school classes with “Kid”.
A former Miss Missouri, Candice “was really really nice but dropped celebrity names a lot and has had work done. “ according to our correspondent on the scene. The correlation between “being nice” and “having work done” was left to the imagination.
Dateline: COLLEGE PARK: The light has gone out on The Fridge? The rotund coach at The U of MD is out. Maryland Trustee “the Under Armour guy” is close with Mike Leach. Leach’s Flying Circus may be headed to Terp Town.
As another ACC school has learned, Trustees have a great deal of influence in matters involving football coaches. The Fridge’s departure leaves ECU’s Ruffin McNeil (Maryland’s bowl opponent) as the most obese coach on the Eastern Seaboard.
Dateline: BOWL GAMES: The old bowl game ticket flim flam is finally being exposed. The BCS system exists because conferences and their member institutions have always protected the “bowl system”. The bowls return that kindness by totally screwing the fans of bowl participants.
Bowl teams are obligated to guarantee the sales of 15-20,000 tickets plus X # of hotel rooms. That’s fine except the seat locations are crappy and way over-priced. Fans can either support their school’s booster club and end up in crappy seats or do better by buying direct from the Bowl and/or ticket brokers. Conferences / schools need to pressure bowl promoters to provide better seats or to hell with the whole concept.
Currently the best seats are parceled out to corporate sponsors who give them to customers who could care less about the stoopid meaningless game. Loyal fans who spend significant money to attend these stoopid meaningless games should be treated better.
Dateline: STORRS: Gino Auriama’s Lady UConn Huskiettes have won 80-some games in a row with no end in sight to their win streak. BIG WHOOP! Now in their 60s, Wooden’s UCLA teams could still spot Gino’s girls 19 in a game of 21 and beat’em 21-19. …. “like watching boys knit”
Dateline: CHAPEL HILL: The Winter Solstice has arrived and The Pale Rider remains firmly entrenched as UNC FB coach. Our prediction of Butch’s removal underestimated BOTBob Winston’s determination to have UNC pursue football prominence at the risk of its institutional integrity. Institutional integrity is over-rated.
Big Time College Football is a hazardous undertaking but UNC is under taking it. Damn those hazards. Full speed ahead. Young people matriculate at those SEC schools year after year and go forth to lead productive lives. Such will be the case at UNC. UNC students, in general, overcome the Gene Nichol-types and will overcome the Butch Davis’ too.
The hypocrisy and spiraling costs of playing BCS poker will further inflate and spiral. That’s a given. In high schools across America the next generations of Marvin Austins are learning to tweet. Players From Mars ….. Fans From Venus. Those different cultures will grow further apart.
Dateline: RALEIGH: PackNation will not be receiving their #1 Christmas wish – the implosion of Kenan Stadium and the salting of its hallowed turf. Anything less will assure wails of UNFAIR …. The Fix Is In! The transgressions were never as trivial as UNC touted nor as severe as NCStaters wish they were.
Dateline: LEARFIELD: The Art Chansky Matter is not that clandestine or complicated. Art never intended or imagined his e-comments would be made public. When they were thru the “public information” statute, his position with Learfield was compromised. His comments were not that provocative nor is he the only UNC staffer who has such a point of view. But these are stressful times around UNC. All parties involved will survive.
Dateline: PHILADELPHIA: I’m fine with Michael Vick being touted for his outstanding play this season. Unlike many celebrities in society, Vick did indeed pay a significant penalty for his actions. He is an incredibly talented football player. He is deep in debt and will never be forgiven by many. There are other pro athletes far less deserving of “a second chance”.